Dr_Flash_Amazing

Oxygen. (Or something along those lines. Yeesh.)

A while back, some members of the DFA Krew were out at Smith, getting ready to get on Magic Light, as another group had just finished before them. Someone starts up the route, and, about a quarter of the way up, a lady who is actually climbing 5-Gallon Buckets starts hollering at them, telling them they have to get off Magic Light because she was going to get on it next! Some people ...

But that's not the point! There's no bolts, get it? It's pure, natural, undespoiled, 100% Grade-A all-American TRAD climbing! So it's OK! OK?!

Can't argue with that kind of logic!

Looks like Morning Glory on a spring Saturday, minus the flags.

Maple syrup?! Whadda we look like, a buncha Canadian Moose Mounties or sumpin'? For reals, though, maple syrup has a sort of intrusive flavor, yes? And brown rice syrup, one must imagine, is probably pretty anonymous, flavor-wise, as it's in everything these days.

Ehhh, you wussface. The book says none of the moves are unreasonable or nothin'. Or are you just afraid of the contorted jams that make the climbing no fun (paraphrase of SmithBible)? Tape up and step up, nancy boy.

"PAVE, PAVE, PAVE THE WORLD! PAVE, PAVE THE WORLD!" - The Blue Meanies

You gonna send Toes now?

Shut up! Just shut UP!

Waitasecond. You mean you move your hands above your waist in general when climbing? What're you, crazy?

Dorky maybe, but cool idea definitely. It is fun to look back and see how you've progressed and remember cool shit ya did, too.

None of you all have ever actually been rock climbing, have you? Really, just admit it; it's OK. Really now, how often on a route can you simply reverse a bunch of moves (that you onsighted -- !) and get back to the ground? If you've gotten yourself far enough up something that you're tiring out enough to need a rest, you probably can't climb back down to the ground anyway! Not to mention you're seriously flirting with falling off if you do. Good luck reversing, say, the blank traverse on Up For Grabs, the dyno/lockoff on Toxic, the undercling/reach moves on Blue Light, or the 40 feet of nubbin pimping on Latin Lover. You've got DFA baffled as to how you're going to successfully downclimb through whatever quantity of climbing got you worked in the first place.

If'n you do the West Face whatever whatever (variation or something?) into the Pioneer route, you get like four or five pitches of tradliness and A0 action on a fun mini-exposed bolt ladder, and the infamous and super-fun Panic Point pitch out the Monkey's mouf. Them other routes in the other thread good too. You know, for trad routes.

Moonshine Dihedral is probably not the best choice for persons not quite comfortable leading at least 5.8 trad. Given the steepishness of the upper section and the highly populated "office" below, it seems like a recipe for some type of disasterfuck.

To clarify, DFA's example was the famous/infamous "DBBB" (double bowline with a bowline backup), by the way. To add to the confusion, the "bowline with the 'Yosemite finish'" is also popular for similar low-bulk, easy-untie (when you want to!) reasons.

Ah, you must have missed the memo Mr. Watts sent out a while back. In an unprecedented merger of the Information Management and Biotechnology arms of AmazingCo, Inc., in conjunction with Alan Watts' peerless body of knowledge relating to Smith Rock, the entire tome has been physiopsychically implanted in Dr. Flash Amazing's capacious brain. So now, rather than lugging about a bulky codex and having to weild a messy, unreliable writing implement to make notations therein, DFA is able to simply access the necessary data and modify it on the fly. You should try it; it's relatively inexpensive and almost totally faislslafee ... fssaflafes ... sailflafe ... failsafe failsafe failsafe. It works pretty good.

Curiously, Climbing seems to have removed this extremely handy Tech Tip from their website. Fortunately for you, the intrepid Dr. Flash Amazing has braved the vicissitudes of the interweb to bring you the goods, apparently pirated by someone in China. And now, for your edification, "the goods": The "a, b, c, d, e" on the diagram is the order in which you should tighten the loops on the knot to get it properly dressed. This knot rocks, by the way, and hasn't broken yet!

Dr. Flash Amazing finds those little check boxes next to the route names at the back of the SmithBible to do the trick, along with a brief notation of any relevant info. Usually the date and number of tries before success (unless it took too many tries to count), or whether it was a flash or onsight, or a TR or hangdog session on a route that is at present too hard or otherwise undesirable to send. Usually a scribble by the route description in the main part of the book if a route is extremely hard for the grade (or is a flat-out sandbag) or is total crap or something, too.

Climbing had a 'Tech Tip' on this within the last few years; it went into a fair amount of detail on good construction tips. Kind of a waste of time, though; dragging that thing up Aggro Gully was a bitch!

Post again when the crags have been rap-bolted and roto-sculpted, and the belay benches and parking spaces are in. Sweet!

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Sluggin' it out on the GDG!

Two words: slacklining is for fuckin' hippies. For real, though, slacklining will probably give you really great balance ... for slacklining. If you want to hone your climberly balance, go climbing. Aside from Dean Potter, no one who ever spent their time slacklining ever amounted to anything as a climber. No one. And what kind of person is Dean Potter? That's right. HIPPIE.

Departing for B__'s to drink jinnantonix in t-minus 2ish hours, thence to the aforementioned Rock vs. Bush tour show. If sub-two-minute blasts of scathing (or sometimes sophomoric -- or both) humor propelled by pogo-punk perfection counts as noodling, then yeah, NOFX noodles. If you're talking about space jam freakouts, consider the following opening lines from their tune "Always Hate Hippies": "You are a hippie, you smell like skunk I'm your arch enemy, a middle class street punk!" Toss in a little morose despair from the Alkaline Trio and some Jello Biafra pontification, and you're good to go!