Dwayner

...It's so big, it graduated a year ahead of him. It's so big, there's a homeless family living underneath it. It's so big, they once made a movie called "Godzilla vs. Lou's Unit". It's so big, he can use it as a limbo pole at a beach party. It's so big, you can now go to the movies and order popcorn in several sizes: small, medium, large, jumbo and Big Lou's Unit! It's so big, right now, he's climbing Rainier tomorrow! It's so big, it has a horizon. It's so big, it has a commemorative stamp. It's so big, they cold run the Indy 500 on it with no turns. It's so big, it has its own line of hip-hop clothing. It's so big, Alan Greenspan uses it to raise interest rates. It's so big, if he didn't sleep on his side, planes would crash into it. It's so big, it gets to hang out on the set of "Friends". It's so big, he has to check it as luggage when he flies...on a jumbo jet. It's so big, the city was gonna build a statue in honor of it but ran out of cement.

Since we be talking about smokin' up, to Smoky McPothead...just a couple of more comments. Seems like a lot of folk on this board, at least, partake of the weed. It ain't my thing but it's probably ultimately a lot safer than drinkin' all of them Mickey's. But here are a few reasons why I ain't puffin.... 1) I know some dudes that started at least 25 years ago when it was big and everywhere and they lit up many times a day and never stopped. They're really nice guys but they're now BURNT! 2) Unless you're growin' your own, or know the source, there's a good chance that just a few steps back behind your little purchase there is death and mayhem in the equation (via smuggling, drug rings, etc.). [And there are (were?) places in Hawaii, little valleys and things, where if you accidentally stumbled upon someone's little plantation, the booby-traps or the "ranch-hands" would do you in.] 3) one word: gynomastia. a.k.a. "man-tits". Pot will bring them on. (so will steroids). So smoke 'em up, if you's wants, but Dwayner will have to pass.

...it's so big, snow doesn't melt off the end of it until late August. It's so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it. It's so big, it's got a spine. It's so big, your house is built on it. It's so big they've named a sandwich after it...no, I take that back...TWO sandwiches! It's so big, it plays golf with the president!

Smokey McPothead! If you're a kid, then listen to pope, he speaks truth. If you're not, and you're a full-fledged 21 year old or older, this is how I'd work your routine: first of all, you're never going to be a world-class skier if you're a big pot-head, it takes more discipline than that and the real competition probably ain't smokin' out. (From what I understand, that last statement doesn't necessarily apply to sport-climbers where the risk is low and the stakes for screwing up small). Secondly, This is what I would do: I would check the weather forecast the night before, and if it looks like it's going to suck, I'd set the alarm clock for 11 AM at the earliest. And instead of doing all of that stretching, I'd launch into my first Mickey's sixer of the day. Then I'd call pope and start talking about lunch and night skiing. Then I'd put on some hip ski outfit and hit the lunch special at the local teriyaki or Mexican joint. (I'm footin' the bill, cuz pope's drivin') As we approach the ski area, I get the ace bandages from underneath the seat (next to the wig) and start wrapping. This is to compliment the set of crutches in the trunk of popes car for which is are useful in a whole variety sympathy scenarios. (And I makes him fetch the crutches to my side of the car just for full effect.) I hobble into the lodge and find myself a place at the bar, close to the action, and start the blarney. Within a half hour I've got the whole bar feeling bad about my leg and I'm leading the crowd in pub songs. People start buying me drinks and the barmaids start passing me their phone numbers discretely on the back of beer coasters. Meanwhile, pope has bought a pricey lift ticket, makes a few miserable turns in the slush and eventually comes in lookin' like a damp tabby. I point him out, the crowd laughs, and the party resumes. A little later, we get the hora dancing going and a conga line and everyone forgets that I came in on crutches. If pope isn't getting the attention he craves, I lend him the crutches and let him have a try with the latest refugees from the lousy skiing. The weather sucks but the day is saved, and we return again for some real skiing when the weather is clear, preferably on a weekday. Yup. That's what I would do. And yes, you ain't gonna be a world-class skier or climber if you're a big 'ole booze-head either! aloha, Dwayner

Ahoy rurp! Don't worry about Dru. He's accused me of being "pope" in the past. You'd think that would end when me and pope both showed up at the same time at one of those pub club things a couple of months ago. Dru wasn't there, unfortunately. He also has a thing about pope and "donna top-step" (an old girlfriend of pope's and a long-time friend of mine). I suppose we'll all three have to show up at some convenient time, but it's hardly worth the effort. Maybe at one of those Climberfest things like they had in Leavenworth last year. Anyway, RURP, don't worry about these conspiracy theorists, there are guys on this discussion list with numerous names and some of them probably engage in debates with themselves. But it's all supposed to be in good fun so don't take it too personally. aloha, Dwayner

Brother Erik: If you want to gets the babes, just tell them that you know Dwayner and his pal, "pope". It works like a charm. Sure, it's second tier stuff like dating the concert T-shirt guy but when she later finds out that you climb better than either me or pope, you've landed the big account. I'd be droppin' your name with the same effect if I wuz on the hunt! Here's a few great first date tips: - rent the Eiger Sanction and then narrate the technical stuff and convince her that Clint is a big weenie and that you're much better; - take her the REI - the big one in Seattle - and escort her to the gear section. Explain the gear to her and call attention to the fact that you "use this gear yourself in the mountains, the big 'ole mountains!" - drink a few Mickey's and show up late, telling her that you were delayed because you were volunteering at the Hospital for Sick Kittens. CAUTION: DO NOT USE THE FOLLOWING WORDS ON A FIRST DATE!!!! "enema", "masculine itching", "tape worm", or "digital exam.". Girls do not want to hear this kind of stuff for a long time. Take it or leave it; I'm just trying to help y'out! Peace, dawg! - Dwayner

Brother Dan: Here's just a little tip from Dwayner. I did the Gib. Ledge trip in January once and it was smooth sailing until the descent. We almost had a catastrophe as we approached the top of Gib. rock and chute. It get's pretty narrow there and you can look down to the Ingraham glacier on one side and the chute on the other. There were three of us roped up when we approached this exposed spot and I was in the middle when the guy behind me lost a crampon. He had these big leather-bottomed step-in gaitors ("overboots") that folks used to wear back in the day and he slipped and took off like a rocket down the ice. It was self-arrest or die and the guy picked up a lot of speed. I felt as if someone had dropped a giant anvil from my harness as I tore through several feet of ice or so it seemed. Definitely a close call and fortunately the rest of the descent was uneventful. That was 25 years ago and it still gives me the creeps when I think about it because I know the first guy wouldn't have been able to hold his two careening buddies if my self-arrest failed. Anyway, be safe on the whole trip, and extra-careful at that spot. And don't let your out-of-town buddies and their tight schedule pressure you into climbing if the weather or conditions suck. aloha, Dwayner P.S. And sometime I'll have to tell you about the guy in our group who slipped in his down booties in camp and fell 2,000 from Camp Hazard on the Kautz Route. Ouch!

P.P. I ain't familiar with that favorite Prairie Show of yours but I'll take it as a compliment. (Was she hot?) I'm not trying to compete in a popularity contest or whatever it is you're striving for and there is no need to reread my own prior posts. So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? So I'm repetitive? I thought I told you that I didn't want to hear from you again. I thought I told you that I didn't want to hear from you again. I thought I told you that I didn't want to hear from you again. Your sincerity regarding your wishes to me for a joyous weekend is seriously in question. However, I really do hope you have a fun and safe one. However, I hope you have a fun and safe one. - Dwayner - Dwayner

Hey "Peter Puget": I just lost ALL respect for you based on your last comment. I was originally under the impression that you were a bright individual interested in the civil exchange of ideas and debate, accompanied by a little good-natured teasing and attempts at wit. Instead, I get the same old trash-talk (which you've never heard from me) that characterizes much of the "discussion" on this site. I want nothing to do with you. Go in peace, pal, I mean that. - "Dwayner".

Enough of this nonsense....there's only one way to solve this ugly mess of name calling, sloppy thinking, and ethical quagmires...bring it to the court of final resort...LET BIG LOU DECIDE! - Dwayner P.S. If Big Lou is busy, Dwayner 'n Pope will be pleased to let you know what life is all about.

Hey Pub-Monkeys! How about some specifics: the name and address and directions to this place for those who may not know or can't remember? mahalo, Dwayner

Mr. Puget: For someone who poses as a logician, you sure operate with a lot of assumptions and innuendo. I ain't gonna bother getting into a pissing match with you because it will be boring to both of us if not everybody. I'll just say that whatever the intention (noble, well-thought out or otherwise), and despite the loss of "inches of rock", the result of this "experiment" at Dana's Arch remains dubious and should serve as a lesson for future "conservationists". - Dwayner And have a nice day all this week.

Charlie, I hear you're a fine feller but I never thought I'd see the day when the word "terrorism" was applied to a climbing area. I think we all now know what that word really means, although I suppose some sport climbers might have been momentarily terrorized when they realized that they would have to climb "trad" or go home if the bolts were missing. And where were the people screaming "atrocity" when the place got grid-bolted? So some hangers are missing: It could be a trad dude makin' a statement or a cheap sport-climber looking for free gear to put on his next "project"...maybe even elsewhere at Vantage (hangers ain't necessarily cheap in quantity). Whatever. People have been stealing bolt hangers for years and it's a nuisance if you expect one to be there. It's a pretty low class thing to do. I suppose you could carry a few hangers and nuts in your pack just in case. Or reinstall them permanently such as in the manner described by "haireball". Or better yet, learn to climb clean. Although I personally wouldn't mind seeing Vantage returned to a more natural state, my concern is that some novice and/or sporty nudnikim might get hurt if expected hangers are missing in a crucial spot. Oy! - Dwayner P.S. I didn't do it. P.P.S.S. I don't know who did it.

Mr. Puget:You are obscuring the issue which is about the appropriateness of the bolts. The crags are full of routes that have been enabled for free climbing by pin-pounding etc. The point is, that Dana's Arch can go "clean" now (if you're familiar with that concept) and assumably before the bolts as well, and the bolts are in theory unnecessary. In this case, it is a questionable example of substituting one dubious practice (crack destruction via piton) vs. another (bolting)with the latter being presented as a sound solution when it is in fact just another dirty option.By the way, pal, "Donna Top-Step" (not her real name) and I share many opinions because we are old friends. (In fact, I am probably responsible for introducing her to my version of mountaineering ethics). She rarely participates in this forum because of the abusive and undo attention she gets for being a female. So thanks for adding to it with your "doppelganger" comment. Perhaps your Doppelganger is a conspiracy theorist. Have a nice day. I mean that.aloha, DwaynerP.S. And what's with the "Herr Dwayner" business? That can be taken a number of different ways. shalom, Dwayner [ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ] [ 12-03-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Greetings from the International Institute of Pinnacle Peak Studies. You want beta? I'll give you some beta! Pinnacle Peak ("the Matterhorn of the Cascades") was my first climb ever and I have since climbed it 139 times by different routes. Here's what I think about winter action: there are three big faces: the south, the northeast and the west. The west face (the one above the summer trail) is vertical "choss" and you will find little of interest there. Steep alpine snow accumulates in pockets and on ledges on the intimidating NE face (above the permanent snowfield between the Pinnacle and Castle Peak). I suppose you could climb it in the winter but having done two routes on that face (including one involving late spring snow on the lower bits), I don't recommend it. The belays are dubious and rock gets worse and steeper the higher you get. If I recall, it was 3 or 4 pitches. The west side of the south face, which is a happy scramble during the summer, can be a big steep snow face when plastered with snow but nothing that would perplex someone who is confident. I've done it unroped a few times but a rappel on the descent might be nice. The north ridge is a good winter challenge. It starts out in a steep chute on the lower east side of the ridge. I had to burrow through a cornice at its top on one occasion. Another chute follows a little further along with a spooky runnout into space, and then some steep snowy rock climbing which is occasionally verglassed. It's about four pitches to the summit. The east ridge is also doable: one 1/2 to 2 pitches to the summit involving some bits of vertical rock. The south face is the easier descent. Do note that the summer approach to the Pinnacle/Plummer saddle is a terrain-death-trap in the winter. The usual winter approach is to the Pinnacle/Castle saddle by traveling the ascending tree'd ridges above Reflection Lakes in such a way to avoid most of the potential avalanchey areas on the way up, and although I've never heard of the Pinnacle/Castle snowfield avalanching, it seems to have the potential, and I've seen stuff come down the NE face of Pinnacle. Also, one needs to be careful getting to and on the south face. It involves traversing across a very large south-facing snow slope that will carry you a couple of thousand feet toward Packwood if it slides. (A skier was killed back there a few years ago.) For water ice/waterfall stuff? Never seen much up there that would be worth the effort. You probably know that Narada Falls down below and some things up the Nisqually River beyond the glacier bridge occasionally form up for a few days now and then. Have fun up in that lovely Tatoosh Range, and be safe in that snow! (And the views up there can be spectacular!) - Dwayner, self-proclaimed King of Pinnacle Peak and Emperor of the Tatoosh Range.

Dwayner's got a problem with Dana's Arch. Here is another example of where someone thought they were going to do the environment and all of us a big 'ole favor by sport bolting the first pitch (the arch itself) thereby saving the arch crack from further damage by piton. I don't understand such thinking given that a) it looks like the arch can be led clean on aid on tiny stuff and cam hooks if you've got the nerve; b) it can be free climbed and perhaps protected by tiny stuff if you have the nerve. c) a question: are adding permanent fixtures such as big ugly permanent bolts any less damaging to the environment? The same sort of story applies to the Lower Town Wall on "Numbah Ten" which is a stiff little aid climb but in the name of "free-climbing excellence", a line of closely placed bolts now dominates the climb, right alongside the crack that is the feature of the aid climb which can be led clean. It, too, could likely be led free on clean gear if someone has the nerve. Free climbing can be a great thing, but I think it loses its stylistic "superiority" when it resorts to bolting next to cracks that can be climbed clean. Everyone is probably sick of the bolt issue....but I'm not, and since you're featuring a notorious example in this topic, I had to pop off for those who weren't aware. aloha, Dwayner

Dwayner's been busy on Tuesday nights over the last two months, and now he's damn thirsty. Where's the pub night tomorrow? I have happy experiences at the ones in Ballard and in the U. District. Downtown Seattle sucks for parking. You ever think of doing one like in Federal Way or Southcenter so it ain't so crazy for the Tacoma/olympia dogs to head north? Someone set somethin' up! Beck and Matt P.: you guys seem to be the ringmasters, what up? Erik? we carpooling. Lisa G., Jules, Dynamite, Michelle, and the lovely Holly Climber: buy me some drinks. The rest of you buy them drinks. aloha - Dwayner

...kind of reminds me of a recent incident where I told some arrogant freak, "hey, pseudo-hippie, you can put that Hackey Sack where the sun don't shine". His response was to inform me that it wasn't a "Hackey-sack" which was a brand name, but a "foot-bag". Better yet, I say!- Dwayner [ 11-30-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

George Harrison...isn't he the guy who played keyboards for the Captain and Tennille and wrote their big hit tune, "Muskrat Love"?

I didn't write this one myself, but I heard it on television and it made me want to just run out to the car and bag some peaks! Perhaps it will have the same effect on you!: Captain: Are ya ready kids?Kids: Aye, Aye captain!Captain: I can't heeeaaar yooouuu!Kids: AYE, AYE CAPTAIN!Captain: oooooooooooo......... Captain: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: If nautical nonsense be somethin' ya wish.Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish.Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants!Captain: Ready? Sponge Bob Square Pants,Captain & Kids: Sponge Bob Square Pants,Sponge Bob Square Pants,Sponge Booob Square Paaants!Captain: Ah Ha Ha, Ha Ha Ha, Ha, hArgh wh..arire..Ha arrrigh. Ha arrigh! - Dwayner [ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

Officer Cave Dweller and others: Nope. The Reverend ain't me. Don't know who he is. Don't know why he would choose to use a phoney name similar to my phony name unless maybe it's his own real name. Ain't interested in sweaty-man spoonin' biv-wack stories. - "Dwayner"

Is this thing sponsored by Sleep Country? Will there be a category for sit-starts?...those are my favorite. In fact I'm sitting down right now, thinking about starting work.- Dwayner [ 11-27-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]

You know, I'm startin' to take this stuff personally when Brother Alex refers to the "completely worthless banter about nothing climbing related" on this site. Me and my buddy "pope", among several others, enjoy sharing bits and pieces of funny stuff whenever and wherever we dredge them up. We, in fact, consider ourselves to be at least alpine entertainers, if not de facto alpinists. And we get fan mail from lots of desk-tied folks who enjoy reading our stupid stories and comments. We use humorous "spray" to bring joy and contemplation into people's lives and occasionally as a forum to set the record straight as we see it. I was once a complete climbing fanatic, thinking of little else, and fortunately I'm somewhat less shallow now and can enjoy a broader view of life in its infinite interesting facets. Frankly, if this site were nothing but route descriptions and chatter about wonder fabrics, I wouldn't bother with it, but fortunately, there are many creative people who participate on this bulletin board who make it lively, informative and at times funny or provocative. I don't care for the mean-spirited stuff myself, but cutting out the material that doesn't conform to one's personal definition of relevance seems a bit selfish. Ultimately, Alex,it is the moderators to decide what goes on here so go convince them that the worthless banter is a bore and me and the other spray monkeys of all species will have to desist. Until that happens, I guess you're just going to have to read or skip by more tales of pope crapping on his own sleeping bag and alleged Big Lou sitings. aloha and best wishes, "Dwayner"

Did anyone even think about calling Big Lou?

Danzig's Mother? Is she friends with Stiffler's mother? But seriously folks, you wanna "get down", I mean really "get down" and "pumped up" for clippin', hangin', combin', dippin' and clippin' again? CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE! Crank up "Muskrat Love" when you're getting stoked for that dyno to the mono-doight or workin' on your hype in "iso".Check 'em out:Craggin' Motivators [ 11-26-2001: Message edited by: Dwayner ]