archenemy Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Okay. So I'm sitting around, being bored and hungry. I decided to order a pizza. I order the pizza, wait the 45 minutes and finally the pizza arrrives! (halleluja plays in the background) I sign for the pizza and it's all mine. I take the box. Oh, the glorious smell of Papa John's. I open the box. Hmm. Somethings missing from my pizza. The sausage? No. The tomatoes perhaps? Nope. Maybe...the cheese? What, are you silly? No. No. No. Not sausage or tomatoes or cheese. You know what's missing from my pizza? A WHOLE FUCKING SLICE!!! And I know you're thinking "You've gotta be shitting me", but no. I'm not kidding. A whole god-dammed slice was missing from my pizza. And just in case you don't believe me, here's a re-creation of what I opened my pizza box to find... So, I do what any red-blood American would do after discovering that their dilectable pseudo-italian concoction had be tampered with: I call the manager of Papa John's. Pizza Girl #1: Thank you for calling Papa John's. Just to let you know we have a special. Two large pizzas.... Me: I'm calling to complain. Pizza Girl: Oh? What seems to be the problem. Me: Well, my pizza got here and there's a slice missing. Pizza Girl: Are you serious? Me: As a heart-attack. There's a whole slice...gone. Pizza Girl starts telling the manager about my situation. Pizza Girl: She says there's a slice missing from here pizza. Manager: What? Are you serious. Pizza Girl: She says she's serious. The manager starts laughing hysterically. Manager: Hello, ma'am? Me: Hi. Manager: So, there's a slice *giggle* missing from your pizza? *laughter* Me: Yes. I got the pizza, opened the box and there was a slice gone. Manager: Well, how many slices does your pizza have? Me: *pauses* You've gotta be fucking kidding me...SEVEN! There are seven slices on an EIGHT slice pizza. I am NOT RETARDED. Okay. I didn't say that, but I sure as hell thought it. Me: There are 7 slices. Manager: Oh. Well, umm, I don't...this has never happened before. So, it got there like that? Me: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY...No. I ate the fucking slice of pizza and was like "oh, wtf. my slice of pizza is gone" Does she think I'm stoned? I don't sound stoned!!! Yes. It got here like that. Manager: Do you want us to send you another pizza? Now, this is where it gets tricky. What am I to do? At this point, I'm famished. I need something to eat. Should I wait another 45 minutes for another pizza? Fuck no. Me: Well, I'm sorta hungry now. Manager: Well, how about I leave this credit on your account for a free pizza for your next order? Me: Will it have all eight slices? Manager: *laughs* Yes, it will have all eight. Me: Okay. Thanks. *CLICK* Alright. So, the mystery of the mising slice goes unsolved, but I got a free pizza out of the deal. I'm still wondering WTF happened to the 8th slice on this one. Did some mysterious creature intercept my pizza in-transit, eat a slice, and then put it back in it's box? Did the delivery person eat my slice? The chef? Who? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rob Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I had a friend who used to be a pizza delivery driver. He used to cop slices out of pies all the time. Sometimes, he'd even crack open the customer's two-litre to wash it down. He delivered pizzas for at least a year, he never seemed to get caught. Maybe most people don't call in to complain? Maybe they think the wife snagged a piece first? Who knows. Before his gig as a delivery guy, he used to work at DQ, where he swears that the teenagers there steal whippets and piss in the pickle buckets. I don't eat out much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 sounds like the script for an entire "curb your enthusiasm" episode Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherri Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Umm, did your delivery guy happen to look like this? If so, I'd consider him a suspect and investigate the matter further. "Hey delivery dude, how come your eyes smell like pepperoni?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherri Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 And while I'm at it, "why do your wrists smell like feet??" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolyn Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I heard the jerky boys voices going back and forth in that dialogue! That is really a funny story...I mean sad! Hope you filled yer tummy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mtn_mouse Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Your pizza has been SNAFFLED! The inevitable truth is that you live with an alpine rodent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mtn_mouse Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Besides, prolly a good thing the slice was taken, cause your picture of teh "pizza" looks more like a petri dish with "positive" e-coli results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foraker Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 you should be glad someone spared you eating that filth. PJ's pizza blows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevbone Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I agree PJ sucks.....the delivery driver ate it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Flush_Amazing Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hey Archie, Did you visit Austin, TX recently? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-spotter Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Maybe a PIZZA PIRATE stole yer booty harrrrrr arrrrr arr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enelson Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 damn this is funny, i miss this. i left my job which was perfect for cc.com to come to africa, where i currently owe about 3 dollars for slow ass internet. damn i want a pizza, even with 7 slices better than goat bbq. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hey Archie, Did you visit Austin, TX recently? My brother lives there. But entertainment is more important than these details, wouldn't you agree? Let a little fun in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Okay. So I'm sitting around, being bored and hungry. I decided to order a pizza. I order the pizza, wait the 45 minutes and finally the pizza arrrives! (halleluja plays in the background) I sign for the pizza and it's all mine. I take the box. Oh, the glorious smell of Papa John's. I open the box. Hmm. Somethings missing from my pizza. The sausage? No. The tomatoes perhaps? Nope. Maybe...the cheese? What, are you silly? No. No. No. Not sausage or tomatoes or cheese. You know what's missing from my pizza? A WHOLE FUCKING SLICE!!! And I know you're thinking "You've gotta be shitting me", but no. I'm not kidding. A whole god-dammed slice was missing from my pizza. And just in case you don't believe me, here's a re-creation of what I opened my pizza box to find... So, I do what any red-blood American would do after discovering that their dilectable pseudo-italian concoction had be tampered with: I call the manager of Papa John's. Pizza Girl #1: Thank you for calling Papa John's. Just to let you know we have a special. Two large pizzas.... Me: I'm calling to complain. Pizza Girl: Oh? What seems to be the problem. Me: Well, my pizza got here and there's a slice missing. Pizza Girl: Are you serious? Me: As a heart-attack. There's a whole slice...gone. Pizza Girl starts telling the manager about my situation. Pizza Girl: She says there's a slice missing from here pizza. Manager: What? Are you serious. Pizza Girl: She says she's serious. The manager starts laughing hysterically. Manager: Hello, ma'am? Me: Hi. Manager: So, there's a slice *giggle* missing from your pizza? *laughter* Me: Yes. I got the pizza, opened the box and there was a slice gone. Manager: Well, how many slices does your pizza have? Me: *pauses* You've gotta be fucking kidding me...SEVEN! There are seven slices on an EIGHT slice pizza. I am NOT RETARDED. Okay. I didn't say that, but I sure as hell thought it. Me: There are 7 slices. Manager: Oh. Well, umm, I don't...this has never happened before. So, it got there like that? Me: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY...No. I ate the fucking slice of pizza and was like "oh, wtf. my slice of pizza is gone" Does she think I'm stoned? I don't sound stoned!!! Yes. It got here like that. Manager: Do you want us to send you another pizza? Now, this is where it gets tricky. What am I to do? At this point, I'm famished. I need something to eat. Should I wait another 45 minutes for another pizza? Fuck no. Me: Well, I'm sorta hungry now. Manager: Well, how about I leave this credit on your account for a free pizza for your next order? Me: Will it have all eight slices? Manager: *laughs* Yes, it will have all eight. Me: Okay. Thanks. *CLICK* Alright. So, the mystery of the mising slice goes unsolved, but I got a free pizza out of the deal. I'm still wondering WTF happened to the 8th slice on this one. Did some mysterious creature intercept my pizza in-transit, eat a slice, and then put it back in it's box? Did the delivery person eat my slice? The chef? Who? someone just thought they were doing you a favor and that maybe you needed to drop a few pounds and that 7 pieces was plenty enuff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 score Round 1 RUMR 1 ARCHIE 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 You are indeed the round one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minx Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 i believe that ties up the match. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 You are indeed the round one. apparently the person who took your slice thought you were on the round size as well... never mess with archie and her food! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 surprise contender rOly comes in with a sweeping crushing blow and effectively ends the match... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 contest goes to the dogs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindy66 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Do you have a local Pizza Hut there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuMR Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 job transfer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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