Top Ten Reasons to Retro-bolt Outer Space

[pope]

1. Such action would tend to increase the number of girls in the mountains!

2. Bolts would increase traffic, and I heard the route's getting dirty.

3. It's trendy: just look at Castle Rock.

4. That 300-foot exit crack is difficult to protect.

5. With only quick-draws for a rack, the Mountaineers couldn't drop a #12 hex on your head.

6. With only quick-draws for a rack, "low-rent" climbers could afford to safely protect it and still have enough entitlement money left to purchase frozen dinners, pampers and cigarettes.

7. Shiny bolts would tend to reduce the route-finding difficulties.

8. It just isn't safe.... didn't somebody get hurt on it once?

9. Such action would increase the number of females in the mountains.

10. Did I mention more girls?

[This message has been edited by jkassidy (edited 05-28-2001).]

[mikeadam]

Speaking of girls is Rock and Ice magazine on some kind of marketing trip where they feature rock porn in every magazine? I mean the last issue featured Da Kind (Rachel Babkirk) that I know had every dude drooling. Then they act all indignant when someone writes in wanting the beta on her.

This month they feature Goofy Donaspews wife "Patience" leading 5 hard on a multi page spread that seemed dedicated to her only.

Now I haven't read alot of climbing mags in the past few years (The Bobby Bensman thing perhaps left me cold), but now all the sudden I can't seem to get enough Rock and Porn...err Ice magazine.

What gives?

Oh and Outer Space....ummmmm.....no bolts please.

[pope]

Mike,

I opened up Rock & Ice and my jaw dropped...for a moment, I thought Donna had sold out and picked up a sponsor. Listen, Mike: this girl they're calling "Patience", she could easily be Donna's twin sister, although Donna never talks about her family so I'm not sure she even has a sister. Donna was the kind of girl who, back when we had a thing, I'd send her into the bar, then tell her I'd left my wallet in the car. I'd come into the bar three minutes later and find that three or four guys had already purchased her drinks...which saved mucho on my bar tab.

[Drederek]

Top ten reasons sportclimbers should stay away from Outer space:

10. Can't hear car stereo from crag.

9. Walking so far makes your leg muscles heavy.

8. Third-class descents.

7. No bathrooms.

6. Ticks.

5. Its tough to tie off chickenheads with quickdraws.

4. If its not overhanging its just another slab.

3. Like, whats with the helmets, Dude?

2. Fourthclass scrambling.

And the number one reason for sportclimbers not to do Outer Space: They might like it!

[Lambone]

The best reason:

Just to piss Dwayner off alittle more!

[Dwayner]

Pope! Dredereck! Excellent commentary on the bolt pimps and sport "climbers"! I saw what happened to Dan's Direct on Castle Rock so I suppose Snow Creek wall is next. Imabone: step inside for a second....remember what I said about your pie-hole?

Rock on!

- Dwayner

[mikeadam]

Pope,

The legend of Donna Top Step grows with every posting Maybe someday I'll sorta kinda even maybe train to get buff and honed to be worthy of her comradery on a climb. Would she look down on me if I stick clipped my way up the new Dan's Dreadful Direct?

Drederek-GOOD HUMOR!!

Mike

 

[Lambone]

Dwayner,

Dude give me the beta on your lingo bro! What the hell is a pie-hole?

Eh, who cares -I'm over it. Go solo outerspace or somethin before that guy Aaron takes his drill up there, and have fun.

It's been real.

[ScottP]

On a related topic, how many people can recall the chicken bolts on the 5th pitch (I remember seeing two)? (I imagine they were placed due to a lack of sufficient numbers of wide pins on the FA)

[Dwayner]

Iambone:

Come here! Step over here for a second....

For your cultural education, young feller, one's pie-hole is where one put's one's pie, i.e. one's mouth. Another variation is "cake-hole". It's been around for some time. It sounds like one of those tough-guy expressions from the 1940's aimed at loud fat women, e.g. "Shut your pie-hole!"

Seen the old "chicken bolts" up on Outer Space. There's a few up on Classic Crack in Icicle Canyon as well. I think ScottP could be right about the lack of big pins although it wouldn't necessarily have been on the first ascent. Some of those early boys were bolder than most of us and used wooden blocks and such. I always thought the ones on Classic Crack were because most people weren't jamming cracks back then, but were laybacking them (if they didn't want to use aid).

Go forth and do bold things.

- Dwayner

[Cpt.Caveman]

Top ten reasons sportclimbers should stay away from Outer space:

10. Chris Sharma never did it.

9. No Dynamic Moves.

8. Where would they belay from without chains?

7. Stretch Lycra is not necessary for the route.

6. Mtn Goats are scary and mean looking.

5. The infamous TrundleMan aka Cpt Caveman is lurking above to toss the giant tree at the top of the route down on them

4. There are no bolts to step on.

3. You get dirty on the descent.

2. You would need a really long rope to work the moves on toprope.

1. Even if you had that much rope you would get too much rope drag.

[This message has been edited by Cpt.Caveman (edited 05-29-2001).]

[Dru]

Hey Cpt. Caveman, you forgot the reason: "You will acquire more ticks than just the tick in your guidebook!"

[Cpt.Caveman]

You are right. Viktor, maybe you should use shots of ticks instead of stars for the good routes??

[Dru]

Actually, Viktor should use all sorts of little icons in his guidebook like the Rockfax guides or Squamish Select does. So Outer Space could have "Outer Space 5.9" then 5 stars, no skulls, two ticks (spring), one helmet, one headlamp, one goat, and five slow-climber symbols. Canary would read "Canary 5.8" then 3 stars, no skulls, one tick, no headlamps, no goats, four wasps, two slow climbers and three ghosts (for spooky moves). etc

[This message has been edited by Dru (edited 05-29-2001).]

[Lambone]

I like that. It would add to the silliness of the washington guide books.

But you better run it past the president of the trad klan comision.

On Second thought, what washington guide books??? There all out of print.

[erik]

bone, why you so cranky this morning? did pusher not send you the new s7 dyno pants in on-site pink with lacy frillies? i know your pain. my girlfriend's order is back-ordered as well. oh the drama.

[Lambone]

S7 wants 75.95 for cotton pants. I got mine straight from the sweatshop child's hands for only 4.95 in Thailand! I wish I had bought my girls engagement ring there.

You sure do know alot about the latest fasion trends. I know you've been drooling over those catologs! Time to retire old tighties huh.

[This message has been edited by lambone (edited 06-02-2001).]

[Dru]

Hey: Remember when Lambone was I-am-Bone and Dwayner was funny? Only 3 years or so ago!

[olyclimber]

This reminds me...

 

[Lambone]

that shit ain't retro bolted yet? damn I thought that Infinate Bliss guy would be all over that...

[MervGriffin]

Hey: Remember when Lambone was I-am-Bone and Dwayner was funny? Only 3 years or so ago!

 

Remember when you were funny? I don't.

[Szyjakowski]

and what about that erik guy...what happened to him? he was so wise and nice and liked to bake cookies and drink beer with his amigos.

is he still climbing even?

[Dru]

Hey: Remember when Lambone was I-am-Bone and Dwayner was funny? Only 3 years or so ago!

 

Remember when you were funny? I don't.

 

Alzheimer's, huh Merv

[Skeezix]

The exit cracks aren't hard to protect!?

[MtnHigh]

and what about that erik guy...what happened to him? he was so wise and nice and liked to bake cookies and drink beer with his amigos.

is he still climbing even?

 

Eric has shed the entrapments of the big city and on-line spray for a more soulful existence. You'll find him flipping pancakes and eggs at a Hood River greasy spoon and hanging with a hot little blonde.