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Associated Press-

Speaking today at a Ted Kennedy High School, Democratic presidential canidate John Kerry reportedly "smoked tough" with a number of future Democratic voters.

Issues discussed included snowboarding, legalization of medical marijuana for the cronicly disinterested and the high prices charged by Ticketmaster.

Sources close to Kerry said the presidental hopeful was "pretty baked" and later entertained supporters with stories about calling in airstrikes on acid while serving his country in Vietnam.

The young constituents were reportedly "totally stoked".

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"Expertly utilizing his training in covert espionage, senior secret service operative Louis B. Tramptington, 37, (wearing red neo-hipster tie-dye disguise and trendy hemp choker necklace) attempts to coerce democratic presidential candidate John Kerry to "give us the goods on this like, campaign and stuff, dude."

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Fondly retelling stories of beating up kids "just like you guys" this group of high school students listens with rapt attention to senator John Kerry as he unveiled his plans for national school dress codes, manditory showering for P.E. and greater hazing powers for jocks.

 

Kerry explained the finer points of his plan, dubbed " The bell curve for the new century"

Senator Kerry declaired that plummeting test scores and gun violence we the results of " a breakdown in the caste system" and promised a "speedy return to power" for seniors.

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"So you guys are all boulderers right? OK there's this RAD limestone boulder outside of Ho Ch Minh City.. no shit there i was in summer of '70, I grabbed some dead bodies to use as a mat, dynoed from a sick Gaston into a Egyptian, made sure Charlie was spotting and launched into the undercling crux like so... you gotta have your fingers spread cause there are 3 separate mono pockets to hit...what kinda 8a.nu score do ya think I'd get for that?"

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"Surgeon General's Warning: The above photo demonstrates the tragic result of long-term exposure to political candidates. The test subjects, formerly pre-engineering students and MENSA members, who had previously planned to study for careers in particle physics, bridge engineering, and rocket science, were reduced to pursuits and critical thought such as hacky sack, bouldering, and lamenting the demise of Phish."

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Bouldering.com girl:"Senator, have you heard of Climbers for Kerry? They're a group of environmentally conscious youths who are going to climb the Captain to help you 'take back North America' this fall."

 

Senator Kerry:Who f#cking cares? You kids certainly know how to piss into the wind.

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