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      WELCOME TO THE CASCADECLIMBERS.COM FORUMS   02/03/18

      We have upgraded to new forum software as of late last year, and it makes everything here so much better!  It is now much easier to do pretty much anything, including write Trip Reports, sell gear, schedule climbing related events, and more. There is a new reputation system that allows for positive contributors to be recognized,  it is possible to tag content with identifiers, drag and drop in images, and it is much easier to embed multimedia content from Youtube, Vimeo, and more.  In all, the site is much more user friendly, bug free, and feature rich!   Whether you're a new user or a grizzled cascadeclimbers.com veteran, we think you'll love the new forums. Enjoy!
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allthumbs

A joke, for the hell of it...

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how do you know that the same "agent orange", do you have IP addresses or what?

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A rabbit is taking a shit in the woods when along comes a grizzly bear. Rabbit gets scared but bear squats down and starts pinching its own loaf, Rabbit lets out a big sigh thinking "whew hes not gonna eat me!".

 

The bear asks the rabbit - "Say, while we are both here, lemme ask ya, do you ever have a problem with Shit sticking to your fur?"

 

The rabbit is in Heaven! scary bear is not only not eating him but has deigned to ask himk a grooming related Question? So he proudly says "No, I never havce that problem because I groom my fur daily with milk thistles and also..."

 

"SHADDUP!" The bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

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The Golden Saloon

 

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden."

 

"Bullshit! There's no such place!"

 

Guy says, "Sure there is! It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - hell, even the urinal's gold!"

 

The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers.

 

"Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?"

 

There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"

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A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the

members.

 

A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

 

She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

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Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards

 

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk

But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

 

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow

Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

 

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store

In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

 

7. This feels so good, it feels so right

I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

 

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class

Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

 

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished

But now I'm fulfilled. .. . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

 

4. Through all the things that came to pass

Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

 

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie

I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

 

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny

So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

 

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister

You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

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One day Mickey Mouse drags Minny into court.

 

The Judge asks "What is this all about, Mickey?"

 

Mickey says "I want a divorce."

 

The judge asks "On what grounds?"

 

Mickey replies "Insanity, your Honor."

 

"How's that?" asks the Judge.

 

Mickey replies "Everyone keeps telling me she is fucking goofy."

 

[ 06-13-2002, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: RikRik ]

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Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on

Sunday pray for crop failure.

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One night a girl had an affair

With a fellow all covered with hair.

Then she picked up his hat

And realized that

She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.

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One night a girl had an affair

With a fellow all covered with hair.

Then she picked up his hat

And realized that

She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.

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A climber, who for years had neglected his wife in selfish pursuit of ratings and summits, finally promises his wife he'll stop climbing and pay more attention to her. She is of course very happy about this and for a few years things go well. The ex-climber husband gets a steady job, buys a nice home, works in the backyard on his rose garden, and has plenty of time for his wife.

 

Eventually, however, he grows discontent. Something has to change, he needs an outlet for all this pent-up energy. He starts to fantasize about a co-worker in the office, a sexy, athletic woman. One night he just can't take it, and asks the secretary to "work late". They do, order chinese food, and wind up taking a nap on the office couch. Eventually they pull a blanket over themselves and one thing leads to another -- they wind up sleeping together.

 

The next morning the co-worker asks the husband what he's going to tell his wife. He says the truth. The truth! she exclaims, won't that lead to trouble for the both of us? Don't worry, says the husband.

 

He heads home, but before going inside, he heads out to his rose garden and rubs his hands up and down the stalks. The thorns rip into his flesh, but he's not done. He drags the backs of his hands down the cement garden wall, until his hands are bloody pulps. Then he heads inside.

 

When his wife sees him she immediately asks his where he's been all night. He replies truthfully that he and his co-worker worked late, they ordered some chinese food, fell asleep on the couch, and made love like wild banshees.

 

When he'd finished his wife replied: "You're lying -- look at your hands -- you've been CLIMBING again!"

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Heavens no. I wouldn't presume to live up to the high double standards of most climbers. You know, the part about acting unethically but still telling the truth? [Cool]

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So there's this preacher of a little country church, one sunny Saturday he is looking at the faded, chipping and peeling paint and decides to paint the entire exterior of the church.

 

He buys 1 large paint brush and 1 gallon of paint.

 

By the time he has the first wall done, he realizes he hasn't bought enough paint to finish but has no time to go back to town for more. He remembers some advice from a painter friend about thinning out paint with water if they needed to stretch it out a little. By the time he is done it is more water than paint but, it looks pretty good.

 

Saturday night there is a violent rainstorm and Sunday morning all of the paint has washed away.

 

He cries out "Lord why have you forsaken me?"

 

God says "REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!" [Eek!]

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quote:

Originally posted by moron:

Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads

 

WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish...................... 49

Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends

Athletic.................... No tits

Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful................... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy

Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor

Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated

Free spirit................. Junkie

Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut

Fun......................... Annoying

Gentle...................... Comatose

Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic

New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned............Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs

Open-minded................. Desperate

Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk

Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional................ Certified Bitch

Redhead..................... Bad dye-job

Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light

Social.......... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray

Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker

Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself

Young at heart.............. Old bat

 

MEN'S ADS

40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated.............. Will patronize the shit out of you

Free Spirit........... Banging your sister

Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking.......... Arrogant

Very good looking..... Dumb as a board

Honest................ Pathological Liar

Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy

Mature................ Older than your father

Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not

interested

Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall

Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive........ Gay

Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts

here erik

[Wink]

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