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ivan

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Everything posted by ivan

  1. if i was the first black dude in charge of the cops i'd probably feel like turnign every honky's tsa expereince into the equivalent of a south central traffic stop too i don't much care about the tsa - i fly maybe once a year - anyone who supports the patriot act can clearly shut the fuck up about a virtual strip search at any rate
  2. i only went into a few caves back east - not quite fair to compare lava tubes w/ the awesomeness that limestone can produce, but this cave was much, much more interesting than the ape cave up near st helens, which is just a boring, straight as an arrow walk underground, albeit through a pretty impressively sized tube
  3. i know nothing!
  4. where's cave ridge? i dig on index aiding, and have only scratched the surface of what index has to offer, but it's a bit of a haul from da 'couve though for frequent visits you hang out w/ joshk ever? he's a fremontian as well...
  5. Is he supposed to edit me or visa versa? different jim - sorry, you're far too moderate!
  6. crawling into holes in the ground! though i reckon you already knew that... aid climbing in the rat cave - sport aid!
  7. what do you suggest after dynamite there brandon?
  8. arent' all cananuckistani guides women though? my wife would never go for it...
  9. now that larry's discovered spray, he threatens to double his postcount in just a day or two! actually larry, i fyou could just lug yer internet over to jim's and take dictation w/ a little bit of yer shit on the sly!
  10. ivan

    Old Larry

    weren't they already calling you old larry when your were 20?
  11. i always thought "lots of poison oak" was code for...
  12. inspiration for my own hair-brained excursion http://cascadeclimbers.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/989471#Post989471
  13. Trip: DeadHo Cave - The Wet Drippy Crawly One Date: 11/20/2010 Trip Report: cascadecrawlers? wet, cold n' shitty, seemed the right time to try one of these cave thingies i'd heard of lately - time-traveling steve-o served as native guide and coolio, and i threw justinp into the mix to provide more facial hair and the american spirits what the fuck happened to the flying j in troutdale? my go-to ore-e-gone meet-up spot laid low w/ the sad new sobriquet of "loves"?!? putting that early blow aside, justin n' i beat a path to hood river, where fuckupedness also seems to have sprouted lately - cup of coffee in steve's fashionable antique store, thick w/ the smell of old-people, then we lanched in his rape-van wanted to do dynamite cave first, as the thought of squeezing through a slot the size of your mama's va-jay-jay in the deadhorse made my feel sad in my bathroom areas, adn dynamite, in addition to having head-room, also promised rappelling and jugging, so seemed more appropriate for dipshit wanna-be bigwallers the beacon rain up in these rare parts was falling as snow (wtf were we exactly, you may ask? fuck knows - this here explorer went british style, sipping down tea n' biscuits n' all sorts of things, reclined on pillows in the back of the rape-wagon whilst The Help up near the helm babbled franticly in their godless native-tongue) - a few miles past the closed up logging bar the snow built n' built, and w/ no plows about and many miles still to go it seemed wise to can dynamite n' favor of the deadhorse the tiller put hard over, we arrived soon enough at some snowy, non-descript place - steve assured us He Knew What Was Going On Man, and we crunched off, cave-equipped, through the calf-deep snow didn't want to do the squeeze right off, as it'd make it way too easy to chicken out at the outset, so we resolved to start at the bottom steve needed a few minutes to find the bottom entrance, covered by drooping snow-clad saplings thar it 'tis! we took something like 2 hours to finish the transit, taking ample time to sniff the cave-mold - most of the time it just looked like this i'd only been in the ape caves here in the nwest, and the deadhorse is a damn far cry from that - at 6'7", i'm not exactly built for this sorta shit either - great, another pursuit i can be mediocre at - figure, over the course of the cave, i spetn about 1/4 the time walking upright, 1/2 time crouched over, and the last 1/4 on knees n' hands (n' elbows!) - enough time at least for my back to be wicked sore this morning these short bitches can stand up just about anywhere! a pretty roomy part - walls running w/ wet, metallic sheen from deposited minerals reflecting in the headlamps - puddles in the floor, sometimes rivers and shin-deep lakes what i liked was, everytime i was approaching being pissed off and freaked out by the crouching or the crawling, a small room would open up to stop n' chill - bringing the wall-stereo to rock the phish helped enhance the calm too halfway through the going became easier as the tube turned more sharply up hill and the creepy sound of rushing water grew ominously loud - we emerged through a hole in the wall to a sizeable torrent, tearing downhill through a wide tube which steve said led to The Mazes [video:youtube] not too long after it was time to confront The Fear - steve described in detail the machinations necessary to Get Born, and led up - a # of fixed pins w/ cord lets you scamper up to a narrow tube, where you pull yourself along on a bit of hemp, roll over onto your back, shoving pack and helmet ahead steve had no problems of course, and thankfully took no pictures of my sad job - i repeated the Litany of Fear throughout, as it took what seemed like hours to eventually unship my right arm and get it above me, then bend my long legs in 30 different spots to muscle my torso through Satan's Twat - having no kneepads, big belt buckles or anytype of bulky clothing is highly recommended! justin, midget that he is, flew through the slot like a hotdog through a hallway the mucky calf emerging from the cow-hole i can't imagine trying to do this cave the opposite direction - it's nice to have the crux 50 feet from the end, w/ an hours worth of work behind you dissuading you from the wimp-pout holy shit it's colder out here - good thing we're soaking wet! but there was plenty of daylight left! not enough to head back to beacon (though the weather seemed fine in hindsight), so we thought we'd see if we couldn't actually Force The Issue and make it dynamite cave - in the interim a plow had prettied up half the road, and the Great Antique Beast turned plow itself as we blasted up past the bridge, at which pt we were still a mile off from the cave shit went rapidly downhill - there were no more tracks to follow and it was obvious we couldn't get there w/o a snowmobile - we thought we might try to hike it, but in turning the van around, we ran the bitch aground, tires spinning, the whole rig sliding sideways and downhill towards a vast snowy ditch an hours worth of shoveling w/ antique pots n' pans (fortunate trade you have sir!) and skilled stationary tire-chain wrapping left us not much better than we'd started, but then a fateful redneck came up and gave us a tow out, nearly wrecking himself in the process all that was left was to drive, backwards, for 4 miles! how long can you drive looking through the sidemirrors? many thanks for the guide-service, senor steve, and the accumulated stories of a life-time of sheenangins to boot - can't say i'm dedicating my life to cave-crawling after this, but do look forward to seeing more of what the area has to offer by way of tubes n' haunted passages - christ, there most be thousands of these fucking things around here? Gear Notes: don't know a damn thing about spelunking, but my lessons from my cherry-trip: - helmet! (would have brains and hair all over the walls otherwise) - smallest pack possible, none is best - pack oughta be wall-bag like, scrape n' water-proofed -hard kneepads -thick leather gloves -3 headlamps - 1 highpowered halogen on the helmet, 1 led on the head below the helmet, 1 backup in the pack -anti-anxiety medicine and/or a pistol for putting yerself out of misery If It All Goes Wrong
  14. hard to lead if you're not in charge, and hard to stay in charge if you propose unpopular action i'm cynical as hell on the environment - we're just way too dumb and unmanageable as a species to deal w/ the mega-complex co2 issue i think - deny it/don't deny it, whatever, it'll do its damage and either we'll adapt and survive or we won't - the sooner we're all dead the sooner we can all shut the fuck up at least! as for mama earth, i'm sure she'll do just fine w/o us (and all the other species we take down w/ us)
  15. don't know if its' chickenshit when you figure a huge % of the country thinks al gore is full of shit and threatening their freedom to be bloated assholes, and therefore likely to rain down vengeance if action is taken on the issue, as well as the fact that the economy has been priority #1 for 6 years at least now, and the repubs would crow to the moon that the democrats values were in the wrong place if they'd fought more over it the green revolution as a path to jobs thing needs to be sold much more strongly, but i guess the problem is there's not innovation occured yet to create the jobs?
  16. like yeast feverishly consuming all the sugar in the wort we are, only to drown in our own alcohol! could be worse i guess? at least we're being consistent in washing our hands of raging current problems in favor of handing them off to the next generation to do the same.
  17. ivan

    caption please

    it's not gay if you don't look!
  18. ivan

    If

    since when did the scandanavians need to kiss china's ass? i'd be more than happy to accept the check on homeboys behalf
  19. i'm a climber so i mostly don't like cities or crowds and spend what time i'm not working in the boonies - when i'm working (these days) i'm teachign Whitey McHonkerson and his Hick Cousins - i'm sure i've rubbed elbows w/ a few while shopping for horseshit, but couldn't say i've had a conversation - don't think i've met anyone from kazakstan neither
  20. why ask a question when you wouldn't attempt to understand the answer? not that it was an sat-worthy reading entry to decode there, 8-ball, but, as the cliff-note summary would explain: no, i haven't known anyone from that there chunk of south/southwest asia - persia aka iran is the closest i can do - i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say a good # of other folks in the great u.s. of a haven't met anyone from there either i'm pretty versatile in the cultures i haven't had a chance to sample firsthand - vexing, actually, as many of them are rumored to have lusty and friendly women - i have high hopes for my first french polynesian contact - haven't met any australian chicks either
  21. smith can be fine this time ofyear, but sure don't look that great this weekend http://forecast.weather.gov/MapClick.php?CityName=Terrebonne&state=OR&site=PDT&textField1=44.3531&textField2=-121.177&e=0
  22. are you serious? you have only met/only know one person from Pakistan? the persian i've met is from iran, not pakistan - i can't recall having any sort of relationship w/ a person from the land of the hindu kush, though i've known and been friends w/ a good # of indians, who have had plenty of things to say about them folks
  23. ivan

    caption please

    i can't believe he turned down the moustache ride! sniff, sniff...
  24. and you think you have nothing in common w/ kevbone can't say i've met any pakies - they seemed pretty cool in "vertical limit" - that jennah chap from "gandhi" sure did seem awfully surly though - the one persian i've met is cool as hell
  25. onna these days i'm gonna get me onna them
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