Dr_Flash_Amazing

quote: Originally posted by RURP: This is RURP. You guys sound like a bunch of pathetic groupies! Where will Mr. Kurt Smith climb? Who cares...get your own lives. "Hello! I wonder what "Chris" and "Lynn" (etc. and whoever the favorite cereal of the week is), is having for breakfast...I am going to get some of that too!" Whatever happened to Mr. "Scott" Franklin and Mr. "Christian" Griffith? You call them by their first-names alone because if we are hip and in the know we can do that. Like "Cher". There are two answers to this "important" whatever happened question: The first is, they went to sport-climbing oblivion. The second is: who cares?! RURP has spoken. Go pound your nose in a seam, you little pinhead.

quote: Originally posted by tsk tsk tsk: my (conspiracy) theory is that he put Portland in his profile to throw the mods off of the fact that he's actually from Bellingham...thus his territorial interest in Horn Lake access on the other thread. Figures he'd do that. Your theory fits nicely in with DFA's theory that he's full of shit.

quote: Originally posted by trask: these chicken jokes are starting to run afowl Sorry, man; didn't mean to ruffle your feathers. Being couped up in the office all day is for the birds, so the Doctor has to do something. Can't be out cruising for chicks, like you, so DFA finds it amusing to keep egging you on. [ 09-04-2002, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: So wankmachine was like: What do you think Einstein? Like Jonny Rizzo said: "get of them drugs, it's fucking up your brain son". Funny thing. The climbing community in Portland ain't that big. The number of climbers in Portland who climb extremely hard is smaller still. Now, we'll assume that anyone who sprays about how hard they climb as loud as you do must have the tick list to back it up, so we'll assume you must climb at least hard 5.13 to put you in such a position as to feel that you can talk so much shit. But the Doctor hasn't met a single member of Portland's climbing community, nor even heard of any PDX climbers who was an asshole of the magnitude that you clearly are. So, this means that you must either be totally full of shit (which seems so unlikely, given your personality, or lack thereof), or you must be real easy to find at the crags: "HEY! I CLIMB 5.14! WHICH ONE OF YOU PISSANT COCKSUCKERS WANTS TO BELAY ME WHILE I POSE FOR SPONSOR PHOTOS ON SCARFACE? OH, AND I NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD MY DOWN JACKET SO IT DOESN'T GET DIRTY!" After which you can be found crying alone in your car, jacking off over your signed picture of Joe Brooks. [ 09-04-2002, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by trask: Thanks wrench, i'll dig around a bit. Dr. Flash, I was just yanking your little chain. You know you're a wank with a nice round mouth. That's more like it, chicken-fucking half-wit!

Yea, for your slow thinking, baked on dope hyppie brain, it means I climb harder then you. Is this so hard to figure out? Dr. Flash Amazing is many things, not all of them good; however, DFA doesn't touch the weed, is a punk rocker not a hippie, and is anything but slow-thinking. The Doctor, additionally, could not be bothered to give half a shit about how hard you climb, which is hopefully above your decidedly low level of verbal communication. In any case, you are cordially invited to piss off.

"All I know is that I don't know nothin'." Good choice, Operation Ivy fucking rocks it. [ 09-04-2002, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

quote: Originally posted by trask: I've changed my mind about sport climbers. There's room for everybody (cept' Crazy Polish Bob). I think we all better get out and enjoy it before WWIII, which Bush appears "hell bent" to put us into. Hey, dammit! The Doctor was just settling into an easy routine of mutual and unconditional verbal abuse with you, buster. Don't go making yourself less lovably easy to hate!

quote: Originally posted by climbmachine: (yes, I am elitist prick, but I can back it up - so fuck you very much) Sorry, tool shed, but there's really no way to back up being an elitist prick. Basically, if you are an elitist prick, you suck snaffle nutz and that is that.

Shit, go to Smith and get on any route easier than .11b. 99% of them are ssssllllaaaabbbbyyyy. Ugh. Slab climbing is evil and requires technique and calf muscles, the latter of which are usually dead weight.

This explains your assumption that sport climbers = wankers.

quote: Originally posted by climbmachine: "desperate for reliable climbing partners who can crank" what do you mean "crank". Seems like everyone here sits too much in front of the computer, sprays endless spray (you lawsluttress included) and would have mighty hard time on-sighting 5.11 (even a sport route) or doing a WI4 pitch... You being the obvious exception to this rule, of course ...

quote: Originally posted by climbmachine: So sexchocl. do not go there. You will endanger the whole negtiation process. And if this happens I WILL BE VERY ANGRY (and few others too). It's the greates climbing on west coast, but don't fuck it up for everyone else. As i said- I would be VERY ANGRY and you don't want to deal with me when I am angry. Hey flash, good joke. I hope it is. because if not you might change your name to FLUSH, when I shove your head down the toilet (after I take a shit)and pull the handle. Oh, no, tough guy, it's deadly serious. You know how the Access Fund loves sponsoring climbing trips to closed crags. Perhaps you need to spend a little time pulling the ol' handle yourself, eh? Let loose a little aggression? Talk to Trask for handy hints, but if he mentions KFC, run.

So, who wants to join Dr. Flash Amazing on a road trip to Horne Lake? It's sponsored by the Access Fund!

quote: Originally posted by Necronomicon: Fill a tub with warm water, get in, relax, and let some blood. You're stuck in the American Dream, and there's no getting out. -J Bah. Bloodletting is so 1800's, and is certainly not going to do shit for your tendonitis. Try 15 mg of Mobic, twice a day; you'll probably see much better results. Better yet, just stay away from the Bachar Ladder in the first place.

quote: Originally posted by Dru: is soloing "trad" or "sport"? Yes.

It was definitely in one of the mags a while back, but it may well have been in a Masters of Stone vid. Probably number 5, as that one had the Osman memorial/retrospective thing, if the Doctor recalls correctly. DFA hasn't seen it, though. Speaking of Osman in Masters of Stone videos, how about the speed free-soloing in #4? He fucking charges up a 400-some foot 5.7 in just over 4 minutes. Basically sprinting up the route, doing all-points-off dynos and shit. And then at the end after the credits roll, they show the footage of him missing a dyno and damn near taking the big plummet. You see that and sort of find yourself hitting rewind a few times and gaping til the drool puddle soaks through your shirt and jolts you back to reality. Sickness.

Yep. Suicidal Tendencies and Touch (?), .11d and .11c (or .11a? Have to consult the CGSR), both done ground-up. They're actually pretty good routes, although no one ever climbs them.

quote: Originally posted by trask: I figured you would be looking at my schlong. The "vapid expression" the Doctor noted was on your face, meathead. DFA can't say he noticed the one-eyed dangler. Shrunken, perhaps, along with the 'nads? The oddly lumpy package seems to lend credence to the story that your nickname is "tubesock."

Last time El General rolled through Smith Rock, the Doc ran into him catching a TR on Darkness at Noon, pretty much just chilling out and having a good time. Seems like just being at any given area for a day doesn't give you enough time to go after projects and shit.

quote: Originally posted by michael_layton: If you don't have any assets to be sued over, can you go to jail? Depends on what the fuckup is that brings the suit, and what they manage to stick you with, probably. This is where it would be worth your while to spend the dough and talk to a lawyer, unpleasant as that may be. Q. What do you call 400 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start.

Setting yourself up as a guide, even in a casual type of sense, i.e. not actually starting a business, is opening you up to getting sued to the moon. At the very least, spend a couple hundred bucks and talk to a lawyer who is experienced with business/liability stuff, and have them help you put together some kind of waiver. Without starting a business, your clients, should you maim them and should they decide to sue you, will be able to take everything you have without the proper protection. It's damn unfortunate, but litigiousness seems to be a popular behaviour in America of late. If you take the time and spend the money to be an actual business, like an LLC, you can operate without risking your personal money and property if someone sues. The Doctor recommends that you read up on this stuff thoroughly (there's also a good article in a fairly recent issue of Outside about how guides are getting taken to the cleaners by suit-happy clients, and how much insurance costs for them) before getting yourself into inescapably deep legal and financial shit.

The good Dr. Flash Amazing has pondered this a bit himself. The Doctor recalls seeing a black woman at the PRG fairly regularly for a while, but hasn't seen her lately. Otherwise, there was an ad in the mags a while back featuring a black person, but that's about it. It's kind of weird, really. So many people climbing, and they're all crackers or Asians. Actually, come to think of it, the Doctor hasn't seen many black people out boating or backpacking, either. Is it a social thing? Or is it economic? Both? Does outdoor recreation have its roots more in the aristocracy, or in the dirtbagocracy? Anyone? Anyone? Mr. T?

quote: Originally posted by erik: actully ow i dont get excited about the potential violence surrounding it... the one thing that gets me is the fact like trask said is the reppetive nature of the deal... and i really hate the innocence/ignorance about the whole thing.....criminals are not exclusivly a city issue, they are everywhere...so to get yourt panties in a bunch over it without taking action(which it seems lucky has been) is like screaming at the wall..... jurisdiction for that area...i believe is the states...wsp or wa park police....isnt there a park office right up there road??? why doesnt someone go down there and talk to them about it....??? posting signs and shit about the crimes is a good start....talk to the n bend police..i am sure this is a local person doing it...most criminals do not travel far for their deal(serial killers excluded) see if they have any similar repsonses to it...also speak to your credit card co's and dicuss the issue with their siu people....they feed off bullshit like this...they can track patterns and start an excellent work up, possibly involving federal officers.... they are many ways to go about it, it just needs to be done... and lucky i do not know if they went thru my car nor do i care....i always take my wallet with me (especially there, thanks for telling us a couple years ago!) when i go to crags i only bring what i need... This is a good point. Remember a couple years ago this shit was going on at the Red River Gorge. The pigs set up a steak out, with a barbecue and some nice tenderloin, couple of six packs ... wait, no, it was a stakeout. But anyway, they were chilling in their white van (not obvious at all) at the parking area, and they saw these suspicious characters who sure enough start swiping shit, and the cops watch the guys come over to their van, and slash the tires. Obviously you don't have to be too smart to break into cars. Needless to say, that was the end of that little crime spree. Apparently, though, the three fuckers involved had been perpetrating this for quite some time, at a few different areas.

Why don't you cats just chip in for a few twelve packs, and send Greg "tons o' guns" W. up there with some of his cannons; stake him out in the bushes in his fatigues and let him take care of the problem? tons o' guns everybody gettin' strapped tons o' guns betta watch the way ya act tons o' guns real easy to get tons o' guns bringin' nothin' but death