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olyclimber Proficient

olyclimber

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Repo Man theme music now begins playing. Map is shown in background (green text on black background), zoomed in on Los Alamos, New Mexico. While remaining credits are shown, the map travels to Sante Fe, then Albuquerque, then begins following US66 west through Arizona to California, finally ending up a few miles east of Goffs (northwest of Needles).

 

Green '64 Chevy Malibu

 

Malibu is weaving down the highway in the desert, passes billboard with motorcycle cop behind it. Cop pulls out behind Malibu.

 

J. Frank Parnell (driving the Malibu and singing softly): Forty-niner and his daughter Clementine. Oh my darlin, oh my darlin...

 

Motorcycle cop pulls the car over, gets off motorcycle and raps on car window.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Clementine Clemen-

 

County Sheriff: Let me see your drivers license.

 

Radio: Post ten-eighteen. Post ten-eighteen.

 

County Sheriff: From out of town, hmm? What's you got in the trunk?

 

J. Frank Parnell: oah...you don't want to look in there.

 

County Sheriff: Give me the keys.

 

The motorcycle cop walks around to the back of the car and opens the trunk. The car has New Mexico license plates KBB-283. In every scene after this when the plates are visible, they will be 127-GBH. This might refer to "Charged GBH", which was (and may still be) a British punk band, or to the possibility that some consider GBH to stand for "Grevious Bodily Harm".

 

County Sheriff: AHHHHHH!

 

The motorcycle cop gets disintegrated, leaving behind a pair of flaming boots (a reference to the movie Timerider, which was co-written and produced by Mike Nesmith). Parnell watches from side mirror, where we see that the left side of his sunglasses have no lens.

 

J. Frank Parnell (driving away): Oh my darlin Clementine, you are lost now gone forever, dreadful sorry Clementine.

 

Otto and Kevin, in the supermarket, facing cans of generic yellow cling sliced peaches.

 

Kevin: Do Do Do De Do De Do De Do De Do Feeling Do De Da Do De Do De Do Feeling seven-up. I'm feeling seven-up. Feeling seven up. I'm feeling seven up. It's a crisp refreshing feeling crystal clear and light. America's drinking seven-up and it sure feels right. Feeling lucky seven.

 

Otto puts price sticker on Kevin's glasses.

 

Otto: Kevin stop singing man.

 

Kevin: Feeling seven eleven.

 

Kevin: Hum. I wasn't singing guy.

 

Otto: I'm standing right next to you and you're fucking (flippin) singing. Cut it out.

 

Kevin: Jeeze. Why so tense guy?

 

Mr. Humphries: Otto?

 

Kevin: Mister Humphries!

 

Mr. Humphries: You were late again this morning. Now normally I'd let it go but it's been brought to my attention that you're not paying attention to the way you space the cans. Many young men of your age in these uncertain times-

 

Mr. Humphries: Otto! Are you paying attention to me?

 

Louie: Hey! He's talking to you!

 

Otto [giving Louie the middle finger with both hands]: Fuck (flip) you!

 

Kevin chuckles

 

Otto grabs Kevin by the front of his shirt, steps around him, and pushes him into the stack of cans (this has been described as a goof but it's clearly just a case of awkward staging used to make the shot work).

 

Louie pulls his gun.

 

Louie: (Basta!) [bendecho. Come on fucker. Come on just try it. Come on.]

 

Kevin: You gotta love getting fired from your job in a big way, Otto.

 

Mr. Humphries (to Kevin): What are you laughing at? Louie, throw him out too.

 

Louie: Come on you [fucking] worm. Get out of here.

 

Louie shoves Kevin down aisle where Otto is walking out. Otto takes off his clip-on bow tie and tosses it back towards Louie. Louie twirls his gun and puts it away. Note that the store aisle is lined with nothing but generic products, plain black lettering on white background. All products in movie from now on will have this appearance.

 

Punks slamdancing to Coup D'etat in the back of a warehouse.

 

Otto is there slamdancing and Duke walks up, the two of them swing each other around. Behind them, the graffiti on the wall says "Circle Jerks", a band which will appear later in the movie.

 

Otto: How you doing dude? When did you get out of the slammer man?

 

Otto enters bedroom where Debbi is waiting in bed.

 

[ Otto, getting undressed: Ah. Excuse me while I fold my pants.

 

Debbi: What's the difference? ]

 

Otto: Huh?

 

Otto lays back on the bed and puts his hands behind his head.

 

Otto: okay

 

Debbi pulls back his shirt a little and begins kissing his stomach, then stops.

 

Debbi: Otto. Otto.

 

Otto: What?

 

Debbi: Get me another beer.

 

Otto goes downstairs and there's a party going on. Institutionalized plays in background.

 

Kevin: Ow. Cool. Ow. Dammit. I'm supposed to be the host here.

 

Kevin: Ow!

 

Otto returns to the bedroom

 

Otto: Debbi honey. I got you a beer.

 

Otto turns on light and finds Duke there with Debbi.

 

[Otto: Shit.

 

Debbi: Just ignore him Duke he's nothing but a big baby.

 

Duke: Turn the fucking light out.]

 

Otto leaves room just as Kevin arrives and looks in the door.

 

Kevin: What are you doing? Nobody supposed to be up here. This is my parent's room.

(Kevin: Dude, nobody supposed to be up here, this is my parent's room.)

 

[Otto in a vacant lot drinking a beer.

 

It's early morning and Otto starts walking.

 

Otto: Don't want to talk about anything else. We don't want to know. We're just dedicated...to our favorite shows. Saturday night live, Monday night football, Dallas, Jeffersons, Gilligan's island, Flintstones. ]

 

Otto still walking, but it's light now.

 

Bud pulls up next to him in a blue sedan.

 

Bud: Hey kid! (Honk) Hey! Hey kid! Hey! Hey! Are you hard of hearing?

 

Otto: What do you want?

 

Bud: You want to make ten bucks?

 

Otto: Fuck you, queer.(Shove off, pervert)

 

Bud: Now waita minute wait a minute kid you got the wrong idea. Look my old lady is real sick and I got to get her to the hospital, okay?

 

Otto: So what? Take her there.

 

Bud: I can't. I can't leave her car in this bad area. Look I need some helpful soul to drive it for me, okay? She's pregnant. She's with twins. She could drop at any time. All right?

 

Otto: Well, uh, how much are you going to give me?

 

Bud: Fifteen bucks.

 

Otto: No. Won't do it for less than twenty.

 

Bud: Twenty-five. Follow me in my old lady's car. It’s right here. okay?

 

Otto: All right... Where's, uh, where's your old lady at?

 

Bud: Never mind about that. Right now we need to get both of my cars out of this bad area, allright? Come on.

 

Otto gets in the car, a white 4 door Cutlass sedan.

 

from the apartment: (baby crying) Papa! (?) aqui. un gringo (en la calle con su coche)

 

[Looking through the window of the apartment, the sedan becomes a 2 door coupe.]

 

Bud: Let's go.

 

Car owner, grabbing Otto: (Vete la chingada!) (followed by several more exclamations in Spanish)

 

Bud and Otto drive down freeway, Chevy Malibu swerves in front of them. It is moving right across the lanes but has the left blinker on.

 

Bud and Otto enter the Helping Hand Acceptance Corporation

 

(Marlene talks on phone simultaneously with other conversations).

Marlene: Helping hand acceptance corporation, Marlene speaking.

 

Repo victim: You know damn straight what I'm talking about. It's sitting right out side. It took me two weeks to get this money up so I can come and get it.

 

Marlene: I don't think so sir you'll have to call back. I'll call you back O.K.?

 

Oly: That ain't your car.

 

Repo victim's girl: Hey don't let him lie to you like that. Unh?

 

Marlene: Thanks Bud.

 

Repo victim: Are you going to give me my car or do I got to go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet.

 

Marlene: Helping hand acceptance corporation Marlene speaking.

 

Plettschner: Take it easy sonny boy.

 

Repo victim's girl: Shut up rent-a-cop.

 

Oly: Best goddamn (gol-durn) car on the lot.

 

Repo victim: You damn right it is.

 

Marlene: Will you, Will you hold please?

 

Marlene: Helping hand acceptance corporation Marlene speaking.

 

Repo victim: Say moma what's happening? You want to take a lift?

 

Marlene: No thank you. L.A.P.D. I wanted to report a repo in Boro heights area.

 

Repo victim's girl: Let's go.

 

The Repo victim and his girl leave

 

Plettschner: A Cadillac. Is he a pimp?

 

Bud: Shut up Plettschner.

 

Marlene: Bud what street was that car on?

 

Bud: Honey I don't know, some alley uh. Hey kid!

 

Otto: What?

 

Bud: Hey what street was the Cutlass on?

 

Otto: I don't know. What happened to your old lady?

 

Marlene: They don't know I'll call you back.

 

Marlene: Helping hand acceptance corporation Marlene speaking.

 

Bud: My old lady? Oh shit (shoot)! I forgot all about her. Well she'll take the bus. She's a rock.

 

Marlene: What kind of car? What kind of car?

 

Bud: Hey come on in. Marlene! Marlene!

 

Marlene: Can you hold?

 

Oly: Got a name kid?

 

Otto: Yeah! It's Otto.

 

Oly: Otto! Otto parts? HAHAHA

 

Oly throwing Otto a beer: Here kid.

 

The phone rings and Oly answers

 

Oly answering the phone: Helping hand.

 

Marlene is talking on the phone, but a continuous cut now shows her holding a pencil in both hands.

 

Marlene: You got a drivers license honey?

 

Oly on the phone: Oh Yeah! Fuckin-a (flippin right) we ripped your car. Asshole (airhead)!

 

Marlene: Let me see it.

 

Oly on the phone: You want to know who told us where it was? Your goddamn (gol-durned) brother.

 

Marlene: Are you really twenty-one?

 

Otto: That's what it says doesn't it.

 

Oly: Hey you want some help with that beer kid?

 

Otto: You're all repo men.

 

Oly: What if we are?

 

Otto pours the beer on the floor.

 

Bud: You know kid, uhh, usually when someone pulls shit (stuff) like that my first reaction is uhh I want to punch his fucking (flippin) lights out.

 

Bud: But you know something?

 

Bud and Oly: You're all right!

 

Bud: Right Lite?

 

Lite enters

 

Lite: Got any messages for me baby?

 

Marlene: Yeah. Here you go.

 

Oly: Cracks me up.

 

Lite: Somebody pissed (puked) on the floor again?

 

Oly: Maybe he's looking for a job? Huh budsky?

 

Bud: Could be? What do you say kid were always on the look out for a few good men.

 

Otto: Screw (stuff) that! Ain't going to be no repo man. No way!

 

Marlene, handing Otto the 25 dollars: It's too late...you already are.

 

Otto out in the yard with Miller

 

Miller (handing Otto a pine tree air freshener): You find one in every car. You'll see.

 

Back in the desert

 

We begin scene looking through the windshield of a police motorcycle. The windshield of the police motorcycle naturally has a pine tree air freshener hanging from it. We see some people searching around in the desert, most of them in radiation suits, with a local sheriff following a woman in a business suit. We can faintly hear both the police radio on the motorcycle and the sheriff talking.

 

Radio: Come in Officer Labeef do you read me?

 

Radio: Chuck, will you stop screwin' around?

 

Sheriff: [Years ago I saw five cows mutilated. Legs sticking up in the air. Their ah their ah testicles were cut off. I think Canadian bacon is better myself.] I've never seen the like of that.

 

Radio: I've got the stats on that car, Officer Labeef.

 

Radio: Ten-forty Baker...

 

Sheriff: What could have done that to him? Gasoline? Napalm?

 

Agent Rogersz: It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes.

 

Sheriff: What?

Rogersz enters van. Sheriff tries to follow, but door is closed by an agent wearing radiation suit. Inside van, computer screen prints out the following:

Suspect presence on west coast confirmed

44% possibility Los Angeles

Locate immediately

Do not notify police

 

Agent Rogersz: Suspect presence on west coast confirmed. Do not notify police.

 

Otto and Kevin on a porch in the rain

 

Otto: Night watchman in Pomona.

 

Kevin: Yep.

 

Otto: Asbestos worker. City of industry.

 

Kevin: Yep Yep!

 

Otto: French fry maker Agoura. Ha Ha that's absurd.

 

Kevin: Yeah? Well you think it's funny huh? There's fucking (lots of) room to move as a fry cook, man. You know I could be manager in two years? King! God! (egad!)

 

Otto: You know Kevin, I had this wild fucking (flippin) dream the other night.

 

Kevin: I bet.

 

Otto: It was with you and me and we were working in this sleazy shithole (shabby) motel down in Miami, Florida. And we were bellhops and we were sixty-five years old. It was so real it was really real, realistic.

 

Kevin: And then what, you woke up in a puddle (cold sweat)?

 

Otto: Fuck you! (drop dead)

 

Kevin: Fucking (you) jerk.

 

Otto stands up and starts to walk away.

 

Kevin: Where you going asshole (snotnose)?

 

Otto: Away from you.

 

Otto gets off the Edge City #127 bus and comes home. Mom and Dad are watching TV

 

Note: Edge City, also the name of the film's production company, is a recurring theme in Tom Wolfe's "Electric Kool-Ade Acid Test".

 

Reverend Larry on the TV: The lord has told me personally. Yay for I walk with the lord, Amen. He said Larry you and your flock shall seek the promise land. But only if you first destroy the twin evils of godless communism abroad and liberal humanism at home. Oh joy and Hallelujah smash 'em down. Now my friends.

 

Otto: Mother, father. Got anything to eat?

 

Reverend Larry: Occasionally we get a letter from a viewer that says now the only reason Reverend Larry comes on your television set is because he wants your money. And do you know what? They're right! I do want your money. Because god wants your money. So I want you to go out and mortgage that home and sell that car and send me your money. You don't need that car. (continues in background)

 

Otto mom: Put it on a plate son you'll enjoy it more.

 

Otto: I couldn't enjoy it any more mom MMM MMM MMM This is swell.

 

Otto: Dad? Hey Dad?

 

Otto dad: What is it son?

 

Otto: Do you remember that you once told me along time ago. Well not too long ago but ummm. That you told me that you'd give me a thousand dollars to go to Europe if I finish school. Well you know something? You were right. About finishing school that's ah that's what I'd like to do. But umm I want to know if I could have the money first. Like now. [You know I really love you Dad I've always loved you. You too mom. What do you say?

 

Otto dad: I don't have it anymore.

 

Otto: What?]

 

Otto mom: You father gave all our extra money to the Reverend's telethon, Otto. [We're sending bibles to El Salvador.]

 

Otto: Well what about me?

 

Otto dad: You're on the honor roll of the chariots of fire. Same as us, Otto. It was a gift. From all of us jointly.

 

Otto mom: We're sending bibles to El Salvador.

 

Otto and Bud riding in Bud's car

 

Jazz music plays on the radio. In almost all scenes inside of Bud's car, Jazz music will be playing on the radio.

 

In this sequence the background changes from day to night, back to day, and back to night again (during the speed snorting scene) even though the dialog seems continuous. I believe that this was done intentionally to show the passage of time, but the disjointed events are cut so smoothly as to make it seem like they goofed the continuity. It's clearer in the TV version where there truly is a break between the line about speed and the actual snorting.

 

Otto: So how much do I get paid, twenty-five buck a car.

 

Bud: Paid? You don't get paid. Are you kidding, you work on commission, that's better than getting paid.

 

Bud: Most cars you rip are worth two or three hundred dollars. Fifty thousand dollar Porsche (german pronounciation) might make ya five grand.

 

Bud honking at car in front of him: Come on dickhead (dumbhead).

 

Bud: It helps if you dress like a detective, too. Detectives dress kind of square. People think this guy is a cop. They're going to think you're packing something. They don't fuck (mess) with you so much.

 

Otto: Are you?

 

Bud: Am I what?

 

Otto: Packin' something.

 

Bud: Ha. Only an asshole (a jackass) gets killed for a car. Guys who make it are the guys who get into their cars at anytime. Get in at three A.M. get up at four. That's why there ain't a repo man I know that don't take speed.

 

Otto: Speed huh?

 

Bud at payphone

 

Bud is talking on phone.

 

Bud: I'll call you back! (hangs up) Flippin general telephone.

 

Bud picks up phone and dials. Phone begins making a loud whining noise.

 

Bud gets sledgehammer from car and destroys phone while Otto watches. When Bud is done, Otto gets crowbar from car and beats side of phone with it while laughing.

 

Bud: C'mon.

 

Otto and Bud in car in alley

 

(In the television version, this entire scene takes place while watching Bud's car drive down a road, but you can still hear the snorting in the background.)

 

[bud snorting a line: Jesus Christ.]

 

Bud: Never broke into a car. Never hot-wired a car. Kid. I never broke into a trunk. I shall not cause harm to any vehicle nor the personal contents thereof. Nor through inaction let that vehicle or the personal contents thereof come to harm. That's what I call the repo code kid. Don't forget it etch it in your brain. Not many people got a code to live by anymore.

 

Bud: Hey! Hey look at that. Look at those assholes (that) over there.

 

We see a group of people around a tow truck with a car being hooked up to it.

 

Bud: Ordinary [fucking] people I hate 'em.

 

Otto: Me too.

 

Bud: What do you know? See an ordinary person spend his life avoiding tense situations. Repoman spends his life getting into tense situations. [Assholes]! Lets go get a drink.

 

Otto and Bud in a store

 

Bud sets 2 six packs of "drink" down on the counter.

 

Bud: Tense situations kid. Get into five or six of them a day and it don't mean shit (zilch) anymore. I mean I seen men stabbed and it didn't mean shit (zilch). I've seen guns. Guns too they don't mean shit (zilch) but that's when you got to watch your self. Here I'll handle it pal. Uh settle down.

 

Bud: Have a nice day. Or night. Night, day, it doesn't mean shit (zilch).

 

Duke, Archie, and Debbi rise from behind counter as Otto and Bud leave.

 

Duke: Wasn't that Otto?

 

Debbi: Otto who?

 

Duke: You gotta watch yourself. (takes off mask) Have a nice day . . . night.

 

Parnell drives Malibu across bridge

 

Otto and Bud in front of house with tow truck

 

Bud: This is what I call phase 2 ace. If the dealer don't have the keys, you call the truck. And it is a heartbreak to be sitting waiting for the truck and the giblet comes out and drives it away. Once you've got this baby on the hooks, she's all ours.

 

Man comes out of house with shaving cream on face.

 

Pakman: Oh no you don't. I'm nipping this in the bud right now. You are not going to take this car. I know my rights. There is absolutely no way you're going to take it.

 

Bud: Uh, are you miss Luann Pakman?

 

Pakman: Obviously not. I'm Arthur Pakman. Luann is my daughter. Now you're going to have to take this matter up with her.

 

Bud: Well don't think I haven't tried, sir, but she hasn't had the decency to call us in months. I mean, I've skipped trace this car all over town.

 

Pakman: Well, uh, Luann is sick. Now the damn car isn't working anyway, and I know, I know that's why she hasn't paid you.

 

Bud: Well, she could have called us? Look, all you've go to do is call my branch manager, I will abide with whatever he says.

 

Bud hands Pakman a business card.

 

Pakman reading card: I. G. Farben. . . What do you take me for, a moron? If I go in there, you're going to take this car away.

 

Bud: What, and lose my job? The law requires that I stay right here until you call my branch manager.

 

Pakman: That's the law?

 

Bud: That's the law.

 

Pakman begins walking toward house.

 

Pakman: I'll be right back.

 

Pakman goes inside and Bud and Otto leave with the car as Pakman comes running back out of the house.

 

Otto and Bud driving down a waterway

 

Bud: There's going to be some bad shit (stuff) coming down one of these days kid.

 

Otto: Oh yeah? Where you going to be? On the moon?

 

Bud: Ung Uh, I'm going to be right here heading north at a hundred and ten per.

 

Otto: In this junker?

 

The Rodriguez brothers pull up along side of them in a red convertible with black fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror. Latino music plays on the radio.

 

Otto: Cool car.

 

Bud: Uh Oh! The Rodriguez brothers.

 

[Lagarto flips them off

 

Otto: Motherfucker just flipped you off.

 

Bud: Roll the window down.] Roll the window down.

 

Lagarto: A donde vas, pendejo?

 

Bud: A chingas tu esposa!

 

A brother: Hey Bud, hey Bud, who's your new girlfriend?

 

Otto: Watch it mother fucker. (Girlfriend? watch it melonfarmer!)

 

Lagarto: Hey fuck you pussy punk. (flip you, you punk.)

 

[Otto: Holy shit.]

 

Napoleon: Want me to take them?

 

Otto: Wo! Hey!

 

They chase each other and end up sliding out in a huge puddle. In one shot during the chase, Lagarto is missing from the passenger's seat.

 

Bud: God damn dipshit Rodriguez gypsy dildo punks. I'll get your ass!

(Bud: dang blamed dumb suck Rodriguez gypsy devil punks. I'll get your can!)

 

Otto: HAHAHA WOW! That was intense.

 

Bud: Repo man's always intense. Come on let's go get a drink.

 

Otto: Gee bud. You never told me it was going to be like this man. Cops and robbers. Hahahahah. Real live car chases. Hahahahah.

 

Duke, Archie and Debbi leaving a liquor store they just robbed

 

Archie has a bag over his head. Debbi accidentally fires gun into the air.

 

Archie: Shit (shoot)! Debbi!

 

Duke: If you say our names we'll have to kill all these people Archie.

 

Archie: They all ran away.

 

Debbi: Come on you douche bags. (come on, get the lead out.)

 

They run out, Archie's bag flying off his head. Bud and Otto enter just after they leave.

 

Bud: Awful quiet in here. It's too quiet.

 

Otto: So who are these Rodriguez boys.

 

Bud: Rodriguez brothers. Lagarto and Napoleon. Two notorious delinquents currently responsible for at least thirty vehicles in the field.

 

Quick shot of Rodriguez brothers in car lot signing papers on a car. Although not made entirely clear in the movie, Lagarto and Napoleon apparently will buy an inexpensive car and pay for it in order to establish a good credit rating. Then they go out and buy nice cars and never make payments on them.

 

Lite and Otto in Lite's car

 

Otto: Scumbags

 

Lite: They ain't scumbags. They car thieves just like use.

 

Lite: There's Miss Magruder. You want to go for it?

 

Lite hands Otto a bag. Otto looks inside and laughs.

 

Otto: Good gag, you pull this one a lot?

 

Lite: Only on the women. It never fails.

 

Otto: Excuse me? Miss Magruder? I have something here for you.

 

Otto takes dead rat from bag and tosses it into Ms. Magruder's car

 

Ms. Magruder: Uhm how utterly charming.

 

Ms. Magruder sprays Otto in the face with mace

 

Otto: Ow! Ow! Ow! Motherfucker! (mother...) Ow! Ow! Ow! Christ! I'm blind man. Lite? Lite, where are you man?

 

Otto and Bud outside a Laundromat

 

Bud: Ruthside Peason brokerage consultant. Fucking (flippin) millionaire six payments behind. I've never understood it.

 

Otto: What's that?

 

Bud: The fucking (flippin) millionaires. They never pay their bills. See you at the yard.

 

Otto: Let me get this one.

 

Bud: No. I'll handle this one. Mister Peason is carrying a permit for a pistol.

 

Otto grabs the slimjim and gets out of the car

 

Bud: Hey! Hey! Hey! Give me that.

 

Otto: Don't underestimate me ace.

 

Inside laundromat, talking to two kids:

 

Ruthside Peason: And also, naturally, I'd like them to be right next to each other. In addition I'd like them to be as close to the window as possible so I can sit in my car and watch my things. So all you have to do is take your clothes out of here like this and put them into a machine over there like that.

 

Peason Sees Otto driving off with the car.

 

Ruthside Peason: Oh my god (lord)! Oh! Oh my god (lord)! Stop!

Peason runs out door after car. Two kids grab Peason's clothes and throw them out the door.

 

Otto driving the car, a red Cadillac

 

Car radio plays Pablo Picasso. Otto sees Leila running on the sidewalk and slows down while watching her.

 

Otto: Hey! Hey! You want a ride? Hey babe need a ride?

 

Otto runs into some garbage cans, stops and gets out just as an old lady walks up.

 

Old lady: Pick it up! Look at you. You pick it up. You know yourself you were wrong.

 

Otto: Well what were they doing out in the middle of the street?

 

Old lady: They weren't in the middle of the street. That not the middle of the street that's the corner.

 

Old lady: Go on you pick it up.

 

Otto: What?

 

Old lady: You pick it up.

 

Otto: Haha, no way. You still want a ride or what?

 

Old lady: No I don't.

 

Leila and Otto drive off in the car

 

Otto: My name is Otto.

 

Leila: Leila. Is this your car?

 

Otto: Yeah it's one of them.

 

Leila: Heh, one of them? You think you're pretty slick don't ya? I bet you're a used car salesman.

 

Otto: I am not.

 

Leila: You dress like one.

 

Otto: I'm a repo man.

 

Leila: What's that?

 

Otto: It’s a repossesser. I take back cars from dildos (deadbeats) who don't pay their bills. Cool huh?

 

Hombre Secreto plays on car radio.

 

Leila: No.

 

Leila hides as a car with two men pulls up next to them

 

Otto: What are you doing?

 

Leila: Those men in the car next to us don't look at them. Don't look at them! If they see me they'll kill me.

 

Otto: Really why?

 

Otto: Ow! What the hell are you doing?

 

Otto: What's going on?

 

Leila: Take a look at this.

 

Leila shows Otto a picture of condoms, filled with water and wearing grass skirts. We notice that she is wearing a yellow happy face watch.

 

Otto: What's this? It looks like sausage.

 

Leila: It isn't sausage Otto. That's a picture of four dead aliens.

 

Otto: HAHAHAH

 

Leila: Laugh away fuckface (fatface) that picture is going to be on the cover of ever major newspaper in two days time.

 

Otto: How do you know that?

 

Leila: Part of a secret network. A scientist who is also in our secret sect smuggled the corpses off of this air force base. Now he's got them in the truck of his car. It's a Chevy Malibu. We've got to find him.

 

Otto: What are you going to do with them, put them on Johnny Carson?

 

Leila: Yes! We're going to have a press conference and tell the world.

 

Radio: Ehw. What's that? I don't know dear. But it is alive. It seems friendly though. Aw look it's curled up. How cute oh no. Maybe we can take it home it doesn't seem to have any. Oh yes let's. But no! No matter how appealing do not let strange creature in you house. We all know strange creatures are on the increase. Many of them do seem furry and adorable, but beware we don't know from whence they came. Be safe. Be safe. Report strange incidences today. (continues in background)

 

They pull up in front of a building

 

Otto: United fruitcake outlet.

 

Leila: My door doesn't open.

 

Otto lets Leila out

 

Leila: Thanks for the ride.

 

As Leila stands there, we notice she has a yellow happy face pin on her dress.

 

Otto: Sure Ummm I don't know. what do you think? Ah want to go out with me again sometime?

 

Leila: I don't know. I'm going to be kind of busy with work, the Malibu and everything.

 

Otto: Hey great. Terrific. Here's your shit (stuff).

 

Leila: What's your problem? I mean girls might like you if you lightened up a little bit.

 

Otto: Fuck (Flip me). Girls pay to go out with me. All right?

 

Leila: You wanna get back in the car?

 

Otto: What, here?

 

Leila: Yeah.

 

Squeals are heard from the back seat of the car

 

Back at the Helping Hand Acceptance Corporation

 

Oly: Twenty thousand dollars for a Chevy Malibu?

 

Oly: Who's double X finance?

 

Marlene: Store front operation, but the money is in escrow.

 

Otto sits down and picks up a copy of the News. The alien picture is on the front page and the headline reads "Top Professors Startling Discovery: ETs Will Land Any Day Now".

 

Marlene: Want me to notify the boys?

 

Oly: Uh, naw. They're always bitching (crying) about their case load. I think I'll go out for a while.

 

Marlene: Why? We out of beer?

 

Oly: Somebody has to work around here. Keep making me money kid.

 

Otto (his lips not moving): Fuck (flip) you.

 

Otto and Lite out in the field

 

Lite: Man we've been looking for this little red devil for a long time. Just act natural. Nobody knows if it’s your car or somebody elses car.

 

Lite: Now you work with that. You give it a try. All right?

 

Lite: Let me give you a hand we don’t have a whole year to find it boy.

 

Otto: Got it.

 

They slimjim the car and get in

 

Lite: Lets get out of here. Put your seat belt on.

 

Lite: Put your seat belt on boy! I don't ride with anybody unless they wear their seatbelt. It's one of my rules.

 

Otto, going through Lite's briefcase, picks up gun.

 

Lite: Put that damn gun down boy. It ain't no toy. [shit.]

 

Driving away in the car

 

Lite: I walk into someone's place of work. They shit (plum) scared. They know I'm not a cop. They think I've come to kill 'em and I would. I'd kill anybody who crosses me. You know what I mean?

 

Otto goes through glove compartment, puts on pair of sunglasses he finds there (reference to the movie Kings of the Road with cinematography by Robby Mueller). Lite puts a lighter to the cigarette in his mouth, but fails to light it. A few moments later he does it again and succeeds in getting it lit.

 

Lite: Do you like music?

 

Otto: Sure.

 

Lite: In that case you're going love this.

 

Lite puts cassette in player. Lite's Theme starts playing.

 

Lite: I was into these dudes before anybody. Partied with them all the time. Asked me to be their manager. I called bullshit (no way) on that. Managing a pop group hey that ain't no job for no man.

 

Otto sees boxes wrapped in ribbons in back seat and hands one to Lite who throws it out window. A car runs over box and we see that it is full of money. Otto continues throwing boxes out of the window.

 

Lite: You read that book I gave you?

 

Otto: What book?

 

Lite: Dioretix. Science of matter over mind.

 

Otto: Unh uhg

 

Lite: You'd better read it and quick. That book will change your life. Found it in a Maseratti in Beverly hills. [You know what I mean?]

 

Otto and Miller in vacant lot under bridge

 

Otto holds up book he's about to throw in burning garbage can. Book says "Dioretix: The Science of Matter over Mind. By A. Rum Bi..."

 

Miller: A lot of people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch of unconnected incidences and things. They don't realize that there's this like lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything. I'll Give you an example, show you what I mean. Suppose you thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly somebody will say like plate or shrimp or plate of shrimp out of the blue no explanation. No point in looking for one either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

 

Otto: You eat a lot of acid Miller, back in the hippie days?

 

Miller: I'll give you another instance. You know the way everybody's into weirdness right now. Books in all the supermarkets about Bermuda triangles, UFO's, how the Mayans invented television. That kind of thing.

 

Otto: I don't read them books.

 

Miller: Well the way I see it it's exactly the same. There ain't no difference between a flying saucer and a time machine. People get so hung up on specifics. They miss out on seeing the whole thing. Take South America for example. In South America thousands of people go missing every year. Nobody knows where they go. They just like disappear. But if you think about it for a minute, you realize something. There had to be a time when there was no people. Right?

 

Otto: Yeah. I guess.

 

Miller: Well where did all these people come from? hmmm? I'll tell you where. The future. Where did all these people disappear to? hmmm?

 

Otto: The past?

 

Miller: That's right and how did they get there?

 

Otto: How the fuck (hell) do I know?

 

Miller: Flying saucers. Which are really? Yeah you got it. Time machines. I think a lot about this kind of stuff. I do my best thinking on the bus. That how come I don't drive, see?

 

Otto: You don't even know how to drive.

 

Miller: I don't want to know how. I don't want to learn. See? The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.

 

In Bud's car driving through a tunnel

 

Bud: You know I think I saw one of those things once. One of those UFOs. I mean it was really it was kind of kind of scary. I saw all these colored lights and, uh, sounds. I mean sounds and lights like I never heard before. I mean it was really weird.

 

Otto: Bud.

 

Bud: Yeah?

 

Otto: Do you think all repo men follow the code?

 

Bud: Of course. Well I mean you see a lot of fucked (messed) up cars come in but...99 time out of 100 it was the customer who fucked (mucked) them up. Assholes (Damn fools).

 

Bud in phone booth outside the Rodriguez brothers' apartment.

 

Bud: I'm offering a thousands dollars for his Falcon. You know what that is Napoleon? It's a bribe.

 

Napoleon: Who the hell is this? Napoleon? Who the fuck (hell) are you calling?

 

Bud: It's a grand if you show me where his car is Napoleon.

 

[Napoleon: Ahh. Go fuck yourself asshole.]

 

Bud: Hello? Prick (Jerk).

 

Inside the Rodriguez brothers' place, Napoleon looking at repo sheet on Malibu, which Marlene brought to them.

 

Napoleon: Sixty-four Chevy Malibu. Twenty grand.

 

Bud (from outside the window): Waiting!

 

Napoleon: We could buy ten of them for that, Marlene.

 

Marlene: Think you can find it now?

 

Bud in the street: I'm not going anywhere.

 

Napoleon: Now how come this junk is worth so much? What's in it? Drugs?

 

Bud in the street: Got all night amigo!

 

Lagarto: Los Hermanos Rodriguez don't approve of drugs.

 

Marlene: Neither do I, but it's my birthday.

 

Bud in the street: I'm going to get your [ass].

 

[Marlene: That motherfucker's still down there.]

 

Bud in the street in front of the Rodriguez brother's house

 

Bud: Don't care how long it takes, dildos (jerks). Repo man's got all night every night.

 

Brothers make paper airplane of repo sheet and float it down to Bud. Bud picks it up and reads it.

 

Bud: [Jesus Christ] twenty thousand dollars.

 

Agent Rogersz listening to Leila and Otto on the phone

 

Leila's answering machine: Hi this is Leila. I'm not here right now. So please leave your name, number and a brief message and a time you called at the beep. And please try to be frank.

 

Otto: Hey Leila! All right, um, this is Otto. The guy who gave you a ride and stuff. I heard something about that car.

 

Leila answering the phone: Otto? Otto?

 

Leila and Otto at the United Fruitcake Outlet

 

Leila takes Otto into a cinderblock room which has a neon sculpture on the wall and in the center of the room, standing on a pedestal, is a humorous statue of what could be a humanoid type alien.

 

Leila: Otto. Otto stop. You said you had something to tell me.

 

Leila: Otto? Otto!

 

Otto: Huh?

 

Leila: What did you want to tell me?

 

Otto: Oh! Take off your clothes.

 

Leila: I'm at work, Otto!

 

Otto: Oh yeah? Me too.

 

Leila: Your work is different than mine.

 

Otto: Says who?

 

Otto takes down his pants (according to the filmmakers, Estevez enjoyed doing this on a regular basis. Maybe they were just joking?).

 

Leila: What are you doing.? Don't do that.

 

[Otto: Well the least you could do is give me a blow job.

 

Leila slaps Otto

 

Otto: Heh, I guess that means no.]

 

Deadra: Leila? We have a cell meeting in two minutes time.

 

Leila: Thanks Deadra. I'll be right there.

 

Bud and Lite parked in their cars side by side

 

Bud: See that motherfucker (melonfarmer) only thinks I don't know what's going on, Lite. As soon as I find that Chevy I'm going indy. I'm going to buy myself a tow truck, a couple of pitbulls, and run a yard. Sit around and watch everybody else do the work for a while (change).

 

Lite lights up a roach.

 

Lite: No way you can do that on twenty grand man.

 

Bud: The hell I can as long as you have good credit and my credit is spotless.

(Bud: The hell I can't, as long as your credit record's good and mine is spotless.)

 

Lite: If I find the Malibu, you won't see me for dust, I'm going to move to Mendecino County, raise me a bumper crop of tomato plants.

 

Bud and Otto in a car

 

Bud: Credit is a sacred trust. It's what our free society is founded on. You think they give a damn about their bills in Russia? I said do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia?

 

Otto: They don't pay bills in Russia. It's all free.

 

Bud: All free? Free my ass, what are you a fucking (flippin) commie? Huh?

 

Otto: No I ain't no commie.

 

Bud: Well you'd better not be I don't want any commies in my car. No Christians either.

 

Chevy Malibu exits car wash and pulls up to gas pumps.

 

That's director Alex Cox wiping the car as it pulls away from the car wash and over to the pumps.

 

The pumps at the gas station say "Pace Gas". Next to the pump is a campaign poster for Harry Pace, running for City Council. These posters appear elsewhere in the film. In his posters, Harry Pace has a happy face.

 

Kevin: I'll deal with you later. I've got a customer to attend to. You too.

 

Kevin walks over to Malibu.

 

Kevin: Hi! I'm Kevin. Vacuum sir?

 

Kevin: Need a vacuum sir?

 

Parnell runs fingers through hair and pulls out a clump.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Have you any machines?

 

Kevin: You don't want to eat from a machine. Look, there's a nice Del Taco across the street. They've got enchurritos and everything.

 

J. Frank Parnell: But I do want to eat from a machine. Vended food contains all the necessary nutrients for survival. Taste damn good too, by golly. And plus, on any given evening, the machine that last night gave you cheetos might dispense instead... Doritos. Yohos. Oreos. Tosquitos (tostitos?). Or Lorna Doones.

 

Kevin: Lorna Doones? I love Lorna Doones.

 

Parnell walks off screen and we hear puking sounds.

 

Kevin: Oh hey! You want me to check the trunk? Scuze me.

 

Lagarto and Napoleon pull up in a car one other side of pumps. Latino music plays on their car radio.

 

Kevin: Hi! I'm Kevin!

 

Napoleon: Hey buddy! How you doing? Huh? Hey don't you remember me? I was here yesterday. Heh. Listen I think I left a book of matches over in your office over there. You want to go and check for me huh?

 

Kevin: Sure thing.

 

Napoleon: Hey thanks a lot buddy.

 

Kevin: Any thing for you babes.

 

Napoleon: All right, you're beautiful. I love you.

 

Kevin: I'll be right back.

 

Lagarto gets in the Malibu and both cars drive off. Kevin returns from inside and sees both cars gone. Two other attendants sit at a table and also look; the attendant on the right is director Alex Cox.

 

Kevin: What??

 

Shot of car driving down freeway, passed by a group of 6 men on 4 motorscooters weaving in and out among themselves (these are "The Untouchables", a soul/mod revival band from LA who will appear as Mrs. Parks children in the next scene).

 

Otto and Mrs. Parks in Mrs. Parks' living room

 

Otto: It's really very simple Mrs. Parks. You don't want me to take your car and I don't want to take your car. Now I said to the boss I said ah Look! I do not want to repossess this lady’s car.

 

Sound of motorscooters pulling up outside of house.

 

Mrs. Parks: Well I've been in the hospital you see.

 

Otto: Yeah, Yes I understand. My job is really on the line over this one. I could lose it right away.

 

Mrs. Parks: I'll see if I can borrow some money from somewhere.

 

Otto: That's terrific. Really terrific.

 

Mrs. Park's son and his fellow band members enter. A particularly huge one sits down next to Otto.

 

Mrs. Parks: Oh how was the rehearsal son?

 

Mrs. Parks' son: It was O.K. Who's this?

 

Mrs. Parks: Oh this is Mr. Otto. He's from the finance company. He's been telling me that he isn't going to take the car this time, even though he could.

 

Otto: Well, uh, gotta get going here.

 

Otto fumbles nervously with his briefcase trying to close it.

 

Mrs. Parks: Did you like the tea?

 

Otto: The tea?

 

Mrs. Parks: Uh huh?

 

Otto: Yeah, it was terrific.

 

Otto: Thank you

 

Mrs. Parks: You're welcome.

 

Otto: Uh excuse me.

 

Otto walks outside and gets in car. From outside we hear Mrs. Parks yelling at her son.

 

Mrs. Parks: I gave you the money last week to pay it and you didn't do it. What did you do with it? I'm so tired of giving you money and you squandering it. I know what you done you all went out dancing some where. That's what you did. Next time I give you some money I want you to put it in the car ya hear. You're working. How come you didn't do it huh? I don't know what's happened to you. (continues softly)

 

Otto starts car and guns engine, but now we clearly see that the rear wheels are up on jacks (that it wasn't up on jacks before has been listed as a goof and even confirmed by Alex Cox, but I think they're wrong. It is hard to tell in the dark, but you can see the base of one of the jacks lit up by a light from the house which goes dark as a band member runs in front of it on the other side of the car, thus confirming that the car actually was up on jacks in all the scenes).

 

Band members run out of house and pull Otto out of car.

 

Otto: Hey it's cool. It's cool. I like music too man, hey

 

Otto gets beat up. One band member hits him twice over the head with a guitar, making an audible "kabong" noise. Supposedly you can hear one member saying "this one's for Keith Moon", but I've never been able to make it out.

 

Miller, Plettschner and Otto in the lot.

 

Miller is chanting and dancing like a native American as he puts a bandage on Otto's head.

 

Plettschner: Some people aren't cut out to be repo men. Why don't you smarten up kid?

 

Otto: Fuck (flip) you Plettschner! OWW! OWW!

 

Plettschner: Don't you say fuck (flip) you to me. Don't you know who I am?

 

Otto: Yeah you're Plettschner.

 

Plettschner: You're fucking (flippin) right I'm Plettschner. Otto Plettschner. Three times decorated in two world wars. I was killing people while you were still swimming around in your father's balls (guts). You little scum bag! I worked five years in a slaughter house and ten years as a prison guard in Attica.

 

Otto: So what?

 

Plettschner: So what? So never say fuck (flip) you to me. Because you haven't earn the rights yet.

 

Lite enters

 

Lite: Hey kid I need a contract driver.

 

Plettschner: See what I mean punk?

 

Otto: Fuck (flip) you!

 

Plettschner: Fuck you! (What!) You little scumbag.

 

Lite: Shut up, Phlettschner.

 

Plettschner: Don't you ever tell me to shut up.

 

Lagarto and Napoleon in the Malibu

 

They pull up in front of a diner.

 

Napoleon: Shit (shoot)! (?)! It's too hot in here man. What the hell's going on? So fucking (flippin) hot I think that shit in the trunk is going to melt. I think we better take a look, all right?

 

Lagarto: Go get us two sodas.

 

Napoleon: All right, as soon as I check the trunk.

 

Lagarto: We're just the mules, comprende? (Andale')...

 

Lagarto calls Marlene from phone booth. A sign in the window of the diner behind him says "2.95 Plate O-Shrimp Luncheon Special".

 

Marlene: Helping hand.

 

Lagarto: Marlene! We've found the car.

 

Archie, Duke, and Debbie exit a window and go down a fire escape [dropping armloads of pills as they go]. Behind them, a sign says "Fox & Mac Taggert Pharmaceutical Company".

 

Duke: Come on you guys!

 

Duke: Get the lead out.

 

Debbi: Stop pushing Duke.

 

[Archie: My medication. Aw man!

 

Duke: Aw be cool dude we got more.

 

Debbie picking up some dropped pills: Aw let me help you Archie dear.]

 

Archie: Come on. Come on. da-dee-dee-dee-dah-dah dee-dee... (continues to the tune of The Ride of the Valkyries)

 

Lagarto on the phone with Marlene

 

Lagarto: Yeah well that's not the only thing Marlene. This car is hot.

 

Marlene: What do you mean? Stolen?

 

Lagarto: No. No I mean it's hot really hot.

 

Marlene: Hot?

 

Lagarto: Yeah, we're sweating like pigs man.

 

Marlene: I got the papers. Where is the car from?

 

Lagarto: It's from someplace. Ah Roswell, New Mexico

 

Archie and Duke run by the Malibu. Debbie stops, whistles and gets in the car. Archie and Duke jump in and they drive off to the sound of a Latino version of The Ride of the Valkyries. Lagarto walks out of the phone booth just as this is happening and drops his clipboard in disgust. Napolean walks out of the store, silently hands Lagarto a soda, and they both stand there and sip their drinks through straws.

 

Otto and Lite in a car

 

The music from Bad Man is playing on the tape deck in Lite's car.

 

Lite: Me fight in a war man? Fuck (hell) no way! Nobody's got to do that shit. Not in this country. A new I.D. don't cost no more than a pink slip. You know what I mean?

 

Lite: Something wrong?

 

Otto: You know Marlene? Man she's pretty hot.

 

Lite: Otto my man. I jumped on that action from day one. I found out where she was coming from.

 

Otto: See ya back at the yard.

 

Lite: Have fun.

 

Otto slimjims car and tries to start it. While bending down, window shatters from gunshot.

 

Otto: Oh shit (damn). Holy shit (smoke). Lite! [Holy shit. Holy fucking shit]. Lite! Lite! Lite! Lite! Open the door. There's a maniac in there. What are you doing? Open the door man! What are you doing? What are you doing? Open the door. Lite!

 

Lite gets out and starts shooting back. He fires 9 times (one or two of the shots doesn't flash like the others).

 

Lite: You're still on the job white boy. Get in the car.

 

Otto: Open the door man, open the [fucking] door. Open the door Lite.

 

Lite: Get in the car.

 

Otto: Jesus Christ. (Holy cripes.)

 

Lite and Otto in a field

 

Otto: You're crazy Lite. I mean you can't just shoot into peoples houses. I mean maybe you shot the guy.

 

Lite: So what if I did?

 

Otto: Well I don't know I mean that's pretty severe.

 

Lite shoots the gun at Otto's feet. Otto drops his beer, getting some on his pants.

 

Otto: Jesus Christ. (Holy cripes!)

 

Lite: Hey! Blanks get the job done too.

 

Otto: You repo men, you guys are all out to fuckin (flippin) lunch. Let's get out of here.

 

Leila and J. Frank Parnell on pay phones

 

Leila on phone hears garbled sounds on receiver.

 

Leila: Hello. Is it you? This is Leila. Are you using a scrambler?

 

J. Frank Parnell: I can't hear you. I'm using the scrambler.

 

Leila: (garbled noises in background) Look out!

 

J. Frank Parnell: What?

 

A car swerves into the phone booth, then crosses street and hits a fire hydrant. The agents are trapped inside by the airbags. More agents appear and chase Leila

 

Agent: Happy face! You want a ride?

 

In Agent Rogersz van

 

An agent types while eating potato chips. The camera pans across the van to Agents Rogersz, who is watching a monitor which shows Leila being questioned

 

Leila: What do you want from me?

 

Agent: We ask the questions.

 

Leila: You're not going to torture me are you?

 

Leila: Torture you? What for?

 

Leila: To find out what I know. I'd torture someone in a second if it was up to me.

 

Agent: Huh? Why are you looking for the Malibu?

 

Leila: Because of the trunk. The aliens inside.

 

Agent: Illegal aliens?

 

Leila: No, Silly, Extraterrestrials.

 

Agent: Ahhh, heh. Did you ever think about joining the CIA?

 

Leila: Um. I going to have to ask my boyfriend.

 

Agent: Boyfriend??

 

Rogersz computer screen prints up the following information

subject: Otto Maddox

gender: male

race: Caucasian

age: 21

correction: 18

 

A party at the Helping Hand yard

 

Everybody: Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Jingle all the way. Oh what fun

 

Otto: What's going on?

 

Marlene: Oh. The usual.

 

Plettschner: Marlene! How you doing baby?

 

Oly: Jesus (Golly) who done that to yeah son?

 

Otto: Who done what?

 

Plettschner: Who done what he says. You want to talk about guts. What did you do to your face kid?

 

Otto: Oh some dude it doesn't matter.

 

Lite: Oh yes it does.

 

Marlene: Why don't you do something Plettschner? Aren't you a cop or something?

 

Plettschner: Hey Marlene. I'm on my coffee break.

 

Bud: Repo man don't go running to the man Marlene. A repo man goes at it alone.

 

Lite: Yes sirree bob.

 

Marlene: Just like John Wayne.

 

Oly: Damn right just like John Wayne what's wrong about that?

 

Plettschner: Greatest American that ever lived.

 

Miller: John Wayne was a fag (freak).

 

Bud: What did you say man?

 

Plettschner: Whaa?

 

Oly: What?

 

[Miller: John Wayne was a fag.]

 

Everyone: The hell he was.

 

Miller: He was too you boys. I installed two way mirrors in his pad in Brentwood. And he'd come to the door in a dress.

 

Plettschner: Ah, you're fucking (flippin) nuts.

 

Oly: That doesn't mean he was a homo (freak), Miller. Lotta straight guys like to watch their buddies fuck (play). I know I do.

 

Bud: They do?

 

Plettschner: Yeah.

 

Oly: Don't you?

 

Plettschner: Damn straight I do.

 

Lite: Fuck (Damn) John Wayne man. Tell us his name you little pussy (sissy).

 

Otto: Kiss off you asshole (airhead).

 

Otto: Ow you bastards (loonies)!

 

Bud: Hey take it easy. Take it easy. The guys head is hurt.

 

Oly: This is too personal sonny. The thing is a repo man got beat up in the line of duty. Now it doesn't matter that that man was you. What really matters is that the guy that did it has got to pay the price. Now stop being selfish and tell us his name.

 

Lite: Come on.

 

Otto: Ahh Oww You bastard (buzzard).

 

Otto: All right! All right! All right! All right! O.K. his name was...

 

The repo men in the front of Mr. Humphries's house

 

They ring the bell and Mr. Humphries opens the door. In the background, we can just barely see Kevin, who appears to be in his pajamas. This is never explained in the movie.

 

Oly: Mr. Humphries?

 

Mr. Humphries: Yes? Yes I'm Mr. Humphries. What do you want? Ungghhh...

 

Repo Men beat up Mr. Humphries.

 

At the Helping Hand Acceptance Corporation office

 

T.V.: The president admitted that U.S. war planes have napalmed refugees camps in Southern Mexico. He explained that these camps were in fact guerrilla bases. In strife torn Guatemala shots were fires at the U.S. embassy and government troops retaliated killing 50... (continues in background)

 

Marlene: Helping hand acceptance corporation. Marlene speaking.

 

Leila: Hello, is Otto there?

 

Marlene: It's for you. A girl.

 

Otto (on phone): Yeah.

 

Leila: Hi Otto? It's Leila.

 

Otto: Leila who?

 

In a bar.

 

Duke, Archie, and Debbie enter the bar, checking their weapons at the door. The Circle Jerks are on stage playing When the Shit Hits the Fan.

 

Otto: I can't believe I used to like these guys.

 

Agent Rogersz: Listen to me! For the sake of this and future generations you must tell us everything you know.

 

Otto: Yeah. Sure. I need another drink.

 

Leila: Otto, these aliens aren't on ice or anything. They could be starting to decay. We've got to find them before they turn into mush.

 

Duke: Well! Well! Well! If it ain't the repo man.

 

Archie: You look like shit (snot) you wankers (weirdos).

 

Otto: Duke. Debbi. Archie. I'd like you to meet Leila and her weird friend.

 

Duke: How you doing, asshole (airhead)?

 

Archie: How come you don't hang out with your friends no more?

 

[Otto: What friends?

 

Duke: Want some toot dude?

 

Duke spills his bottle of generic Butyl Nitrate on the table. Debbie and Archie yell and put their noses to the table to sniff it all up.

 

Duke: I really love ya man. You're my best friend. Because you always fucking came to see me while I was in Juvie.

 

Otto: I'm busy man. I told ya I was working.

 

Debbi: Look a metal hand.

 

Archie: Cool!

 

Debbi: Can we feel it?

 

Archie: Oh Chante.]

 

Duke: Fuck (flip) this let's go do some crimes.

 

[Archie: Adios butthole.]

 

Leila: Charming friends you got there Otto.

 

Otto: Thanks, I made'um myself.

 

Debbi, Archie and Duke leave to find J. Frank Parnell breaking into the Malibu

 

Debbi: Hey what [the fuck are] you doing with our car?

 

J. Frank Parnell: Your car?

 

Archie: Yeah!

 

J. Frank Parnell: Are you sure? This looks like my car. Are there pecan pies in the back seat?

 

Archie: Not any more. We ate 'em.

 

Duke: Shut up Archie.

 

Archie: You shut up.

 

Duke: You're still here?

 

J. Frank Parnell: My car looks just like this. But this is yours, your car?

 

Archie: Yeah four eyes.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Of course...what's in the trunk?

 

Duke: What do you mean?

 

J. Frank Parnell: You don't even know what's in your own trunk.

 

Debbi: Kill him Duke!

 

J. Frank Parnell: You know what? I think you're afraid to find out.

 

Debbi: Kill him.

 

Archie: Come on Duke you putty butt, kill him.

 

Duke (sounding like he's doing a bad Jimmy Cagney imitation): I aint afraid of nothing see.

 

J. Frank Parnell: It's all right I don't blame you for being afraid.

 

Duke: I said I ain't afraid of nothing. I kill people like you.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Oh well. I guess you're right. It's better not to look.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Beautiful evening. You can almost see the stars.

 

Archie: Oh shut up. Duh. He's going to open it. HAHAHA

 

Duke: Ah.

 

Archie: Come on Duke.

 

Duke burns his hand on the trunk and wraps a handkerchief around it.

 

Duke: This thing is hot.

 

Archie: AWWW, heh heh heh

 

Debbie: Well we don't have all night.

 

Duke opens the trunk a little and a bright light is emitted. Debbi pushes him away.

 

Debbi: Close it Duke! No! No!

 

Archie (jumping down off the roof of the car): Aw. Dukie Wookie hurt his wittle hand.

 

Duke: Fuck (flip) you Archie! Just for that your not in the gang any more.

 

Archie: I'm taking over now.

 

Debbi: Oh leave it off.

 

Archie: King Archie the invincible.

 

Debbie: Shut up Archie.

 

Archie: Hey Debbi! Watch this.

 

Archie opens the trunk and is disintegrated

 

J. Frank Parnell: Oh dear, what a shame.

 

Debbie: Come on duke let's go do those crimes.

 

Duke: Yeah. Yeah. Let's go get Sushi and, and not pay.

 

Napoleon and Lagarto in a car pull up along side of J. Frank Parnell driving the Malibu

 

Napoleon: Hey! Yo! Hey buddy!

 

Napoleon: Special deputies pull over. Special deputies pull over. Hey!

 

The Helping Hand repo men in a car

 

[Oly: So the department says the ice broke and he fell in.

 

Bud: Look at these people man there's one person in each car. City wants up to car pool but nobody gives a shit.

 

Miller: People car pool, we'd be out of work.

 

Lite: AWW bullshit!

 

Oly: How come that pig's got a wooden leg? Well said the farmer said about three months ago I was out there walking the pig.

 

Miller: Look at that car.]

 

Lite: Hey Budsky. There's your Girlfriend.

 

Bud: Aww! Those Rodriguez brothers Humm? O.K., boys, we've got the whole team here tonight lets settle these motherfucker's (melonfarmers) hash for good.

 

Lite: Let's do it.

 

[Napoleon: Yo! Pull over.

 

Lagarto: Meda Bud. Shit!]

 

Napoleon: Don't lose him man.

 

Bud rams into the Rodriguez brothers' car while the Malibu drives off with a noticable green glow coming from inside.

 

Plettschner: Hey! Hey! Take it easy. Stop this [fucking] car. Hey come on. Come on.

 

The Rodriguez brothers are forced into a parking garage and eventually have to stop the car

 

Napoleon: [shit motherfucker! Come on! Come on motherfucker! Yeah. Come on I kick you fucking ass.] Come on! Come on! What are you going to do with that bat? What? Huh? What?

 

Lagarto: Hey! Hey! Hey!

 

Lagarto: You bad bud. This is going to cost you plenty.

 

Bud: What do you mean its going to cost me plenty?

 

Lagarto: How's your neck Napoleon?

 

Napoleon: Oh my neck? Yeah! Oh! [shit! Oh shit] my neck is killing me man. I think I got whiplash.

 

Lagarto: Aside from whiplash, this isn't a repo car.

 

[bud: Bullshit! I got the fucking papers on it.]

 

Lagarto: We paid it off. You see, uh this is our favorite car.

 

Napoleon: Yeah that's right. You got insurance [motherfucker]?

 

Bud goes after them with a bat but the rest hold him back.

 

Bud: Come on [cock sucker]. Whose side are you on [for Christ's sake]? Let me go [goddamn it].

 

Back at the Helping Hand office .

 

Plettschner is sitting in a corner knitting. A television set on Oly's desk is playing the video "Elephant Parts" with Mike Nesmith. ov

 

Bud: [shit!] This is bullshit (hokum) Oly.

 

Oly: Yeah Yeah that's what I said when the marshal woke me up at 4 o'clock this morning . Unfortunately it isn't bullshit (hokum), it's a summons.

 

Bud: [Well bullshit.] You should have refused to accept it.

 

Oly: Have you read it? The goddamn (gol-durn) Rodriguez brothers are suing us for malicious damage, medical expenses and harassment for a car they fucking (flippin) own.

 

Bud: The Rodriguez brothers. But. Ha! You believe the fucking (flippin) Rodriguez brothers? They're a couple of scumbags Oly. You know that?

 

Oly: I know that bud. But we've got to sit down and get our stories straight.

 

Bud: Bullshit (Hogwash) you're taking their word against mine.

 

Oly: I was there remember? Why don't you go home? Take the rest of the week off.

 

Bud: Take the rest of the? I can't take the [fucking] rest of the...OW yeah! I Un Huh I get it. Take the flippin rest of the week off budsky. So you can get the flippin twenty thousand dollars for the Malibu.

 

Oly: Make it a fucking (flippin) month.

 

Bud: Yeah? Well fuck (flip) you.

 

Oly: On second though Budsky. Don't bother coming back at all.

 

Bud: Great! I'll come back and pick up my stuff later when the fucking (flippin) place don't stink so bad.

 

Plettschner: Ha! Ha! Ha!

 

Oly: Shut up!

 

Bud and Otto in Bud's car

 

Otto is driving the car.

 

Bud: [Fucking trash]. Makes you wonder how much they owe. Most of them are on the run. Don't even use their fucking (flippin) social security numbers. If there was just some way to find out how much the motherfuckers (melonfarmers) owe and making them pay.

 

Otto: Jesus Christ (Holy cow) bud. They're winos, they don't have any money. You think they'd be bums if they did?

 

Bud: You want out? Do ya?

 

Otto: No!

 

Bud: What's a matter with you? Don't you like your job anymore? Not too happy in your job? I mean I feel like were not communicating any more. When we first started out I though I could teach you something share something with you for Christ's sake. Answer me!

 

Otto gets out and walks down street. Passes agents picking up dead body.

 

Agent: (heard in background) I'm picking up the dead. I'm putting my hands around this dead body. I'm, I'm carrying his limp torso to the truck. And he feels like like he has only been dead a little while but...

 

Otto sees the Malibu and gives chase. Losing the car, he stops on a bridge to puke. When done, he sees the Malibu emerge from under the bridge. He runs down the stairs and after the Malibu as it goes through a railroad crossing which has red lights blinking and bell ringing. J. Frank Parnell stops and lets him in.

 

J. Frank Parnell: [Oh dome de.] (holds out hand) J. Frank Parnell.

 

Otto (out of breath): ott, ott...

 

J. Frank Parnell: What line of work you in?

 

Otto (still out of breath): re, re, re..

 

J. Frank Parnell: Rock'n'roller, eh!? I used to be a musician myself, college days. Of course it was folk songs and protest songs back then. (begins singing, badly) We shall overcome, we shall overcome...

 

Otto coughs.

 

J. Frank Parnell: (stops singing and scratches ear) Did you ever feel as if your mind had started to erode?

 

Otto: No.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Ever been to Utah?

 

Otto: Nuh-uh

 

J. Frank Parnell: I go to Utah every year. Friend of mine, was a designer of the MX missile race track basing mode. A hundred thousand miles of railroad track on a big loop through Utah, Arizona, and Nevada. Bombs were going to hide in locomotive sheds. That way the red team would never know exactly where they were. I still go out to Utah, just to think about the way things might have been.

 

Otto: Sir. I represent the Helping Hand Acceptance Corporation.

 

J. Frank Parnell: Radiation, yes indeed! You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-boxed do-gooders telling everybody it’s bad for you. Pernicious nonsense! Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have 'em too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was literally a-burst. The next day nothing. Swept away... But I showed them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

 

Otto: Lobotomy? Isn't that for loonies?

 

J. Frank Parnell: Not at all. A friend of mine had one. Designer of the neutron bomb. Ever hear of the neutron bomb? Destroys people. Leaves buildings standing. It fits in a suit case. It's so small no one knows it's there until blammo. Eyes melt skin explodes everybody dead. It's so immoral working on the thing can drive you mad. That's what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy. Now he's well again.

 

Otto: What kind of car does your... does your friend drive?

 

J. Frank Parnell: Chevy Malibu.

 

Otto: And you do the same type of work?

 

J. Frank Parnell: Didn't I tell you? I can't tell you what I do. I'm classified.

 

Otto: This is really a nice old car. Why don't you let me drive?

 

J. Frank Parnell: What do you mean?

 

Otto: Well I don't know. I mean...uh! Don't you feel funny.?

 

J. Frank Parnell: Why should I feel funny? The two hemispheres are fundamentally at odds. Hemisphere, Hemisphere. You know it's strange. I do feel funny...

 

J. Frank Parnell passes out at the wheel and drives into the sign at another railroad crossing. Otto dumps him and drives off with the Malibu.

 

Otto parks Malibu at the lot and locks it up. He sees a note posted on the gate: "Big Party at Millers. CU There."

 

The helping hand crew at Miller's with their wives

 

Oly: By the way kid, sign this.

 

Otto: What is this?

 

Oly: Equity turnover. Standard practice. Protects you in case we get sued. . . Don't read the damn thing, kid, just sign it.

 

Miller has a camera and the flash goes off as he accidentally takes a picture of himself.

 

Repo wife 1: Here's the young new-waver we've all heard so much about.

 

Repo Wife 2: My old man had a mohawk on him when I met him. He was in the service then.

 

Oly: He signed it over to me. But he didn’t realize-

 

Repo wife 2: My old man was such a monster. I used to have to tell him no.

 

Repo wife 1: My old man was exactly the same way until we got married.

 

Lite: Hey Oly. You're wife's hanging all over Otto.

 

Oly: Yeah. Like flies on shit (spit).

 

Otto: Um. Have you see uh bud anywhere?

 

Repo wife 1: Who?

 

Bud and Otto in office

 

TV: ...another wonderful Christian opportunity. The Reverend Larry...

 

Bud: Hey there hero. Get the money yet?

 

Otto: Not yet. Oly's going to get it for me though. I just signed the papers.

 

Bud: Whu, what do you mean, what papers?

 

Otto: Beats me, just some, uh, contract or something.

 

Bud: Didn't you read it?

 

Otto: Well, no, just, uh, standard practice, uh, contract...

 

Bud: Melonfarmer Oly! ...oooh, shoot.

 

Otto: What, is that not a happening deal?

 

Bud breaks into the lot. Later, he picks up Otto

 

Bud: Hey ace. Wait up.

 

Otto: So you want to talk about it?

 

Bud: Talk about what kid?

 

Otto: Why you're so damn mad at me?

 

Bud: I'm not mad at you. [God] damn. I'm not. I'm not mad at you.

 

Otto: All right O.K.

 

Duke and Debbie in car in front of a liquor store

 

[Duke: Debbie?

 

Debbie: What?

 

Duke: I've been thinking. Now that we've got some money and Archie's gone, don't you think it's time we we settle down? Get a little house. I want you to have my baby.

 

Debbie: Why?

 

Duke: Well I don't know. Every body does it. And it just seems like the thing to do and...

 

Debbi: Asshole.]

 

Duke: Let's go do the job.

 

Bud and Otto are at the counter. Duke and Debbi enter waving guns.

 

Otto: Duke! Debbie! What what are you guys doing here?

 

Duke: What's it look like ace?

 

Debbie: Up against the wall.

 

Duke: I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill everybody. ha-ha-ha

 

Bud sneaks his gun out. Louie sees him from down an aisle.

 

Louie (to Bud): Drop it motherfucker (melonfarmer).

 

Louie now sees the others with the guns. Bud waves his back and forth. Debbi shoots Bud in the head.

 

Bud (grasping his head): Oww shit (shoot).

 

Duke shoots Louie. Louie goes down but manages to shoot Duke, but then is out of bullets. Duke walks over to Louie to finish the job, but the counterman pulls out a shotgun and shoots Duke. Debbie shoots the counterman. Now only Debbie and Otto are left standing.

 

Otto: Debbie Ah. Ah Do You, uh, do you think it's too late uh for us to get romantically involved?

 

Debbie: I think a little.

 

Otto: Wait! Wait! Stick with me. I'll make you a repo wife.

 

Debbi: Bollocks. Here. (tosses Otto a bag of popcorn)

 

Duke (laying face down on floor): Otto?

 

Otto: Yeah I'm here man.

 

Duke: The lights are growing dim. I know a life of crime led me to this sorry fate. And yet I I blame society. Society made me what I am.

 

Otto: That's bullshit (nonsense). You're a white suburban punk, just like me.

 

Duke: But it still hurts.

 

Otto: You're going to be all right man

 

Duke pukes up some blood.

 

Otto: Maybe not.

 

Agents photographing a dead J. Frank Parnell

 

One of these agents is Jimmy Buffet, who was worki

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