ivan

having a half-trained alchoholic rhesus monkey chained up in his basement, hopped up on goof-balls and surgically wired into a apple 2 e running a version of photoshop found on a ufo that crashed in austria in the late 50s, sure don't hurt either

hey, turns out after a month you can't edit yer tr's, so all t his time later, drunk n' bored on a wednsday night while the wife runs over innocent civilians on the grand theft auto marathon, i'm stuck to quoting meself to add a bit of commentary, strictly for meself you understand, as i suspect you ignorant homos have plenty of other unmentionable things to do to entertain yerselves righ'bout now Trip: Index - 4 Dayz Alone Date: 7/13/2009 Trip Report: so my yosemite partner is literally hovering over my goddamn shoulder, fucking w/ my diction and whatnot, but since i'm gonna be gone for 2 more weeks, thought i'd at least put up my video and pix from the past week at index, where i sought valley practice and relief from the shit alpine weather of merry washington did all of stern farmer and various unknown pitches above, also all of narrow arrow overhang, then linked up town crier and green dragon from a portaledge on madsen(?) ledge (the last ending prematurely in a nocturnal and early morning thunderstorm) i'll get around to inserting the brilliant dialouge that shows the heart of the hard-on genius later, but for now, here they are, starting w/ the first pitch and a half of stern farmer fixed (i showed up in the late afternoon of day 1, and did what i could before dark): stern farmer was a fun one - the g-book said the 2nd pitch was rarely ascended, so of course i was interested - after fixing the first pitch in the evening, i retired to my commodious truck cab for a marathon session of wine-swilling and "salt" reading - i'm not certain if it was this evening of a subsequent one that wigged out the pinched-face orange-head parked beside me the first pitch had a couple of fun hook moves i remember there were a # of old heads on the second pitch, and it wasn't nearly so serious as the guide made it sound - it was fun to see what happens when old swaging just up and quits on you though - this happened while cleaning the pitch of course i kept climbing above stern farmer i recall - but also i recall that the guide was really inconclusive as to what the fuck i was doing - mostly it was pretty dirty but fun, and i liked passing close by my bivy sit from a few weeks earlier on the ledge below sloe children next that day i was hot to do narrow arrow overhang on the lower wall - again i wanted to climb more than a pitch up, which seems rare'ish in that goode olde towne - the issue for the solo aider: where the fuck was the bottom anchor? w/ no gear obvious or trees to sling i settled on busting out the nut tool and excavating dirt n' moss out of the blocks int he middle of the trail - it yielded 3 pin placments - driving iron around the sportos kinda felt kewl, 'specially since they really couldn't bitch 'bout me fucking up the cracks on the trail i linked the first 2 pitches - the 2nd was very thin, pretty much just cam hooks i recall - the rope hanging had apparently been round a while from some dude who's trying to do the first free ascent oh yeah, handplaced beaks worked too so anyhow, after 2 days on the lower wall i felt like a chump for crashing in methlandia in my rig (though it did make me feel like the rig was a little safer that way, 'specially since i slept w/ my wall hammer and a scorching case of herpes) - i thought i might go spend 2 nights bivying on the upper wall, doing the town crier first, then maybe green dragon or the golden arch or sumthang day 3 i humped a fucking stupid heavy haulbag and 'ledge up the trail - i climbed the usual .8 crack up to the big ledge, hauled my shit up, set up the ledge, then chilled for a bit, eating lunch and watching the loooong train of davis/holland suitors sated, i set out to fix the first pitch of TC - this pitch would be a whole lot more fun to have a partner round for to belay - i took to thinking of my belayer as "the gri-gri monster" and goddamn that bitch is always hungry! entering into the p1 chimney, looking down arachnophic claustrophobes would really have been in their element on this crux if they'dve been terrified of amphibians it'd be all for the better the chimney made a fine frame for the index-wand and the mighty traverse p1 fixed, and not enough rope to fix p2 and still get back down to my 'ledge, i descended, ate dinner, rawked out n' shot pix of the crazy train still chugging up the DH i wondered if my gloves would even make it bck down to The Valley (they didn't - my shoes also committed seppuko on day 2 of da nose) great vantage for watching DH folks rap off in the twilight (and for chain-smoking) evening set in on index below - i dug on the cum-shrouded tetons beyond home sweet home, morning of day 4 i set my anchor higher than the bolted ones near the top of p1 - here's looking back down from the penji - kinda looks wierd w/o a dumbass staring back at ya, taking pix of your ass n' hollering meaningless enthusiams the next pitch was supposed to be the super mega ultimate everything back in the day when beckey did it, but now, though its wicked steep, it's basically a via ferreta - i mighta placed 2 pieces the whole pitch? above that i think i linked 2 pitches, 1 which woulda be suck w/o offset cams and was kinda funky even w/ em view from the top - it was here, w/ the onset of heat stroke, down to a half liter of h20, that i dropped my 1 and only jumar - at least i'd already cleaned the pitch! no big deal, i saw where it hit, hundreds of feet below - i figured i didn't have enough water (or wine) to stay out that night and climb the next day in the sun, so i decided to drag all my shit back down to the base of he wall, cache it (assuming i could find my jug and it still worked), descend, get fast food, get good n' drunk, then come back up the next day w/ a lot more water n' booze i found the jumar in 3 minutes, no evidence at all of falling from the top of the empire state building the mornign of day 5 (don't know how i came up w/ this tr's original title) i awoke to strong sun and heat - i resolved to spend the morning eating bacon, smoking shit n' drinking sangria while bathing my big old ballz in the cool of the skykomish - that being abley accomplished, i sobered up by hiking that goddamn trail again in the afternoon heat - this time i thought i'd reach the ledge by doing the original first pitch of green dragon, which seemed neglected actually i'd thought of doing the golden arch, but thrashing around, half naked and sweating, trying to find the start, i figured it'd be a whole lot simpler just to climb the 1st 2 pitches of the GD and spend another night at my previous location rapping the haul line, looking at the fixed p1 of GD - an easy pitch i thought i went ahead and climbed p2 that evening, getting back down to the ledge in the gloaming - i looked forward to finishing the route on day 6 and also bootying the beak that someone had inexplicable used and fixed on p2 of GD aid-soloing is fun - it gets you closer to your salami not to mention yer vino n' jalapeno cheddar bread! that evening it occured to me that, in the spirit of doing hte nose the next week w/ just a single haulbag, that i should leave my sleeping bag behind and just use a bivysac - i thought i'd test it that night - then one of these wierd rockbug fawks crawled into my drawers the just bivy-sack thang worked great, even after it started pouring rain in the middle of the night - wtf? it's summer in warshington, since when the hell does it rain? i especially liked that my portaledge lacked more than a couple drain plugs, so that soon i was bivouacked in a puddle, 200 feet off terra firma the next morning was grim - thick fog, fleeting glimpses of index, but it seemed like maybe the rain was gone? at any rate, my 2nd rope and gear was all fixed above me, so i was gonna at least have to jug adn clean as i started across the 3rd class ledge to the base of the fixed pitch, the thunder and lightenign began - this made my decision to flee upon cleaning as easy to understand as my failure to bring anything remotely resembling rain gear if i don't live through this, maybe my mom will get this last pic and know how stupid i looked at the end? so, on the 6th day of a 4 day solo creep, soaked to the bone and a burr up my ass to get down to Da Valley, i figured it was tim eto go home - i got down in the rain, hiked the trail in the rain, drove back to seattle in the rain, had a nice rainy shower, stocked my blood stream up on essential vitamins n' minerals, then drove back to da 'couve in the rain, where i spent an evening trying to calm down a frantic partner and dry every piece of climbing gear i owned in a blissfully deserted house, every fan blowing cool, humid air like made around the joint somewhere near dawn, "the big lebowski" come to its glorious conclusion, i settled down for a few hours snooze - my first night in my own bed that summer, i ranged far and wide in my glaz-ball land, wistfully wondering at fog-nymphs buck-naked and oh-so-willing, only to be woken up by a frumpish, hairy mongoloid fuck, eager to be off to Kali-For-Eye-A but tht was another story... and now some video, roughly in order? getting ready to clean DH p1 and haul to my bivy on town crier [video:youtube] the scene in the eve, prior to fixing p2 [video:youtube] masterbater n' commander soundtrack in the cool of the night [video:youtube] lowering out, cleaning the penji of TC, p2 [video:youtube] 1 ptich from the top, shortly 'fore i cleaned the pitch then dropped my jug [video:youtube] what would jesus do? [video:youtube] Approach Notes: across the tracks

i couldn't find that w/ 2 hands, a flashlight and a map

a - not hard for me at all b- not seriously asking you - just curious - figure a man's answer to that kinda question basically gets at his philosophy - its your perogative to withould it of course - a man who won't share his philosophy is a wee bit untrustworthy, imho, but you're not asking to date my daughter or borrow a franklin, so whatdoicare? c - i couldn't be less interested in either - i'm just free n' white n' bored on a wednsday night

why aren't you freezing 3 cent gatorade bottles again, sage old-dude?

dude, did you see "idiocarcy"? "Clevon is lucky to be alive. He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. But thanks to advances in stem cell research and the fine work of Doctors Krinsky and Altschuler, he should regain full reproductive function again."

Bammm! Nailed it! LOL!!!!! this is why i've so far succesfully resisted the 3-fold cry for dogs (n' chickens) in my house (we already booted the cats for shitting everywhere)

hey, my name's paul and this is between ya'll! perhaps i shoulda said "gender" n' not "partner?" i *hate* the homo-huddle

what about old people? can you cook them in a way to get the old muscles tender enough? approach as for flank steak - long/good marinade of vinegar, olive oil and garlic, grilled & sliced into thin strips, w/ a phat ass sauce (the yardstick of civilization!) of chives, horseradish, and bluecheese! red wine of course...

Ivan, meet Prole. hey, i'm all ears - dude, prole, how do you justify your existence? kk, why don't you go first? shit, okay, i will - i speak very slowly to stupid people and try to get them to buy into basic notions of democracy and grammar for 100$/day, plus basic healthcare and a pretty tight vacation schedule - i could also just be considered a public day-care provider for people old eough to kill you and steal all your shit

dude, did you see "idiocarcy"?

I think you had it right before - "earning your keep" could be construed as "from each according to his ability". All the people you mention did meaningful things. There is also dignity to someone who picks fruit, farms, fishes, cleans toilets, collects garbage, etc. It always chafes me to hear some POS talk about some job as if it is "beneath him" (meaningless). my point is most people in thier day and age would have considered their contributions to be meaningless i haven't met any folks that i can think of who consider any work "beneath them" - my brother was an armor officer and 2 time iraq vet when he got out a few months ago and took a bullshit security guard job at mcminamins - he's pretty damn normal dude, and who's gonna starve if being a janitor will pay the bills?

chickens are puppies you can eat w/o the neighbors fuckign freaking out babies are great w/ bbq sauce btw, racked by the half-dozen on spits - lotza cumin, lotza salt, lotza cayenne, dig?

hey, at least you had the appropriate partner to alpine-spoon w/?

i love those places - they're usually where i poo - there's an unholy large number of them around harden flats outside the yosemite entrance right now

out in colorado, roudn'bout the metoer shower time last week, i got to see the gallilean moons of jupiter and the sea of tranquility through a giant reflecting telescope bitch, so beat that! 'course, i didn't take any nifty pictures, but i doubt i could have operated a camera in my intoxicated state anyhow

that might be true KK, but i've never met him (or you for that matter) - prole, what the fuck do you do? speaking of "earnign your keep" - do the following guys qualify? thoreau when writing "on walden pond"? hillary when clibing everest? jeus when wandering through the desert for 40 days n' nights? or buddha during his long ass break under the bodhi tree? mohammed in the cave? joe smith digging up his norht 40 looking for golden tablets? tvash's point about valuating labor is valid - it's an impossible/semantic/value based judgement that defeats us - let's resign ourselves to supporting everybody and resolve to just speak ill of the free loading bastards on the interwbes afterall, how many doorknob relatives do YOU have? as family, you grin n' bear it, no?

it's also just good common sense to support the "lower class" -when they get riled up, heads roll! true, tv and the interweb are amazingly opiatic, but sooner or later a critical mass will still form

I'll bet I consider "meaningless" what you consider "meaningful" - and vice versa. you guys should check into nihilism

the question was food, not housing, but okay i'm still w/ you - i repeat the above: society, be it the government, churches, groups of concerned citizens, businesses, whatever, needs to ensure taht all humans have all their basic needs secured: those being security, food, shelter, etc. in return, society, comprised of all the elements listed above, has a right to expect that individuals will make some contribution themselves. government is like the president - the buck stops w/ it - if people are starving, homeless, w/o healthcare, the responsibilty devoles upon it to meet the demand - it is reasonable to expect that in return the government will demand of its citizens material support, which usually takes the form of taxes as a side note, how many skinny homeless folks have you seen? most seem pretty thick to me - food in the era of agri-business seems to have totally banished starvation - healthcare is the new frontier, ironically includign treating the diseases associated w/ overeating

"utopia" means "nowhere"

what about the rich elderly? or a mentally ill person who inherited a fortune or managed to make one prior to become too ill to function? i'm w/ you - once you get down to details, the issues become so complex its really a hell of a lot easier to just throw up yer hands n' say "everyone, no matter what" - okay, you've been a dickhead your whole life and done nothign other than climb rocks - but you've hit 65 now so you can live off the governmetn tit (at least as far as healthcare goes) from now on please don't misunderstand me as being simple-simon on socialist/communist healthcare - i'm aware those who lived under it didn't like it - a hybrid system doens't seem doomed to failure - a meaningful free option, based somehow on having worked for most your life, if you could, but still private options that can enhance the baseline option

funny - the anti drug-legalization crowd makes its stand on taht issue - they say it is governmetn's place to be ma'n'pa n' protect you from your own bad decisions - if they were consistent, they'd be for universal care as to the second point, yes, bill, though i don't think it's "government's" so much as "society's" obligation to see that all are fed (and that extends to healthcare i reckon - it's just that folks donate money/food/service to soup kitchens, not so much to meaningful healthcare for the poor, sick n' downtrodden) how many people starve to death in the usa? how many die b/c of no/shitty healthcare? it's a rhetorical question of course, but i seriously doubt the former outnumber the later.

not that i'm calling you or anybody a communist, or even that i think every element of communism is utterly hopeless, but your quote above can't help but remind any decent history teacher of karl marx's, the father of communism, famous quote: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need" communist/socialists have it right, i agree - everybody should have basic healthcare (i'm not talking tit jobs or super-radical disease treatments now), and everybody should have to contriubte if they want to enjoy it (but naturally that can't include the elderly, the mentally/physically ill, the young, etc. - at which point we're already making so many exceptions it becomes hard to stick to the "you have to earn it it" mantra w/o seeming a wee bit silly)

words like "truly" are what send the crazies running for the exits w/ "death panels" on their lips, since it implies judgement do we all remember what this guy said about judgement?