Dear Byotch,
Thanks for you letter of concern! Upon deliver of your precious message, I immediately devoured the contents. No, I didn't read it. I ate the letter. It was delicious.
What ever your concern was, it does not impact me in the slightest. In fact, I don't even know you exist. I actually don't think that you do. At anyrate, I'm sending this message out to please my fancy, and demostrate what a witty cad I am. Sometime I dress up like Napoleon Bonaparte and go shopping at Safeway. Whimsical, eh?
Anyway, I apologize for the problems you may have had. But, you see, I've been going to college here for 9 years now, and I've seen it all. It is always stupid ass petty problems, and never a single real issue. "What about me...blah, blah, blah." Get over yourself. Think about those people in Malaysia with the tsunamia! Do you think your petty little problem compares?
.....any, that is a start. You could probably close by telling them to go get a refund for their college tuition or something. Good luck!