ivan

Trip: bacon rawk - WindSurfer/FFS=>P-line HDW=>Jensen's Rimjob III+A2 Date: 8/24/2009 Trip Report: last September I did the first ascent of pipedream in likely a bazillion years and mentioned that the anchors for the pipeline headwall looked like total shit – moof was w/ me on that epic belay (which we settled up on down on Mideast crisis this spring ) and graciously volunteered to not only fix the anchor, but also the first lead bolt – y-day lost cam Kenny and I set out to check on his handiwork I began by totally sucking on windsurfer – holy fuck! I was a shitty free climber even before I started seriously into the aid thing, but I’ve badly degenerated and found myself whining way, way more than ever before on that particular gem – shit! anyhow, after a sad show, I made it to the top and Kenny opted to jug up rather than show me up smile – round 6 in the post-meridian I set off for the sickness, leaving Kenny w/ my tunebox to pass the time I reckoned I’d be able to finish in far less than the time it took me to do pipedream, which was good, as that would put me at the anchors damn near midnight (we still ended up rapping in the dark) – moof is the man for swapping out the jingus lead bolt, which instilled a tremendous confidence (albeit only for 4 feet) that I’d lacked on pipedream, which shares the first few feet – I used tension to traverse over 3 placemtns before commencing up the crack, which perhaps moof didn’t take (you can stay on pipedream a long ways before swinging over) as he didn’t report using any exotic gear and I needed 2 beak placements gotta love the hornets – while sketching on thin bullshit, I spotted a funky pocket that refused a #2, but accepted a seriously bizarre #1 placement – I noticed an old, seemingly abandoned hornet nest in the back, but upon plugging up the pocket, it began to buzz like yer mama’s favorite double-ended dildo, spitting out pissed off bugs that illustrated that the pocket was in fact just a fractured block with several exit points, likely to spit me off when I began thrashing around to swat the evil fuckers swarming about me – for the rest of the climb, kenny’s job was to alert me when one was actually landing on me (which he did while simultaneously belaying, talking on the phone, smoking, photog’n, and manning the mp3 smile ) the route is que exciting, and blissfully shorter than pipedream – once past the first 1/3 which involves stupid thin gear and terrible anxiety, it gives way to a antique via ferrata mixed in w/ more exciting gear (not that half of the pins are real reliable – 1 in particular looks homemade, 50 years old, and has recently shed half the rock that once held it in place! smile ) – moof still hasn’t swapped out the 2nd lead bolt, but it’s not critical to the pipeline crack the last half of the climb would be classic if more folks will get on it – a 5.7ish scoop leads through intense exposure and lichen-crusted rock, complete w/ ancient vegetation garbage and broiling antmounds to a wide finish crack to the anchor – there’s a blackberry bush that threatens to take over, but maybe moof cut into it last winter? the new anchors are superb and would be an even better locale than ground zero to enjoy a portaledge evening – better yet is the next pitch! 60 feet of 5” crack leads to you to jensen's rimjob and the trail walkoff for the complete experience – I’ve no idea if it’s been done before – the Olson writeup for the route is a joke (no description at all and pro to 2”?!? the 5.11 rating also seems insane) – but i’m looking forward to going back and finishing the whole mealdeal (which mean’s carrying 2 #4-5’s and a #6) for anyone still reading, here’s the most important bit – the rap off moof’s new anchors is fucking incredible and by itself justifies climbign the route! don’t know how he misstated it (wait – well, he is a laconic fucker I reckon) but the double rope 60 meter rap to the ground boggles the mind and is by far the kewlest rap to be found at beacon – 35 meters down you pass the arena of terror and the wall suddenly shoots away, leaving you dangling in space, 50 feet away from the rock w/ a looong way still to go – as we did this in the dark, the experience was greatly enhanced anyhow in closing, thanks to moof for the cleanup and revivification and for the love of jeebus, would somebody help us keep these bitches in shape? they are spectacular practice routes for the valley and are plenty fun in their own right. now for the climbing pron: the royal we approaching pipeline headwall belay via windsurfer where in da fuck? standing on a hundred year old pin who doesn't like nailing from a shaky stance, surronded by pissed off wasps, just one blue alien away from a big'ole pendulum fall into a pillar? well up the pipeline headwall kenny, upon getting his first-ever instructions on how to lower out to follow an aid-pitch Gear Notes: gear: 1 cam hook (no other hooks necessary) 1 birdpeak (used twice – shortest kb’s would work too, especially if you wanna fix’em to complement the iron above) double set of nuts – offsets useful – didn’t use any micro-nuts X2 blue to green aliens X2 #3 camalots (need them for the top) X3 yellow aliens, .5, .75, #1, #2 if you wanna top out (highly! recommended) – 2 #4,#5, 1 #6 (or leave the #6 and 1 of the #5s and finish via jensens ridge instead of rimjob)

he's just sore i sent him up the "character-building" pitch

but none of them are as bad as being a nihilist

a # of those old smc hangers abide at beacon - they all look sketchy as phuck and sometime very soon will be just as lethal (especially the ones on the norseman's head!)

y-day at the big B moof on aided-by-sum, heading towards the pipeline headwall (behind branch at left) moof jugging up the 2nd pipeline headwall pitch (holy fawk! amazing 5.8 climb here if anyone wants to help me remove 3 inches of giant lichen farms that are growing here - 5" offwidth, but w/ a thin crack in dihedral next to it and great feet, just needs to be cleaned! (the a2 pitch below it might scare off the crowds though) - pic taken from the ledge just beside jensens ridge, at the base of jensen's rimjob moof on jensens' rimjob, shortly before finding his own variation to my variation

what have i done stuck my dick in? [video:youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voER1Q9Tlzk

sounds like how i evolved - but mayhap that's the key? peak-baggers are just lower, unevolved critters? sure would explain tvash's backhair

seriously - where the fuck is the van halen youtube link?

crush your enemies see them flee before you and to hear the lamentations of the women bitches

au contrare my good man - i'm a 6'7" corn beef n' cabbage eating motherfucker and only buy the rei junior poles - i had one pair sustain regular beatings for 2 years - the bottom line is, all poles disintegrate on a regular basis if you're actually using them, so you might as well get the cheapest thing that still does the job (kinda like sunglasses)

i hear that france is a good place to climb and bird-dog hot chix total side note, mike, but watch yerself - i'm very psychic and last night i had a bizarre dream which featured, in the middle of a moment by moment recreation of a real family trip i went on in 1979 to indiana to visit my great uncle, a tv-show in which you were killed by an angry mountain - don't go out today w/o yer wierding module!

i found the solution to wasp nests on the pipeline headwall last week - plug yer biggest cam into their crack, listen to them start buzzing like yer ma's double-headed dildo underneath it, then aid upwards as fast as you can, crying like a wee girl, as they boil out of all the invisible nooks n' crannies - staying behind and executing them individually w/ a nut tool as they emerge is kinda fun too

i've been thinkg 'bout it, and deduced that i also hate: - lefties - anyone who can climb harder than me - everyone who climbs worse than me - midgets - the morbidly obese - mother! - you - care bears - bette midler - the spastic - vegans - blackwater - bing! - my keyboard - thomas alva edison - the english language - the month of september - christians and fans of zombie movies - the whig party - the 1st amendment - people who have mini bottles of purrell in their pocket - the color coded terrorist alert system - dipthongs - thongs on fat people - people with lisps - haters - prime numbers - dogs and dog owners - children on bikes - children - poor people - machines - people with allergies - the dutch - surfers - pennies and change in general - and most especially, christian rock stations

omfg, it HURTS to look at this

and here i was expecting... [video:youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQjHwnxxDIk

who's the most likely to give acid to a baby though?

wow, your ominscent genius sees through all

nice!! you nailed it, for me! why is it that i never found a girlfriend who could share this philosophy w/ me?

'cuz stumptowners are the quickest to take offense!

yeah, i figured that was our hombre - he's bulletproof and 10, well, 9 1/2 feet tall now - i'm sure he'll be back at it soon enough and hopefully have a fine tale to tell? how was half a day sitting round waiting for the cavalry to arrive, esse?

i've had the devil of a time getting my "people who hate people" club together

if so, me n' the prez have some things in common

because, dude, if you could see its face, you might not actually wanna put yer johnson in it?

tvash is just tryng to obfuscate the fact that he hasn't made a worthwhile contribution since he flushed the toilet y-day morning

try it on a portaledge, hanging 5 feet above yer partner