JayB Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 While travelling through Costa Rica and gazing at some of my brethren from the Northern Hemisphere, I was overcome by a sudden inspiration for a new way in which to pass the time whilst traversing any given country in the developing world. Much like the time when Layton passed the umpteenth mounty in shorts-over-poly and was overtaken by a sudden epiphany...."Hey wait a second - how about shorts that come with zippable polypro legs, straight from the factory....," I was about to doze off while waiting for a bus when a gaggle of my tan-and-sage-supplex clad compatriots ambled past. Then it hit me - the perfect way to enliven the interminable waits and delays that accompany routine travel south of the border. Gringo Bingo. Then, just as quickly, the vision faded and I was left with a dim vision of some critical elements of the game - but I was left without a clear vision for the final product. The game will involve a competitive scoring system of some sort, and involve spotting the following wardrobe elements and other bits of travel paraphenalia, alone in combination. These include: 1) Zippable nylon pants. Bonus points for extra colors or for unusual zipping motifs, such as an the deployment of one, rather than two, zippable legs at one time, or creative zipping strategies to maximize ventilation, such as partially unzipping the lower-leg units to allow maximum airflow about the knees, while still retaining optimal skin coverage. Double bonus for fully-loaded "cargo" pockets. 2)Safari shirts. Bonus points for shirts which incorporate technical elements such as the mesh-back-vent-covered-by-rollable-flap, zippable side vents, tabs to keep sleve-rolls in place, foldable collars, etc. Odd-sized pockets in places that are difficult to reach will also increase the score. As is the case with the pants, spotting an individual who has engaged in an especially creative deployment of all of the shirt's zip, vent, and "cargo" capacities will result in a higher score. 3. Synethic "Sombrero" style hat. Bonus for spotting a fellow traveler who deploys the Synthero with unuzual zeal or gusto, such as an individual who secures the aforementioned piece of technical headware with chinstrap at maximum tension, while eating indoors, 40 or 50 feet from the nearest window, at the ready in the event of an unpredicatable UV event, such as the reflection from the windshield of a passing truck, or some other such sudden solar misfortune. Pentuple bonus for the solid pith-helmet with leather chinstrap. 4. Tactical camera or binocular harness with three or more buckles. Double bonus for spotting an individual who has tethered an eight-ounce digital point-and-shoot to an especially elaborate harness system, or a fellow at the other end of the spectrum, who has elected to deploy a 20 centimeter spotting-scope/zoom in conjunction with the harness in order to capture the action at the tropical buffet, or an indivual who has the tandem camera-bino combo in effect at any location within 100 meters of a resort, hotel, or other tourist facility. 5. "Sport" sandals with webbing/buckles that extend at least one-inch above the ankles. 6. Individuals who elect to compensate for their limited Spanish by speaking loudly, slowly, and adding an "O" to the end of every noun. E.g. "Forko," "Drinko," etc. Bonus for spotting individuals who become visibly frustrated, impatient, and ultimately exasperated with those individuals who speak only the local tongue. 7. Rare items such as a folding, carbon fiber, tungsten-carbide-tipped, cork-handled walking stick with a camera attatchment dealy on the top so that the entire contrivance can work in "monopod" mode. Surely there are more. Contribute your own! With photos! I envision a folding, laminated card two-track scoring system, with one column for spotting single elements, and another column for individuals who are displaying one or more of the items or behaviors on the list simultaneously. The sum of the scores will then be divided by the number of days spent abroad. We'll make millions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted January 22, 2006 Author Share Posted January 22, 2006 I already got a couple of suggestions from my wife: 1. Bad local jewelry. 2. Fanny-packs. Bonus for black leather or neon, triple bonus for any fanny-pack that incorporates both. 3. People who seldom use the word "Eh?" yet carry packs festooned with multiple immaculate looking Canadian flag patches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foraker Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 I always like the things they say. One of the best was this cranky blue-haired lady who, quite loudly, said :"This place is horrible! It's just not like back home!". Mind you, this was downtown Sydney...... Or, the ever popular, "Do they use dollars here?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Blackout: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurthicks Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Tan from a can... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distel32 Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 JAYB! you forgot the most important one: People walking with a lonely planet guide in their hand. Usually looking at the map asking "I thought it was supposed to be next to here?" "WHAT!? Did you know they only have OUTHOUSES in the countryside!? so gross!" -from an italian working in Mongolia The people who get pissed off at people who don't speak english is a huge problem here, I've seen some fights almost break out from tourists because people working at food places don't understand english, so lame. 1. Wearing fur hats in summer 2. pointing at words in the dictionary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZimZam Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hey that chick has on stockings w/ shorts. WTF? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hey that chick has on stockings w/ shorts. WTF? She's a Mountaineer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 1) Clutched Guidebook in pocket. Bonus points for couple studying inaccurate and crappy Lonely Planet map with befuddled gaze. 2) Local clothing for color. Gringo wearing some hideously woven, garish, only for tourists shawl or shirt. 3) Culture by injection. Look for young western woman on the arm of local male. Particularly popular in places like Argentina and Nepal. Double bonus points for foreign men with local prostitues (except in Thailand - no points awarded at all) 4) Expedition size backpacks for a week long trip. Quadruple bonus points awarded for porter carrying expedition size backpack on 5 day teahouse trek for gringo. Oh - JayB you should head somewhere like Ko Sanh road - but the rules would change. There you'd have to get 5 in a row on the road in real life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitergal Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hey that chick has on stockings w/ shorts. WTF? AND SOCKS!! spam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hey that chick has on stockings w/ shorts. WTF? AND SOCKS!! spam At least she's not wearing underwear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucK Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Must've been quite the trip! See anything good besides inferior touristas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary_Yngve Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 this thread is hilarious!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Not nearly as funny as your photography guidelines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 3. People who seldom use the word "Eh?" yet carry packs festooned with multiple immaculate looking Canadian flag patches. Heh. I like approaching obvious canadians (accent) adorned with Canadian flags and asking them "So where are you from in the States?" #11 - Tourists adorned with multiple cameras. Bonus points for multiple points for each top of the line SLR in posession. Double bonus points for bright neckstraps emblazoned "Canon" or "Nikon". Triple bonus points if they have an assistant to carry their gear. #12 Tourist haggling for more than x minutes over monetary amounts less than $5x. i.e. more than a minute for amounts less than $5, 2 minutes less than $10. Should perhaps be a log scale. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archenemy Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 #11 - Tourists adorned with multiple cameras. Bonus points for multiple points for each top of the line SLR in posession. Double bonus points for bright neckstraps emblazoned "Canon" or "Nikon". Triple bonus points if they have an assistant to carry their gear. Quadruple when they know how to use anything other than the assistant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Blackout: is that Garth Brooks in the center with an aloha shirt? how about a thorough examination of this photo to point out every detail, where is waldo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 I neglected to mention that I would have scored quite highly myself. If I had the cash for a high-end SLR I might have possible taken top-honors. Yeah - the trip was cool, saw some interesting stuff, met some usual people, relaxed a bit, did some reading. Nothing unusual. Typical vacation stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 3. People who seldom use the word "Eh?" yet carry packs festooned with multiple immaculate looking Canadian flag patches. Heh. I like approaching obvious canadians (accent) adorned with Canadian flags and asking them "So where are you from in the States?" #11 - Tourists adorned with multiple cameras. Bonus points for multiple points for each top of the line SLR in posession. Double bonus points for bright neckstraps emblazoned "Canon" or "Nikon". Triple bonus points if they have an assistant to carry their gear. #12 Tourist haggling for more than x minutes over monetary amounts less than $5x. i.e. more than a minute for amounts less than $5, 2 minutes less than $10. Should perhaps be a log scale. While I was down there someone clued me into another secret for distinguishing between Candians and Americans. Just let fly with the observation that Canada and America, or Canadians and Americans are exactly alike. Most Americans will shrug their shoulders, most Canadians will lose no time in correcting you on this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I neglected to mention that I would have scored quite highly myself. If I had the cash for a high-end SLR I might have possible taken top-honors. Especially if we included #13 a well honed loathing and smug sense of superiority over the rest of your fellow travelers, most of who are exactly like you (I score highly in this category). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted January 23, 2006 Author Share Posted January 23, 2006 That was probably the funniest thing about the trip. My own sense of smug superiority was seriously crimped by the fact that I lost my hat and had to cruise around in a bright-blue sun-hat thingy that said "Costa Rica" right across the front in order to keep from frying my dome. That and a powder-blue button-up with a palm-tree logo sewn on the front that I picked up at some sort of a discount clothing joint in central San Jose made me a clear contender for the high-score. I also added to the champion status, when some older lady cruised up to me on the beach and asked me the location of something in machine-gun Spanish. My reply was "Lo siento. Yo no se porque yo soy un gringo." She laughed and moved on... It was really, really interesting to encounter an entire town filled with people who consider themselves to be too cool to be considered tourists, and where they could get away from all of their tourist brethren. The name of this town was Montezuma, and it seemed like it was essentially purpose built for tourists, although it must have actually been an obscure little coastal hamlet at some point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj001f Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 It was really, really interesting to encounter an entire town filled with people who consider themselves to be too cool to be considered tourists, and where they could get away from all of their tourist brethren. Try asia. There are whole cities filled with them. Oh - and people trying to "understand" the local culture who can't quite comprehend that it's no longer sustainably subsistance, western medicine (among a few other factors) has made them unsustainably subsistance. It's good fun if you can keep your lunch down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distel32 Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 cj that is exactly true. I always say hi to other white folk here in mgl, some peeps won't even look at me, just turn away, so lame. But then I've met really great foreigners who have asked me to help with their language and translate for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZimZam Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Hey that chick has on stockings w/ shorts. WTF? She's a Mountaineer. She can't be. Her legs aren't hairy enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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