Dwayner

Brother Dan: Here's just a little tip from Dwayner. I did the Gib. Ledge trip in January once and it was smooth sailing until the descent. We almost had a catastrophe as we approached the top of Gib. rock and chute. It get's pretty narrow there and you can look down to the Ingraham glacier on one side and the chute on the other. There were three of us roped up when we approached this exposed spot and I was in the middle when the guy behind me lost a crampon. He had these big leather-bottomed step-in gaitors ("overboots") that folks used to wear back in the day and he slipped and took off like a rocket down the ice. It was self-arrest or die and the guy picked up a lot of speed. I felt as if someone had dropped a giant anvil from my harness as I tore through several feet of ice or so it seemed. Definitely a close call and fortunately the rest of the descent was uneventful. That was 25 years ago and it still gives me the creeps when I think about it because I know the first guy wouldn't have been able to hold his two careening buddies if my self-arrest failed. Anyway, be safe on the whole trip, and extra-careful at that spot. And don't let your out-of-town buddies and their tight schedule pressure you into climbing if the weather or conditions suck. aloha, Dwayner P.S. And sometime I'll have to tell you about the guy in our group who slipped in his down booties in camp and fell 2,000 from Camp Hazard on the Kautz Route. Ouch!

P.P. I ain't familiar with that favorite Prairie Show of yours but I'll take it as a compliment. (Was she hot?) I'm not trying to compete in a popularity contest or whatever it is you're striving for and there is no need to reread my own prior posts. So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? I thought I told you that I didn't want to hear from you again. I thought I told you that I didn't want to hear from you again. I thought I told you that I didn't want to hear from you again. Your sincerity regarding your wishes to me for a joyous weekend is seriously in question. However, I really do hope you have a fun and safe one. However, I hope you have a fun and safe one. - Dwayner - Dwayner

Hey "Peter Puget": I just lost ALL respect for you based on your last comment. I was originally under the impression that you were a bright individual interested in the civil exchange of ideas and debate, accompanied by a little good-natured teasing and attempts at wit. Instead, I get the same old trash-talk (which you've never heard from me) that characterizes much of the "discussion" on this site. I want nothing to do with you. Go in peace, pal, I mean that. - "Dwayner".

Enough of this nonsense....there's only one way to solve this ugly mess of name calling, sloppy thinking, and ethical quagmires...bring it to the court of final resort...LET BIG LOU DECIDE! - Dwayner P.S. If Big Lou is busy, Dwayner 'n Pope will be pleased to let you know what life is all about.

Hey Pub-Monkeys! How about some specifics: the name and address and directions to this place for those who may not know or can't remember? mahalo, Dwayner

Mr. Puget: For someone who poses as a logician, you sure operate with a lot of assumptions and innuendo. I ain't gonna bother getting into a pissing match with you because it will be boring to both of us if not everybody. I'll just say that whatever the intention (noble, well-thought out or otherwise), and despite the loss of "inches of rock", the result of this "experiment" at Dana's Arch remains dubious and should serve as a lesson for future "conservationists". - Dwayner And have a nice day all this week.

Charlie, I hear you're a fine feller but I never thought I'd see the day when the word "terrorism" was applied to a climbing area. I think we all now know what that word really means, although I suppose some sport climbers might have been momentarily terrorized when they realized that they would have to climb "trad" or go home if the bolts were missing. And where were the people screaming "atrocity" when the place got grid-bolted? So some hangers are missing: It could be a trad dude makin' a statement or a cheap sport-climber looking for free gear to put on his next "project"...maybe even elsewhere at Vantage (hangers ain't necessarily cheap in quantity). Whatever. People have been stealing bolt hangers for years and it's a nuisance if you expect one to be there. It's a pretty low class thing to do. I suppose you could carry a few hangers and nuts in your pack just in case. Or reinstall them permanently such as in the manner described by "haireball". Or better yet, learn to climb clean. Although I personally wouldn't mind seeing Vantage returned to a more natural state, my concern is that some novice and/or sporty nudnikim might get hurt if expected hangers are missing in a crucial spot. Oy! - Dwayner P.S. I didn't do it. P.P.S.S. I don't know who did it.

Mr. Puget:You are obscuring the issue which is about the appropriateness of the bolts. The crags are full of routes that have been enabled for free climbing by pin-pounding etc. The point is, that Dana's Arch can go "clean" now (if you're familiar with that concept) and assumably before the bolts as well, and the bolts are in theory unnecessary. In this case, it is a questionable example of substituting one dubious practice (crack destruction via piton) vs. another (bolting)with the latter being presented as a sound solution when it is in fact just another dirty option.By the way, pal, "Donna Top-Step" (not her real name) and I share many opinions because we are old friends. (In fact, I am probably responsible for introducing her to my version of mountaineering ethics). She rarely participates in this forum because of the abusive and undo attention she gets for being a female. So thanks for adding to it with your "doppelganger" comment. Perhaps your Doppelganger is a conspiracy theorist. Have a nice day. I mean that.aloha, DwaynerP.S. And what's with the "Herr Dwayner" business? That can be taken a number of different ways. shalom, Dwayner [ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ] [ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Greetings from the International Institute of Pinnacle Peak Studies. You want beta? I'll give you some beta! Pinnacle Peak ("the Matterhorn of the Cascades") was my first climb ever and I have since climbed it 139 times by different routes. Here's what I think about winter action: there are three big faces: the south, the northeast and the west. The west face (the one above the summer trail) is vertical "choss" and you will find little of interest there. Steep alpine snow accumulates in pockets and on ledges on the intimidating NE face (above the permanent snowfield between the Pinnacle and Castle Peak). I suppose you could climb it in the winter but having done two routes on that face (including one involving late spring snow on the lower bits), I don't recommend it. The belays are dubious and rock gets worse and steeper the higher you get. If I recall, it was 3 or 4 pitches. The west side of the south face, which is a happy scramble during the summer, can be a big steep snow face when plastered with snow but nothing that would perplex someone who is confident. I've done it unroped a few times but a rappel on the descent might be nice. The north ridge is a good winter challenge. It starts out in a steep chute on the lower east side of the ridge. I had to burrow through a cornice at its top on one occasion. Another chute follows a little further along with a spooky runnout into space, and then some steep snowy rock climbing which is occasionally verglassed. It's about four pitches to the summit. The east ridge is also doable: one 1/2 to 2 pitches to the summit involving some bits of vertical rock. The south face is the easier descent. Do note that the summer approach to the Pinnacle/Plummer saddle is a terrain-death-trap in the winter. The usual winter approach is to the Pinnacle/Castle saddle by traveling the ascending tree'd ridges above Reflection Lakes in such a way to avoid most of the potential avalanchey areas on the way up, and although I've never heard of the Pinnacle/Castle snowfield avalanching, it seems to have the potential, and I've seen stuff come down the NE face of Pinnacle. Also, one needs to be careful getting to and on the south face. It involves traversing across a very large south-facing snow slope that will carry you a couple of thousand feet toward Packwood if it slides. (A skier was killed back there a few years ago.) For water ice/waterfall stuff? Never seen much up there that would be worth the effort. You probably know that Narada Falls down below and some things up the Nisqually River beyond the glacier bridge occasionally form up for a few days now and then. Have fun up in that lovely Tatoosh Range, and be safe in that snow! (And the views up there can be spectacular!) - Dwayner, self-proclaimed King of Pinnacle Peak and Emperor of the Tatoosh Range.

Dwayner's got a problem with Dana's Arch. Here is another example of where someone thought they were going to do the environment and all of us a big 'ole favor by sport bolting the first pitch (the arch itself) thereby saving the arch crack from further damage by piton. I don't understand such thinking given that a) it looks like the arch can be led clean on aid on tiny stuff and cam hooks if you've got the nerve; b) it can be free climbed and perhaps protected by tiny stuff if you have the nerve. c) a question: are adding permanent fixtures such as big ugly permanent bolts any less damaging to the environment? The same sort of story applies to the Lower Town Wall on "Numbah Ten" which is a stiff little aid climb but in the name of "free-climbing excellence", a line of closely placed bolts now dominates the climb, right alongside the crack that is the feature of the aid climb which can be led clean. It, too, could likely be led free on clean gear if someone has the nerve. Free climbing can be a great thing, but I think it loses its stylistic "superiority" when it resorts to bolting next to cracks that can be climbed clean. Everyone is probably sick of the bolt issue....but I'm not, and since you're featuring a notorious example in this topic, I had to pop off for those who weren't aware. aloha, Dwayner

Dwayner's been busy on Tuesday nights over the last two months, and now he's damn thirsty. Where's the pub night tomorrow? I have happy experiences at the ones in Ballard and in the U. District. Downtown Seattle sucks for parking. You ever think of doing one like in Federal Way or Southcenter so it ain't so crazy for the Tacoma/olympia dogs to head north? Someone set somethin' up! Beck and Matt P.: you guys seem to be the ringmasters, what up? Erik? we carpooling. Lisa G., Jules, Dynamite, Michelle, and the lovely Holly Climber: buy me some drinks. The rest of you buy them drinks. aloha - Dwayner

...kind of reminds me of a recent incident where I told some arrogant freak, "hey, pseudo-hippie, you can put that Hackey Sack where the sun don't shine". His response was to inform me that it wasn't a "Hackey-sack" which was a brand name, but a "foot-bag". Better yet, I say!- Dwayner [ 11-30-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

George Harrison...isn't he the guy who played keyboards for the Captain and Tennille and wrote their big hit tune, "Muskrat Love"?

I didn't write this one myself, but I heard it on television and it made me want to just run out to the car and bag some peaks! Perhaps it will have the same effect on you!: Captain: Are ya ready kids?Kids: Aye, Aye captain!Captain: I can't heeeaaar yooouuu!Kids: AYE, AYE CAPTAIN!Captain: oooooooooooo......... Captain: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: If nautical nonsense be somethin' ya wish.Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: Ready? Sponge Bob Square Pants,Captain & Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants,Sponge Bob Square Pants,Sponge Booob Square Paaants!Captain: Ah Ha Ha, Ha Ha Ha, Ha, hArgh wh..arire..Ha arrrigh. Ha arrigh! - Dwayner [ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Officer Cave Dweller and others: Nope. The Reverend ain't me. Don't know who he is. Don't know why he would choose to use a phoney name similar to my phony name unless maybe it's his own real name. Ain't interested in sweaty-man spoonin' biv-wack stories. - "Dwayner"

Is this thing sponsored by Sleep Country? Will there be a category for sit-starts?...those are my favorite. In fact I'm sitting down right now, thinking about starting work.- Dwayner [ 11-27-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

You know, I'm startin' to take this stuff personally when Brother Alex refers to the "completely worthless banter about nothing climbing related" on this site. Me and my buddy "pope", among several others, enjoy sharing bits and pieces of funny stuff whenever and wherever we dredge them up. We, in fact, consider ourselves to be at least alpine entertainers, if not de facto alpinists. And we get fan mail from lots of desk-tied folks who enjoy reading our stupid stories and comments. We use humorous "spray" to bring joy and contemplation into people's lives and occasionally as a forum to set the record straight as we see it. I was once a complete climbing fanatic, thinking of little else, and fortunately I'm somewhat less shallow now and can enjoy a broader view of life in its infinite interesting facets. Frankly, if this site were nothing but route descriptions and chatter about wonder fabrics, I wouldn't bother with it, but fortunately, there are many creative people who participate on this bulletin board who make it lively, informative and at times funny or provocative. I don't care for the mean-spirited stuff myself, but cutting out the material that doesn't conform to one's personal definition of relevance seems a bit selfish. Ultimately, Alex,it is the moderators to decide what goes on here so go convince them that the worthless banter is a bore and me and the other spray monkeys of all species will have to desist. Until that happens, I guess you're just going to have to read or skip by more tales of pope crapping on his own sleeping bag and alleged Big Lou sitings. aloha and best wishes, "Dwayner"

Did anyone even think about calling Big Lou?

Danzig's Mother? Is she friends with Stiffler's mother? But seriously folks, you wanna "get down", I mean really "get down" and "pumped up" for clippin', hangin', combin', dippin' and clippin' again? CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE! Crank up "Muskrat Love" when you're getting stoked for that dyno to the mono-doight or workin' on your hype in "iso".Check 'em out:Craggin' Motivators [ 11-26-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Thank you, Dwayner, for contributing your excellent commentary about a fine climb. We were going to include you and The Chumstick Snag in that BIG BOOK OF BIG SHOTS AND THEIR FAVORITE BIG CLIMBS but we felt that your fame would detract from our policy of filling two-thirds of the book with a bunch of characters NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF except their local climbing gym. As consolation, you might take note that Big Lou, Hot Henry Barber, Sir Edmund Hillary and Reinhold Messner were likewise not included in this book. - you're welcome! - Dwayner

Cascade Climbers.com's very own suave, sophisticated, handsome and intelligent (did I mention suave?) Dwayner's favorite climb: the Chumstick Snag. Located in an obscure valley not far from the curious Bavarian theme-town of Leavenworth, "the Snag" almost defies geology and is visited by more birds than climbers. Those bold enough to attempt to locate this enigmatic chunk of decaying sandstone will not be disappointed. And who can forget their first pee-inducing far-off view of the Snag in its own li'l canyon, almost daring you to come on over and sample its crumbling surface, quarter-inch rusted bolts with homemade hangers, and a Fred Beckey necktie for a rappel sling. Speaking of rappelling, do note the small shrine at the base built by those who were grateful for arriving back to the ground safely. The way I's figures, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who have climbed The Chumstick Snag (a mere handful), and those who wish they had climbed The Chumstick Snag. Some compare it to the Eiger North Face (any route): the ascent provides a lifetime of memories but it's not something you might wish to try twice.

Speaking of "The North Face"...while driving west on Highway 10 from "J-Tree" last week, we wuz in the vicinity of Cabazon (where the two giant dinosaurs featured in Pee Wee's Big Adventure once ruled the landscape until they put that new Denny's in front, blocking their ancient gaze)and Banning where there is an IMMENSE destination outlet mall. Along with Gucci, the Gap, and hundreds of others, there was a North Face outlet store in the mix. Lots of overpriced ski jackets and such and loads of excited shoppers thinkin' they're getting something fancy for cheap. As my climbing buddy "Dennis Erectus" commented, once these items were drastically marked-down, they almost approached reasonable retail value. What next? Black Diamond back-to-school wear? Petzl brand cosmetics? My favorite item was a goofy-lookin' once-piece ski suit with a big zippered butt that reminded me of them dudes in Dumb and Dumber. Either the before or after price was well over $700! Oy! shalom, Dwayner

Anything by Andy Williams or The New Christie Minstrels. Also, any tune by Karen Carpenter during which she plays the drums. That really gets me up those ferocious trails!

Aloha fellow righteous alpine homeys! Me 'n the one who calls himself "pope" went to the doggone REI in Federal Way yesterday. He wanted to return an expensive parka a dog pee'd on or some such, plus there was some sort of sale going on. REI was putting on it's holiday face with a variety of changes to the store, lots of ski crap, etc. but noticeably, loads of cutey-pie knick-knacks to stuff any climbers stockings including hand-selected drilled out rocks with candles, "climber soap" and something similar just for that kayaker on your list, dogbone-shaped carabiners for your pooch, two part unbreakable wine glasses, juggling stuff, etc. "pope" can provide more examples I'm sure. On sale was a small blanket-like thing called a "throw". It was made of some sort of soft material and dyed with interesting patterns. It had been $40 and was now ONLY $25. I picked one up and threw it at pope's head. He didn't like this nor did he like it the next two times I did this. Several minutes later, while looking at headlamps, pope picked up some sort of Petzl device and asked me what it was. "It's a headlamp, moron!", I answered. "No, it's a "throw"!", he yelled as he heaved it at my head. Ouch! What's the point of all this? Seems to me way back around 1972 (when many of you were still peeing in your pull-ups), my dad drove me up to a big-city store in Seattle with the name of Eddie Bauer, international expedition outfitters. There one could find the best expedition gear one might need no matter where you'se wuz going. Rafts, ice-axes, Eddie Bauer brand goose-down Antarctica sleeping bags, and loads of other serious outdoor gear. Bought my first mountaineering book on that trip (Freedom o' Hills, 2nd ed.). We know the rest of the tragic story...Eddie Bauer has now descended into the realm of khaki pants and polo shirts, and has even lent it's name to custom SUV's. Is REI heading that way? Is the outdoor gear giving way to travel clothes, book bags and yuppy holiday knicknacks? - just wonderin' - Dwayner, who just came back from SUNNY and WARM So Cal where Joshua Trees sprout amongst numerous granite monoliths. P.S. Jules! Don't worry about the above comments re: your employer. I still think you rock!!!

You want poetry? William Shatner hosts Iron Chef tonight for the first time. There will be eloquent verbage, arrogant costumes and more drama than 3 rope teams of Mountaineers heading up the Nisqually Icefall at 4 in the afternoon on a warm July day!