If you want to be a Good and Loyal Republican, there are some core myths you must believe:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is divine retribution.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who teaches bible school on Sunday is most qualified to teach 4th graders about sex.
3. You have to believe that if we only had enough guns everyone would be safe.
4. You have to believe that art should be only for the rich.
5. You have to believe that if we come up with enough excuses to do nothing we can ignore global warming and sell more SUVs to get rich while millions go under the waves in Bangladesh.
6. You have to believe that women should be kept barefoot and pregnant and that homosexuals should get electroshock treatment.
7. You rather kill people after they have become criminals instead of prevent them from being born as unwanted children in the first place.
8. You have to believe that business will take care of you even as they export your job overseases.
9. You have to believe that if you can't shoot it, log it, or dam it ain't worth shit.
10. You have to believe that money will make you happy.
11. You have to believe that with a big enough military, you don't need diplomacy.
12. You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that if you cut taxes for the wealthy enough the deficit will go away.
14. You have to believe that Milton J. Freedman, Henry Ford and John D. Rockafeller are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, or Albert Einstein.
15. You have to believe that "colored" races are poor because they are inferior and test scores prove it.
16. You have to believe the best way to keep the health insurance industry rich is to attack Hillary Clinton.
17. You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried.
18. You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a coke head belongs in the White House.
19. You have to believe Christianity should be promoted by the government because "we were first", despite the fact that the Constitution forbids the favoring of one religion over another.
20. You have to believe that illegal Republican party funding by large corporations disguised as individual contributions is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
21. You have to believe that anyone who beats you in an intellectual arguments is a bigot.
Vote Republican ... It's easier than thinking!
