olyclimber Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 The rules of engagement were written on the wall when you walk in the door. After nearly a year of training for this moment, I felt strong and driven, even after a recent illness. For months, I had punished myself, pushing myself to the limits,and it seemed there was no bottom to my lack self confidence. I tried hide from it, and ignore the searing, all-seeing eye. It sought me out everyday, and let me know I was inadequate. Still, my self hatred drove me onward to the goal in front of me. I had no choice but to face my fear...the unthinkable? Could I do it? Doubts blackened my mind as I tied on the ropes. I focused the rage, spurned on by the dark venomous snakes crawling and spitting thier poison in my belly. There was no turning back, and so I started up the route, as the snakes rose up in my stomach, writhing in my throat and choking my breath with fear. I fought it back, and struggled upward. Click. I could breath easier. The snakes retreated, and I moved upward. The next goal was in site, I reached up....click, and made ready to move on. Oh wait...somethings gone wrong. OH FUCK! OH SHIT! GAA-OOOOOOGAH! GAA-OOOOOOOGAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! .......Z-CLIP ALERT! Z-CLIP ALERT! Z-CLIP ALERT! LEAD TEST FAILURE! FAILURE! FAILURE! Everyone in the gym stopped in their tracks and stared. I hung from the top rope in shame, the test lead rope zig-zaggin on the wall down to the ground. Beta-monkeys and Prana tops alike attempted to stifle thier laughter, but the crescendo rose louder and louder, and soon the whole gym rang with shrieks of laughter as they pointed at me and rolled on the floor, kicking up cloud of chalk. As I was lowered to the ground, I could feel a brand burning into my forehead....a large, scarlet "L". Oh, and thanks JayB for the belay. I'll get'er done next week, now that I actually have figured out how to "properly Z-clip a bolt ladder". This pie tastes pretty good, but I don't plan on eating it again....but then, I'm always outdoing myself. I'm hoping everyone else it enjoying this as much as I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Failure is sometimes an unfortunate consequence of risk. What is life without risk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Well, I forgot to mention that I had drank a bunch of castor oil before the test. Then I puked everywhere, and it caused a chain reaction and I had my revenge! But...I still z-clipped the beyotch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DPS Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I saw the title of this thread and assumed it was about me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griz Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Heh, this was like 10-11 years ago but I'd been leading trad for 4 years or something and I failed my lead test too. Fuck that was embarrassing. Those damn bolts were like 2ft apart and I was so used to 'grabbing low, clipping high' that 'grab near belly button, clip near left man boob' messed me up. so chin up buckaroo gyms anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpine_Dreamer Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Great story, Oly. I still remember the first time I walked into SG, hopped on a V1, and promptly fell right on my ass. After a few humiliating moments like this, you stop givin' a shit about everyone else in the gym and focus on what you're doing. Amazing what that extra focus can do for your climbing. Wear brightly colored lycra - it'll speed the process. Z-clipping is embarrasing, but whatever you do, don't skip a clip at SG. If caught, they'll blackball your ass. I had to grovel for a week to keep my lead priviledges when I did this about a year ago. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rafael_H Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hmmm, Oly, it sounds like you were a bit apprehensive to climb above the last bolt and clip conveniently. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 I actually had a plans to weave a Jacob's Ladder through the quickdraws, but The Man @ The Gym ain't haven't it with my fancy showboating. Especially since it was a test, and whatnot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harkin_Banks Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 basically it comes down to this: you suck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 basically it comes down to this: you suck You're preaching to the choir. But you swallow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ireneo_Funes Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Taking the lead test at the gym is almost as bad as filling out NOLSe's prospective partner questionnaire. I took a pretty good fall when I was taking mine at PRG...everyone got really quiet and stared at me afterward. I'm guessing it's 'cause I probably said something profane right as I was peeling off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lancegranite Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Falling should be part of the test! "OK, that looks great...now pull up two arm loads of slack and jump!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plexus Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 At least JayB knew how to belay you. When I volunteered at the Bham YMCA wall, I had a guy so fuck up a gri-gri That I didn't think you could set it up that way. I ran behind him and clipped in with my ATC so his partner wouldn't crater into the floor when he was lowered down. And I wasn't even volunteering that night!! I was amazed that the place wasn't sued for negligence. I haven't been there for over four years but what caused me to leave was the non-attentive hippie crowd and their GOD DAMN GRATEFUL DEAD!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 leading in the gym sucks. It is not like leading outside at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 20, 2005 Author Share Posted January 20, 2005 Deuce. Twice. Again. My errors: 1. I managed to get the top rope tangled in the lead climbing rope 2. I back clipped I should point out that I don't think I failed undeservingly. I did something that is potentially hazardous, and the tester rightly failed me. The first time was funny, but twice is downright embarrassing. I'm not a great climber (obviously), but I can easily climb the 5.7 route the test is on. I do have experience climbing with knowledgable people, and I always invite those who know more than me to give me feedback on my skills. In retrospect, I had two things going against me: 1. For some reason, I got nervous. 2. I'm not used to leading climbing with the extra top rope they require. Anyway, I'm going to keep taking the damn test until I pass. And I'll request the same tester, because I want to "focus the rage" on this little problem of mine. I hope I'm not scaring off potential climbing partners, but then, you're probably glad to know to avoid me. Anyway, in case you're wondering, I have taken a lead climbing class in the past, and I know and understand why I failed. Thanks to the person who took the time to belay me during the test. I'll buy you a beer next time I see you. I do believe I'm going down in infamy here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catbirdseat Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 I do believe I'm going down in infamy here. Do you think so? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squid Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 You can do it, little red engine! I think you can! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ireneo_Funes Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Just think "I'm training for the alpine!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thelawgoddess Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 thanks for sharing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chucK Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Do you have to pay for the belay tests? If so, perhaps you should consider getting a punch card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayB Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 I recommend drinking beforehand. Nothing gets you ready for an all-night send-o-rama like a stinger of domestic and a can of Red Bull. Or so I hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harkin_Banks Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 jeezus dude if you can't cut it out here go back to the gym ...er or somewhere...like a gym but not actually a gym? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted January 20, 2005 Author Share Posted January 20, 2005 If the weather would cooperate I will go practice for the test by leading outside. Once I rebuild my confidence outside, I may be ready for the rigors of climbing in the gym. Also Red Bull and neon lycra seems like sound advice. I'm starting to feel my confidence return. But I'll choke back the spray and just try to speak with action next week. Hell, I'm even going to practice and rehearse. It has been a race to the bottom, and I've got such a great lead, I feel like I can ease up a bit. I would just like to thank all the people who have supported me through this ordeal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squid Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 If you need a support group, or just some cheerleaders to focus positive energy on you, it would be worth the gym fee go cheer you on? Which gym are you 'climbing' at? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plexus Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Hey Oly, When you get to the top (and I know you can), look down at your tester and say, "A two quickdraw anchor?! When I climbed Nooksack Tower, there was only a rusty piton!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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