ivan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Trip: [TR] Snowking Stumble-fuck - 12/27/2009 - Date: 12/27/2009 Trip Report: Trip: Snowking Stumble-fuck - Date: 12/27/2009 Trip Report: every frak'n december seems the same - i get a phatty 2 week break and burn w/ ambition to do somethang hard-kkkore, but then gotta figure out how to make it fit between xmas and new years and the eternally impetous weather this one was pretty much the same - drooling to take a 2nd whack at j'berg, at least until i looked at the forecast - monday was for good weather, but the next 3 days after were total dogshit - sigh - well, it's not like me n' my people are short of the mind-bending intoxicants that can render a death snow slog and 16 hr nights in a cramped tent damned tolerable tvashie was out last minute to heal up n' persue his rawk-star lifestyle, so it was just josh and i - 3 years ago we'd set out in the teeth of the worst forecast imaginable to do snowking and had ended up shit-hammered and horse-fucked barely 2 miles from the car, but had still managed to last 2 nights out - why not take a second shot? the virtue of the route is it's ability to be navigated safely in zero vis and dangerous avi conditions we brought several liters of wine, vodka, whiskey n' jaeger, 2 packs of smokes, all the fine swedish snus man can stand, handfuls of horse-tranquilzers, pep-pills, sleeping-pills, etc. etc. just in case we couldn't leave the car - also critical were our 2 mp3 playing systems, 2 pairs of speakers, and a video ipod w/ 22 episodes of the office as promised, day 1 was beautiful - not that it mattered, stuck in the shade as we were - the cascade river road, the turnoff n' the bridge, the new washouts, packed up and off - more washouts, an hour of abandoned road walking (mercifully in the dry this time - last time we did it w/ golf umbrellas deployed the whole time) into the forest! josh had his boards on his back of course. this section sucked satan's ballz last time, as the brush was so wet we were soul-soaked w/n 20 feet of the trailhead the lower forest section went crazy fast this time - good trail - no snow - clear route-finding - the main annoyance was, as the trail steepened to your typical cascade's tree-climb, that the forest floor was frozen solid and slick as shit w/ no snow coverage eventually the snow was reached - we switched over to slow-shoes for the retarded and happy, happy sliddy boards for the enlightened - eventually we found a nice camp near the col we were to hop through the next mornign day 2 morning lived up to expectations - gunmetal skies and a continious etheral fine-sifted snow, but blissfully not a breath of wind - ah well, pack the shit up and let's see how far we can get before despair sets in! after a couple hrs the terrain turned difficult - bizarre terrain traps and detours, easy to pass in summer and in spring were now giant crevasses and canyons - getting around and into the worst of them in the pouring snow, i saw the most delightful of places to throw up a camp, and even though we had a couple hrs till sundown, we eventually resolved to settle in for the night and get to the serious business of tying it on nice n' tight:) patagonia camp just before sundownt he snow let up and we got some views, including our objective - w/ only another night of food, we figured to keep camp stationary the next day and day-trip as far as possibly, hitting the summit if the weather and conditions allowed it, otherwise just chilling if the inevitably blizzard set in holy shit, dawn broke w/ no wind and glorious skies! i gulped down my 2nd gullet-full of grits n' bacon and we were off, meself w/ no more than the fag-pack of me mega-gregory-denali, mercifully light needless to say, the anti-vernal vistas were cumshots on the virgin-mary's visage! the way was not easy unfortunately, a lot of traversing n' up n' down, but all on beautiful sugary-snow by noon it was clear we weren't getting close to the big boy - we'd need another day or better hiking conditions or better wedder everyday or sumthang - still, no reason not to enjoy the sights... [video:youtube] josh in gawd's kkkountry dildorado, site of our mutual molestation a mere 6 months ago! a fine time of year for the forbidden traverse looking back at our highpoint - the wind had started, sundogs had first surronded the sun, then blotted it out as the clouds crowded the southern sky - the final straw that is was time to flee was when naval aircraft began roaring just a few hundred feet above our heads, barrel-rolling and generally acting like they were having way more fun than us by evening it was clear the great cock of the creator was being positioned for a massive thrust up our ass-canals in the immediate future luckily we had plenty of office episodes left to watch... [video:youtube] my midnight it was douching snow - the next morning it went on unabated - it kindly cut off for the hour required to break camp and take off, but soon it closed in again and chased us out of the wilderness i am a retard sasquatch i'm gonna do my best in the years to come to forget the last bit of the bitch-slap - the half hour spent questing for josh's cached shoes - the thrutch-fuck down the dipshit steep forest slope - the trail gone - the fresh foot of snow - the fall after fall over logs n' forest-fuckall - the eventual emergence onto the even older 4wd road that probalby closed 50 years ago and is now only discernable from the surronding wilderness by the fact that it's flat, but oh-so-awfully overgrown n' plastered in thick, wet flakes we did eventually make it to the road, and then it was just a matter of endurance and embracing the suck, and then getting so wasted we couldn't possibly recollect a bit of it [video:youtube] to next year! 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Jon H Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 That was beautifully vulgar. Thanks for an entertaining TR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdDog Posted January 4, 2010 Share Posted January 4, 2010 I've always been at a loss for words to decribe our beautiful mountains. You have now provided me with those words. "thrutch-fuck". The most eloquent vulgarity ever written. A totally entertaining TR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mtguide Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Stellar; another Ivanesque TR for the ages. Lots of pungent terminology there: "Dildorado", and especially "cumshots on the virgin mary's visage". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 backwards day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBo6 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Double TR too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tvashtarkatena Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I'm still deciding whether or not I'm sorry I missed out on this one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom_Sjolseth Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 You've got my vote for entertaining TR of the year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenity Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Good report. Captain Caveman, myself, and one of Jim Nelson's store minions did that thrutch about 8 years ago. Pretty entertaining piece of woods. Won't be back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
To_The_Top Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 i'm konfused - how did 3 comments end up before the original tr? goddammmmmmmmit! another december exactly as i desribed and the same bullshit, and this time my plan to go to zion is thwarted by a closure of hte whole fucking utardian park?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevetimetravlr Posted December 22, 2010 Share Posted December 22, 2010 Two words, El Potero Chico muchacha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted December 22, 2010 Author Share Posted December 22, 2010 too long a drive and international borders and i have lately not gone so well together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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