Dwayner

Here's my two cents worth as a long-distance feller.... - bananers....the king of fruit - lemon/lime gatorade diluted to 50% I find it's really an individual thing and requires a bit of experimentation as the excellent contributors above suggest. I tried some of the drinkage above plus Metrex etc. and found that good old Gatorade works best for me while I know others who can't stand the stuff. GOO, I feel, should be experimented with in a tame environment, because in some people, it will give them a relatively short buzz (which can be harmful if overexploited) and then a real hard crash! And then you need another sugar boost, etc. And if you're sensitive to caffeine, beware of using it (the caffeinated varieties) on your evening workout, or whatever, cause it might get you so wired you can't get to sleep! I carry a squeezer of it in my Camelback on long runs, etc. but try not to use it except as a last resort. I tried some of the Endurox capsules. They're expensive and I didn't really notice a difference but maybe they'll work for others. Mike Collins: When you do RAMROD, do you ever see the Croquet Guy running up the road to Paradise with the mallet and the race number that says CAMROD (Croquet Around Mt. Rainier in One Day) ? That's me, Dwayner. I do it every year. This year I'm aiming for Longmire to Paradise to Ohanapacosh. (Last year did Longmire to Paradise to the Park entrance). Anyway, just thought I'd add that bit of trivia since you mentioned RAMROD. Train hard...climb strong!!! - Dwayner P.S. Specialed, m'younga bruduh! What wid the drugs???? Them mushrooms I suppose be good if you want to do a big wall without leaving your living room, or if your favorite sport is stumbling over furniture and french-kissing your neighbor's poodle! Sounds like you need a little of the 'ol Gatorade yourself, m´friend!

Gee whiz, Wopper! Ouch! I said I agreed with HRH Lord Spray that the li'l missy was wearin' on me too! I seconded it myself! Come here, Wopper, now grab that mouse (the one attached to your computer) and scroll up a message or two. Read it again, please. Not so fast! Great!... Man oh man! I will let the girl know that her posts aren't wanted around here and that her alpine love epic ain't of interest to at least two people (and increasing three if you count me.) Can't guarantee results, though. So you think me n'Pope have multiple personalites and be one and the same, eh? So who was that belayin' me on Snow Creek Wall a coupla months ago.....damn, was it me???...wow! I musta been solo climbing!! Damn I'm good! And who was that who be encouraging me to ask people to say, "I'm a monkey boy!" up on Careno Crag etc. not so long ago. If it weren't Pope, it must have been me! And another bold solo! plus I be hearing voices! And caught myself in mid-air when I greased off that last pitch! Science defied! O.K., amigo Wopper, I'm sure you get the point. (By the way, why do they call you Wopper? Is it time to revive Big Lou, Jr?) As for Donna, Pope's got the scars (physical and emotional to show for it - I'm a lot tougher than that.) By the way, not to fuel your conspiracy theory, but Donna's not her real name. She ain't that stupid! Someday, we'll I'll step out of anonymity; we'll have our own Leavenworth rock fest and outing party and the silly guessing game will no longer be necessary. In the meantime, life goes on in Spain, where I'm counting the days until I can go home relax AND climb! shalom, Dwayner

Pope! You're a stinkin' idiot! You're full of more gossip than a jr. high slumber party. Dude, if there be a need for confessing, I'll do it myself. Although you got the humiliating outline of the story correct, I never said anything about Jerry Moffat or gambling which is are obvious elaborations on your part, which aren't that funny. Yah, she got dumped by the English guy (apparently a new and sufficiently traumatic experience) and she ended up here straight away, and I was a big old manipulated fool to cooperate in letting others think she was elsewhere, even with the odd sarcastic reply from my direction. It was lame. I was under her voodoo spell (and I'm typing this while she's crashing in the next room.) Guess what! Good news for all of us!! I was just told last night that she's moving to the People's Republic of Boulder in two weeks. Apparently it's job related. Hey Pope! Maybe you can help her move; I don't want to be around that scene anymore. Anyway, sorry about the temporary lack of propriety but Big Dwayner wasn't doing the thinking. Perhaps justice is being served as there ain't anything to climb around here but sport routes!! Also left Donna at the hotel to attend a beauty pageant but that's another story altogether. - Big Dwayner P.S. Donna is banned from using my "company" computer. If she´s gonna read this, she'll have to go to the local "internet cafe" and frankly I don't care. It's old news anyway. Pope, she's all yours! Maybe you can charm her into moving back in with you in your Mom's basement!

!"·$%& [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 06-23-2001).]

I betcha he's a sport climber and climbs at Exit 38. A trad climber would have crawled through the order window, made his own damn chalupa, mop up the spilled shreaded lettuce and cheese, thank the staff and leave a tip. The employees would all applaud and eagerly await his legendary return.

Brothers in spray....I was a political science/international relations major as an undergraduate and switched fields in graduate school to get away from this sort of go-nowhere polemical sprayathon. Yah, Pope started it with the hippy thing (and I tried to redirect it toward climbing hippies in particular but then ended up popping off about those clueless WTO pseudo-protestors, so I suppose I contributed to the problem. I've had enough. Especially after it provoked Marx, Trotsky and historical and dialectical materialism. By the way, I´ve read the above (plus Mao, etc.) and found them to be boorish (and boring), limited in perspective and naive in their attempts to explain history in the past, present and future. In my opinion, such thinking has inspired more death and mayhem in this world than even capitalism which is guilty of its own share. Now see....ya gotta me started again!!!....How about directing this post to the topic we all know and love....CLIMBING HIPPIES....Politics and religion? save the topic for when I get the US Congress to pass a nationwide anti-bolting bill. love, Dwayner P.S. Nixon in 2004!!! (he still alive?)

Got me a real story 'bout a real rock-hippy. A number of years ago, I was teachin' a rock climbing class of nice young college students over at the Peshastin Pinnicles. We were on Orchard Rock on that big ledge above the slabby bit at the base of "C" crack. No fixed bolts nearby then, so I had a bunch of junk; hex´s whatever rigged with slings and such. From our elevated viewpoint, we noticed off in the distance, a long-haired, bearded Bohemian running through the apple orchard in nothing more than a tattered pair of baggy shorts, tennis shoes and a chalk bag. Within moments, he had scrambled up to our position, already crowded with about 7 people, did a few mimes, and proceeded to attempt to solo "C" crack, a difficult, anatomically correct, somewhat committing, short overhanging route. I believe the intent was that we were to be somehow impressed. He made a few layback moves and about ten feet off the deck, he greased off (must have touched his hair) and tried to land on both feet. Well, his feet got caught in our little network of anchor slings and we heard a thump not unlike that of a coconut thrown against a brick wall. The hippy had smacked his head hard, really hard. He gave us an embarassed look (an embarassed hippy? that IS rare!) jumped over the edge, and we saw him running again through the orchard from which he began, to the audible chuckling of many of the students. And he never said a word the whole time. What's the lesson here? Even hippies know how to grandstand...and growing your hair long doesn't make you a better climber (and it sure can confuse the rest of us when we're walkin behind you!) While we're on the topic...Hey you WTO protester wannabe's who wake up every morning disappointed that you weren't alive earlier enough to protest a "real war" in the '60's...take a tip from Dwayner: "Hell no, we won't go" is a Vietnam-era anti-draft chant. Even though you heard it on a documentary about the '60's in your high school civics class, it is not relevant to protesting cheese imports and saving whales. Big clue: there is no draft...come up with your own clever slogans and your own music...and by the way..."Hey, hey, ho, ho [fill in the blank] has got to go" is a bloody bore!! Unless of course you apply to the rare appropriate venue: "Hey, hey, ho, ho, Dwayner needs some Mickey's Big Mouth!!"

Erik! Thanks for the hot tip! I checked it out and I think I'M GOING TO PUKE!!!!!!!! My favorite quotation: "From the climbers' standpoint, I'd say it's one of the more exemplary climbing areas that I've been to," Burdo said." I don't know who that guy is, but someone should tell him that Exit 38 is one of the most pathetic AND goofiest places to climb on the West Coast!!! Let´s all pitch in and buy our brother a bus ticket to Leavenworth, or maybe even to Tacoma for Spire Rock! And what's wid the leaving that legacy for future generations long after your creative self is gone???!!! I don't like to be so harsh, ladies and gentleman....but I think....I gonna....LOSE MY LUNCH!!!...........See I told you so.....and I just missed soiling the keyboard!!! Boy, that Exit 38 sure sounds cool!!! And I'm glad the newspaper was so kind to provide detailed directions so more folk can come out and have their minds contaminated with the idea that grid bolting on crap rock is the norm and a good thing. _ Dwayner, running for the mop and paper towels.

Whopper, m'bru-tha! Who said I was on vacation? NO such luck! I get to travel to these parts a couple/few times a year, often with the ambition of doing some climbing on the side...and yesterday I spent 8 hours of typing which was just part of a very long day! Yup. Can see the ocean here...can't see the numerous righteous topless Betty's on the beach, though, which is a good thing. There are some rocks to be had for sure, even a guide book (although the locals are mostly sporty round here on dubious volcanic rock), but no sign of climbing in sight on this trip despite the desire....maybe on the weekend. Maybe that's why Donna took off?...I never said I'd be able to entertain her HOT self 24/7. That's life! Gotta make some bread to feed my various healthy habits. My next climb will probably be in the Cascades in a week or so!!!! I'd tell you what I do for a living but you'd never believe me. Besides, it's more fun to blah, blah, blah on the internet in semi-anonimity. Go in peace, soldier of alpine pursuits, and enjoy the summer solstice. - Ddddddddddddddddddddd...dddddddd....dwayner

Pope: I think this confessional of yours, which has experienced considerable therapeutic popularity, has finally got to me. I recall having defended the lovely and talented Miss Katie Brown, on more than one occasion on this Board, from the lecherous likes of you. Now I have a very embarassing confession to make....how can I say this...(courage, Dwayner, courage!). O.K., here it is...everytime I see a picture of Miss Brown....I wanna....oh never mind, I can't say it......O.K., let me try again...everytime I see a picture of Miss Brown I just wanna......I just wanna......TAKE HER OUT AND BUY HER A NICE LUNCH!!! A couple of Big Macs, some super-sized fries and an extra-thick shake! I know being skinny and light makes her climb better but.....ah forget it....I take it back! Katie! Forgive me! You´re pretty and in fine form just the way you are! Never change, babe!!!! Pope! I can't believe I did that. I don't feel better coming here, I feel worse!!! Cinco mas cervezas, por favor! - Dwayner

Mr. Puget! A spirited bit of intense commentary! And for your entertainment and enlightment, I am afraid that I must second what Pope has said above.....Damn Donna...she's HOT!!! I just got a phone message from her yesterday...she´s apparently moving on to France, (probably to climb topless in the Calanques, I suppose). Don't know if she's still hanging with Iain the Rat-faced Boy. I doubt it...she goes through temporary climbing partners like Kleenex. Charms 'em, does the routes she wants, and moves on. By the way, Mr. Puget, I was pleased to see you use the word "hagiography" perhaps for the first time ever on this list. It brought fond memories of a paper I gave at a scientific conference a couple of years ago on the subject of the work of a famous explorer. A reviewer described it as an "unedifying, sycophantic hagiograhy". I'm going to quote that one on my c.v.! Carry on, passionate rock and bolt debators! - Dwayner P.S. Did I mention that she's HOT?!!!!!

Just for your info-matation, m'friends: that business about our northern igloo-buildin' brothers having the massive snow vocabulary apparently is a myth. Check out this book by a couple of esteemed linguists: "The Great Eskimo Vocabulary Hoax and other irreverant essays on the study of language." by Geoffrey Pullman and James McCawley. Ya know who has the big snow vocab.....ever take an avalanche seminar? And they hand you the plastic laminated card with all the terms like graupel, etc.? Oy!!!!

Out of touch with the chatter the last day or so; the internet service in my ocean-view office here in España was out! (Yes, Mr. Pope, I'm sure you think I'm here at El Centro de Bettina Forda, drying out a bit, but au contraire, mon frere. Excuse the international posturing but I was inspired by all that "Allez!, Wir mussen sehr viel Bier trinken!, stuff up above....but never mind.... I return to read the latest and find truly excellent commentary: Mr. Willy Strickland: I was duly impressed and inspired by your lengthy exposition. Fantastic! Make sure you copy that somewhere. Develop it into an article for one of the rags or use it start a post on this list sometime around, or send it in as a letter to the rags...do something, m'man! Seriously!!! RE: "Choss" Anyone got the Oxford English Dictionary handy? (or is that "hinky"?) check da etymology (nothing to do wid insects) and see if the word has a history. It could be that climbers who come up with these words borrow and rarely create. - Dwayner

You guys rock! Excellent, but oh so disturbing! Never heard of "hinky" (isn't that the name of the guy who shot Reagan way back when?) I think if I ever heard my climbing buddy use the word "hinky", I'd run for my hanky so I could pukey!!! Kyle, m'man: thanks for mentioning "send", pal. Now I'm gonna have nightmares for another week! I just thought of another gagger...a veritable prince of lameness: "SKETCH", and its royal bastard offspring: "sketchy" and worse yet, "sketch-fest". Willy...you rule for bringing up the logo thing. I try to do the same thing if I can get rid of the label without wrecking the garment. Tape sounds like the sensible solution. You're dang right!!! Unless REI or whoever wants to give me free gear or pay me to be a walking billboard, why should I PAY THEM for my free advertising. By the way, everybody knows that when Dwayner, Kyle, Willie and their pals show up, the kids take notice and sales of the particular garments du jour increase 10 fold. What we should do is wear our underwear on the outside and hang out at Exit 38. Come back two weeks later and watch the show! TAKE!!!!! - Dwayner

Evening,lads. At least it's evening here. Wait a minute, I've got me sunglasses on. Ahh much better. 'afternoon, lads! Been doing some thinkin. I rarely read the climbing rags anymore because a) they suck, b)they´re full of yawn-worthy "news" about sport-climbing and such c)their real aim is to sell us CRAP d)they suck (did I mention that they suck?) but the point of this is that much of their attempts at keeping our interest are full of goofy-ass neo-climbing jargon that makes me embarassed to be involved. I know there are others out there too that feel an annoying tug on the short hairs everytime you read that crap, or worse yet, run into people who after a five minute try-out in a climbing "gym", are spoutin' the lingo like it was their mother tongue. How bout some nominations? Here's a few for starters. First, an old one: "manky"..an obscure bit of British slang which made a splashing American debut in the back of Royal Robbin's Basic Rockcraft (or maybe it was Advanced Rockcraft - two splendid little volumes by the way). There was some little tale in which an old rusty bolt, I recall, was referred to as manky. And so this odd word got passed around as if it were some sort of piece of standard mountaineering terminology, when in fact it only identified those who had read the book. Next: "Take!" as in old-school "Tension". I won't climb with anyone who yells "take", a term which has become part of the standard equipage of the sport-climber, and is therefore loaded with all of the baggage therefrom. (Perhaps worse yet are those affected fools who yell "Allez" at the "Comps". You know who I'm talking about, don't you Pope!) But the grand award goes to the newly ubiquitous adjective "sick", which I assume means scary and difficult, but is actually a sickening term itself. Now just to head off you contrarians, let's save a few posts with the following anticipatory responses: - I ain't stopping you from talking; - You can call me narrow-minded for not wanting to climb with "takers" but I climb for the fun of it, not to be irritated by my climbing partner's jargon-prone mouth. - Yes, maybe I am easily irritated. - blah, blah, blah, blah....now offer some of your own nominations or second mine. love and hugs, - Dwayner

Hey Pope! I guess you're off the hook now (finally)! Your dream girl Katie Brown is indeed 18. Good thing because I was ready to call her dad and have him come over and thump ya. Anyway, she seems to be a very lovely and sweet young lady. Check out her interview at: http://classic.mountainzone.com/climbing/99/interviews/brown/ - ahoy, mate! - Dwayner P.S. I don't think she'd be interested in ya, Pope. She seems to be totally focused on excellence and a bit of a sport-monkey to boot. Besides, it will be your wife who thumps you (again) with the 'ol fryin pan!

Righteous Wonderland-Trekking Dudes: This is kind of a wacky idea but it will work if you're totally honed. You do the Wonderland Trail in 3 days going light and fast with just tennis shoes, ski poles and a lightly equiped medium-sized Camelback. You do around 30/35 miles a day and end up at a drive in camp-site or meet the road at the end of each day. For example, you can go from Longmire counterclockwise to White River in a day if you start early and pace yourself away from burnout. What´s at White River? Babes with beer, steaks, massages and sleeping bags. If you can´t get a site at White River, you have the babes drive you outta of the Park to some other place outside. You then get up early and do it again although I don´t recall what the next road stop is, but the same scenario applies and then on the third day, you end up back in Longmire. All you need is some cooperative li'l hotties with a couple of days time. Just make sure you give them the Golden Eagle card so they don't bitch at you for having to pay. You can even arrange it so you drive up to Longmire and start early Friday, while the nubile-ones finish work at the steno-pool, get their beauty-sleep or whatever and arrive at your day´s end point at their leisure. This way, it´s all over by Sunday night (where your car awaits at Longmire) and you can limp back into work on Monday ready to start stuffin those valu-pak envelopes! I've tried it 3 times. First time, I went with a buddy whose knee blew out at Indian Bar. Gave him lots of codeine and goosed his butt over to Summerland and out the next day. Second time, started way too early (didn´t have a watch, fell asleep, woke up to pee, felt so good that it must be an hour before sunrise....so we took off...it was 10:30 PM!!!), headlamps went out in the middle of Stevens Canyon, we fell off the trail and got hurt. Third time, making great progress but new shoes caused me to walk out in my socks. Didn't have the babes waitin (we were even uglier lookin back then if you can believe that) but it's in they are definitely in the plans for next time which will be this summer. Also, you wanna kick your own ass? Do the Loowit Trail around Mt. St. Helens in one day. From Windy Ridge it´s about 36 miles of brutal but spectacular terrain. Makes me thirsty just thinking about it...a situation easily relieved... - Dwayner P.S. Yes, I am totally honed.

Dru, my bru-tha! You sure have an active imagination! Me=Pope=Donna? Please! I'm JUST LIKE her, too, except I lack the small but perky rack, she's more than ten years younger, pee´s sitting down and, in the words I borrowed from Pope....she´s HOT! Enough about her...if you want to read the current situation with that scene, rummage around in the Pope Confessional. As far as I know, she´s cragging in northern England with Iain the Rat-faced Boy unless she´s dumped him after a few hours for another chump with a cute barely-comprehensible foreign accent. As for Pope, we´re separated by a continent and an ocean at the moment. I´ve climbed with the guy. He's pretty dang good and one of the most entertaining fellers around. And a lot safer and contemplative now that he´s got (his own) wife and kid. So Mr. Dru....get off your butt and walk slowly to your refrigerator...open the door...now look past that jar of pickles...no, a little to the left behind that moldy burrito you brought home as a leftover two weeks ago from Azteca....just reach back there and grab that ice cold bottle...it has a twist-top! A pleasant and convenient surprise!!! Now twist that cap and raise that bottle and repeat after me: "Here´s to you, Master Spray-Monkeys! And to all of us who read your drivel! Goo-goo-ka-ju!" And an extra-special goo-goo-ka-ju to Mr. Adams for his touching tribute to the flame kings/queen. - Dwayner P.S. Did I mention she´s HOT?!!!

Dang! Didn´t think I'd be defending Pope so soon, especially after having so recently had an experience with his "sloppy seconds". I happen to agree with much of what Pope says. Maybe this argument could be put another way....Let´s say you don´t know how to play the piano. Give yourself unlimited practice and rehearsal time and you´ll eventually be able to crank out a lovely Beethoven sonata. Let´s say your grandmother can't climb 5.14. Permit her to rehearse indefinitely by resting on pro, taking repeated falls off of cruxes, etc. and eventually she just might make it. It might take her months or years, as oppossed to days or weeks ala some skinny French hone-master, but she just might make it. So what I believe Pope is saying is, that given those sort of tactics, which have become "legitimized" when sport climbing was imported, a self-delusion has become commonplace that one is not using aid while resting, shaking-out, or falling repeatedly. I would also argue that there are very few, if any real 5.14 climbers in this world. Take away the legitimacy of hanging, repeated rehearsals and preplaced gear and I would say that few people can walk up to a climb harder than, say, 5.12 and climb it on-sight without falling, which is about where things were 20 years ago before these kind of tactics became "acceptable". I would say that most of us on this list are 5.14 climbers given an unlimited amount of sporty-time but fortunately most of us probably have better things to do with our lives than to hang out for a week or two at the base of an overhanging pre-bolted (complete with quick draws in place), 50 ft. stretch of rock. And then, after working it out on a form of aid, we can climb it from bottom to top and yell 5.14!!!!eeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh! Think about it. It´s a different perspective. If you started climbing when I did (1973), all of that sporty stuff was considered UTTERLY POOR FORM and aid. If people wanted to get stronger, they worked out and top-roped stuff. If you hung around on pro doing your hair-combing chalk-dip, you were branded a hangdog and it was considered that the climb was over your abilities in that you fell or resorted to aid. The remedy: work your way up on easier climbs rather than bring the climb down to your own miserable level, which is what the standards of sport climbing can do. The traditional perspective, as you can see, views many of these sport trends as weak. It´s not that we´re opposed to aid climbing, it´s only that it´s regular use in sport climbing is not recognized for what it really is. (Plus the grid-bolting, etc. is considered pretty damn pathetic as well.) So, take it or leave it...No one is going to stop you from sport-climbing unless you place so many bolts that The Man steps in to take away your drill as is happening more and more (and I ain´t complaining!) A couple of more points: Pencil Pusher...come over here for a second...relax...try a little civility. You say this funny "confessional" topic is a joke (and we all know it´s supposed to be in good humor), but you´re quite the participant! A cold beer might be in order! Have a few at your favorite local watering hole and send the bill to Pope...(and don´t try starting a pissing match with me cuz I ain´t interested, my friend!) Specialed, my young pal, I don´t think Pope is old enough to have experienced the sheer joy of the Whillan´s harness...it served as quite an additional incentive not to fall (apart from some of the new, experimental gear). Carry on, Pencil-guy, Special-K and other friendly web-denizens. If you don´t understand us trad-dudes now, you will in the future when the mighty pendulum swings back our way. aloha, Dwayner

Mr. Pope: You might be on to something (or on something!). Uhhhhhhh....how should I say this.....I'm here in Spain, and Donna, well she still be in the U.K....The idea was that we would be doin a bit of traveling together, doing a healthy collection of climbs in the process. We get to England, I'm not feeling so well (jet-lagged, a cold, etc.), so being the reasonable fellow I am, I actually encouraged her to spend a couple of days up north with some mangy rat-faced, crooked-toothed, greasy dred-locked, beta-spoutin', unemployed dole-collector she met in a London climbing store. His name is Iain. Iain the rat-faced boy, who endeared himself to me when he asked Donna if I was her dad. Donna, who is apparently an easy mark for a foreign accent (I recall reading on this list that she had something going on with a stray Italian on the "Cirque Expedition"), referred to me (when she thought I was out of earshot) as "this guy who came over on the plane with me". Anyway, a couple of days later, I get this enthusiastic phone call from the little vixen spouting off the names of all of these great British rock climbs that Iain had promised to take her to (in her rented car, of course, cuz Iain ain't got no car nor money) and that she wanted to spend a week doing so. I didn't even put up a fight. I just said, "you go, girl" or some other spontaneous smart-alecky quip and hung up. I´m in Spain, now, and we'll see if she ever shows up again but I ain't waitin around. It's warm and beautiful here, the food is great, the women are pretty (and friendly!) and the beer, although as yet unimpressive, is cold and plentiful, and the nightlife goes on until 8 in the morning. And there are a few climbs too. Two things, Pope, I usually don't drink from shot glasses; they are much too small for my beverage of choice which is....beer and its various relatives. Secondly, I think a sit-start on the north face of Les Courtes would be just the thing to add my name to the annals (spelled with two "n´s", you bugger!) of alpine history. Hey, Donna! If you're checking your E-mail and reading this post, I hope it's raining all over the gritstone and if it is, pry Iain off of you and send him out from the back seat of your car for a well-needed shower! - Dwayner

And a lovely Guiness evening to all of you. I'm in Spain now and it's apparently not possible to find a sixer of Mickey's Big Mouth anywhere within a thousand miles. Perhaps I should call the embassy and have some shipped over...anyway. What the heck is this topic about.....I remember now....Big Lou, Jr....no that ain't it. SSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRAAAYYYYY maybe! Sorry, mate, for the beer on your shirt, I got a li'l carried away with the enun....ciation. What gave you people the impression there is any worthless "spray" on this list? Everything I've ever read around here is probably useful to someone, even if it's so lame it generates a chuckle, or makes ya feel a bit better by having a forum for bitching about bolts and such, the latter being a forte of mine. Regarding who has the biggest schvantz: now really, lads, does such a topic genuinely belong on this list? But since you're on the topic...I recall that Mr. Pope suggested Big Lou, the lovely Miss Donna suggested Pope (I´d guess she´d know) and since it wouldn't be fair to propose myself, I'd have to go with Sir Arnold Slingsby III, an English climber who invented the sling (a.k.a. for you sport-climbers: "eeeeeeeeeeehhhh! quick draws!!!) sometime back in the 1890´s I recall. From what I hear, snow didn't melt off the end of that thing until sometime mid-August. But that's neither here nor there. Carry on, spray-monkeys, and remember, be funny but not mean, and keep in mind that sometimes it's hard to tell the difference in the fast-fire untested frontier of the internet! aloha, Dwayner P.S. RE: That poo-eating dog...can you train 'im to sniff out some Mickey's around here? Ship him over here overnight express and I'll hook him up with half a case of flea-collars...the good ones that really work and last a while. Also...can anyone tell me what the snow conditions will be like on the Wee-Wee Glacier Headwall on Mt. Ratsbutt on August 12th this year? I've got the day off. And the weather?

Odd and meadering discussion, lads...but why not? A couple of observations: Is Ginko Balboa related to that big stupid guy in the Rocky movies? Who the "h" cares how fast you climb Rainier? Sounds like a set-up for subliminal schoolboy playground taunting..."I climbed it fast-er that YOU did, I'm a bigger alpine wiener-man than you are!" (followed by the obligatory "NYA, nya, nya NYA-nya). Can't you just go out and have a nice time? Put on your strap-on....I mean strap-on your crampons and GO! And what´s with this car to car thing? Who doesn´t climb Mt. Rainier car to car unless you hitch-hike or come down another route. By the way, these RMI/Ranger fast-boys? Sure, they´re all in good shape like the rest of us, but ginko balbotulism isn´t their edge: it´s the fact that they're living at elevation at Paradise and Muir much of the summer, they´re slogging the route repeatedly and they got the intimate up to the minute route beta. One last comment...I shall pose a riddle. Riddle: What rhymes with "Rainier"? Give up? Answer: The answer, my friends, is "beer" so y'all continue with your fast! fast! fast! alpine chatter (which has frankly exhausted me) while I see if the kindly man behind the bar here might, just might, have an ice cold Mickey´s Big Mouth with my name on it. What´s that, amigo? Not in the U.K.? You think I should try a pint of Old Peculiar? Hey! A little sampler glass! Thank you, sir!.......mmmmmmm...not bad!!! Fill 'er up, guvna!.....and the rest of you, carry on wid your business. - Dwayner

Hey Pope! I´ve got a confession to make! Guess where I am right now?...that´s right, I´m in Europe! And guess who´s with me? That´s right, Donna! and if even a tiny fraction of the crap she´s told me about you be true, you are one big RASCAL, you are! I won´t go into detail, "Panties Thief", but that Cirque Expedition sounds really messed up, and she told me about the "stealth photos" you took of her best pal Erika. (Hey! What did you do with those things? I suggest you return them via me. I´ll "make sure" Donna gets them.) Donna´s up at Tremadog for a couple of days with some mangy English gritstone dude she met at Squamish a couple of years ago. I decided to stay in London and do a little pub research for a while. Just a moment...barkeep? another pint of this Irish nectar, guvna, and pour one for yourself while you're at it. Now where were we.... oh ya... Anyway, starfish-boy, who needs YOUR Miss Katie Brown fantasies when Donna´s around. You're right...she IS HOT!!!! And I confess, I don´t understand why she had anything to do with you....but keep in mind I'm just getting the girlie´s side of the story. your pal, Dwayner P.S. I did I mention she´s HOT!!!

Way back in the days of 120 ft. and 150 ft. goldline ropes...I went with the nervous guy up to climb Outerspace. He read in some guidebook that some of the pitches were 150 feet and he kept on asking me how long our rope was. I told him that I wasn´t sure if the rope I brought was the 150 or the 120 and that guy was sweatin´ bullets the whole time, especially on his pitches. He must have asked me about the length a couple of dozen times. Of course, I knew all along that it was a 150 ft. rope, but I felt the guy needed a little extra adventure in his life. - Dwayner, suckin´down a little Guiness.

Be safe and have fun. [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 06-10-2001).]