Drug testing

[EWolfe]

So I had a little herb last weekend , and now I think I may have to take a drug test for my new job.

 

Anyone got any sure-fire short-term fixes?

[catbirdseat]

I think you better have a good story. Maybe you got it second hand? Good luck, you'll need it.

[Dru]

get some of cbs urine in a little nalgene and pour that in the cup

 

it will only test positive for geek

[lummox]

dont do drugs?

 

it kina depends on your job. goverment and military type jobs have a way high level of tolerance. that way if you go over there is no arguing about levels: you were fuked up so you are fired. private jobs make up their own rules.

 

on the rumor side: i heard eating fats will help keep your body from releasing the thc. eat a big mac?

[Ratboy]

There's an herb you can buy to mask marijuana in drug tests. I think it might be goldenroot, but I'm not 100% sure. There should be information on the Internet about it.

[catbirdseat]

get some of cbs urine in a little nalgene and pour that in the cup

 

it will only test positive for geek

All I'm saying is that if you get caught trying to evade or defeat the system, the consequences could be worse than a postive test result. Find out what the deal is. Most times you won't lose your job. Chances are they just have you talk with your supervisor and come to some agreement.

[lummox]

goldenseal. dont believe the hype.

if you are freaking about passing buy a test yourslef and see what you get. you might have just been smokin bullshit that wont show up.

[bunglehead]

I had a friend that bought this kit off of some website that was guaranteed to work, and apparently it did, because she's never failed a drug test. Sorry, but I forget what it's called.

On the other hand, I had another friend that tried to cheat by bringing in a sample of clean urine he bought off the internet as well. Snuck it in in a condom taped to his leg and the second it hit the cup, the temperature sensor said it was 5 degrees too cold. Needless to say that didn't work, and he didn't get the job.

[toptimmy]

if you are not a frequent user a couple puffs probably wont show after 72 hours.

You could get some "clean urine" a thermometer and a cup of coffee.get to place take container of urine and put in coffee until 100 degrees.now this is gonna sting a little but take container and put under nutsack.I think you can guess the rest.

For added security wear battman ball busters.

I have worked with guys that have used the herbal snake oils and all have been dischaged.

[catbirdseat]

There was a case in which the berberine in goldenseal made a drug test come out POSITIVE. This got turned around in folklore to where it make the test come out negative.

[assmonkey]

Once, a long, long time ago, in a lifetime far, far away, assmonkey would hydrate like a motherfucker before said test and take a vitamin with lots of B in it. The overhydration would result in just water coming out, the B vitamin would make the pee yellow. I think the technology has probably come along now so that wouldn't work so well.

 

This is probably the best advice in the post so far:

 

All I'm saying is that if you get caught trying to evade or defeat the system, the consequences could be worse than a postive test result. Find out what the deal is. Most times you won't lose your job. Chances are they just have you talk with your supervisor and come to some agreement.

 

- a s s m * n k e y

[Dru]

i heard somewhere (we don't have these tests in Canada ) that these tests are about as accurate as a polygraph, ie error rates of 15% or higher and lots of false-positives.

 

so if you get tested and it comes up positive, act affronted and demand you be retested immediately. it will probably take them a week to set up the retest by which time your system will have cleaned up

[catbirdseat]

There are different types of tests. Some are just inexpensive screens that are less accurate and specific. However, once you are suspected, if they want to spend the money, they can use LC-MS and that data will hold up in court any day.

[murraysovereign]

I had another friend that tried to cheat by bringing in a sample of clean urine he bought off the internet as well. Snuck it in in a condom taped to his leg and the second it hit the cup, the temperature sensor said it was 5 degrees too cold. Needless to say that didn't work, and he didn't get the job.

 

You have to carry the clean urine inside your body to get the temperature right, and to avoid any chance of detection. Here's how some Olympic weightlifters and wrestlers used to do it: take a clean urine sample, load it into a syringe, take a good long piss to make sure your bladder is completely empty. Now - here's the squeamish part - insert a catheter all the way up your urethra , attach the syringe, and pump the clean urine into your bladder. Then go to your appointment and provide the sample (nicely warmed to internal body temperature) in the usual way.

 

Personally, I think if you can get past the part about pushing a catheter up your John Thomas into your bladder, you deserve a gold medal just for that.

[EWolfe]

 

I don't need the job that bad!

 

Thanks for the info, special thanks to the one who sent me the link.

[Greg_W]

i heard somewhere (we don't have these tests in Canada ) that these tests are about as accurate as a polygraph, ie error rates of 15% or higher and lots of false-positives.

 

so if you get tested and it comes up positive, act affronted and demand you be retested immediately. it will probably take them a week to set up the retest by which time your system will have cleaned up

 

Only problem is that down here, usually you have to pay for the re-test.

[Dru]

so pay for the retest and get the job vs dont pay and dont get job, which is worse?

 

another option would be to schedule a vasectomy for right before the test and piss em a cup full of blood on the day. that would certainly cause some od results not to mention you could state your painkillers prescribed for the operation were cannabinoids.....

[Brad_CA]

Bham, assmonkey is all over this one. Drink yourself silly for as long as you can stand. I never took B, but vitamin C will make your piss yellow too. Start popping a few multi-vitamins to get the appropriate amino's in your system and you'll be golden! haha

 

the other thing is that the shit in pot resides in fat cells, so if you're not a lard ass it wont really stay in your system all that long.

 

drink lots of water, take vitamins, and piss like a race horse

[Thadsboner]

The drug test is all mental. They just do that shit to make the insurance agency happy.

 

My buddie was down in utah with me smoking the reefer for a week straight. then the day he got back to work in alaska, first thing in the morning, he got a random. He said he still had cottonmouth when he was taking the test and he came out negative. imagine that.

[bird]

I'll let you in on my experience. It was about three days after I spent a good chunk of Saturday snowboarding/smoking weed in Whistler that I was caught in a situation where I had to take a drug test on the spot. It would have been much too embarrassing to bail out, so I pissed in the cup and hoped for the best. Nothing ever came of it. I think I passed because I don't do it very often... but I'm not sure. I drank a shitload of beer too, so maybe it washed it out of my system.

[snoboy]

I feel sorry for you guys... Sheesh!

[rbw1966]

A "friend" smoked hash and weed off and on throughout his military career and never tested positive. In spite of being busted virtually red-handed. This "friend" drank LOTS of cranberry juice prior testing. His urine was once rejected for being to clear so had to wait another 30 minutes and go again. Still no positive reading.

 

Thank god they dont test hair samples.

[murraysovereign]

I feel sorry for you guys... Sheesh!

 

No kidding, eh? I'm so glad I live in a free country instead of a police state.

[Pandora]

I feel sorry for you guys... Sheesh!

 

 

[EWolfe]

I feel sorry for you guys... Sheesh!

 

No kidding, eh? I'm so glad I live in a free country instead of a police state.

 

Dood! That's righteous!