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TR: MICROSOFT BLOWS!! LET’S BITCH ABOUT THEM!!


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My 'puter's been awful sluggish lately, so I decided to reformat my hard drive to clean all the porn off it... er, I mean, clean all the crap off it blush.gif

 

I had one super simple question about reinstalling Windows XP, but I've screwed up doing this before, so I decided to call Microsoft Support to check. I spend the next half hour in a mix of being put on hold and reciting the spelling of my name, my address, my zip code, the city I live in, my email address, the specifics of which product I have, the license key... TWICE, two separate fucking times!! My expectations of customer service were pretty low anyway, but ya know, they pretty much met them. I was polite, they were polite, I’m just annoyed it took half an hour to ask a simple question that any other tech support organization would be able to resolve in all of five minutes. Enough bitching about that, that’s the least of it.

 

Okay, so now I’m armed with what I need and I begin the process of reinstalling the XP operating system, Norton and Office XP. Everything’s going smoothly enough. I hop online and download the latest virus definitions, then proceed to check for Microsoft updates. I shit you not, I spend the next four hours downloading Microsoft critical updates, rebooting my machine, re-running Windows Update, downloading additional software updates, rebooting my machine, re-running Windows Update… get the picture? What is it with Microsoft’s buggy software that they need to issue and re-issue more and more patches for shit that’s got more holes than Swiss cheese?

 

I started reformatting my hard drive today about lunchtime. That took something less than an hour. The tech support call was 32 mins on my cell phone, the reinstalling process and updates took another four hours. Repopulating Outlook and my documents took all of twenty minutes. I shot a whole sunny day pushing the restart button. I'm so pissed, I need a drink!

 

Well, at least I know how to do this next time. Here's to Microsoft, fuckers moon.gif

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If Microsoft Built Cars...

 

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (i.e. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to by an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

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"Windows OS: The triumph of mediocrity."

-tivoli mike

 

If Microsoft Built Cars...

 

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (i.e. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to by an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

 

21. To turn the car off you would have to push a START button.

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I just bought my wife the brand new dual processor/Intel™ 20" screen 1gb mem Mac™ , tell the truth, it's been here @ 2weeks now, and I wouldn't trade it for the 5 year old Dell running Win2000 I'm typing on.

 

Course, Microsoft™ (Code name monopolist™ pricegouger™ ) still sucks.

 

Perhaps familarity does breed contempt™ (code name Vista™ ) ?

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