Dr_Flash_Amazing

Screw that, y'all. DFA is of the firm belief that everyone sucks. To wit: Love, Dr. Flash "anti-social" Amazing

Oh, oops! Well, Mr. "hey, look at me, I can scam a bunch of Rolling Stones riffs and put some DJ drum beats with them and everyone thinks I'm the most original thing since bottled water" Beck is still way overrated! And glad you enjoy the Doctor's egomaniacal ranting. Stop by the Amazing Clinic for a free consultation any time.

Anyone find it odd that we (i.e. our "president") are pushing for peace in the Middle East while we are bombing Afghanistan? The Doctor's no rocket scientist, but unless his calculations are incorrect, that would represent a contradiction of sorts. Not to say that our stupid, crooked government is always fraught with hypocrisy, of course.

Anything with plenty of bolts in it. And that double-dyno boulder problem Ron Kauk does in Masters of Stone. That was choice.

Not that this threat is about good deals on down anymore, but the Doc recommends The North Face outlet's annual sale (Labor Day, maybe?) in Bend. Last year they were having something like 75% off store-wide, plus there was a coupon in the Bend Bulletin for an additional 10% on top of that. DFA scored one o' them 700 fill DryLoft jobbies for 95 bucks (cheaper than their regular down jackets). Not a bad savings over the original 300+ dollar price tag. Of course, TNF may not earn as many cool mountaineering points as FF or Western Mntnrng, but at the price, it's tough to bitch about it.

DFA adopts the pro-good dog/anti-bad dog stance. Basically, if you have a dog that barks at anything unfamiliar, runs around, jumps on people, and steps all over their stuff (and doesn't understand "no!"), then perhaps the furry bastard ought best be left at home. If, however, your dog is well behaved, or better yet, totally sedate (not sedated--although that's not a bad idea; "here, boy! Time for your Ketamine!"), then by all means bring the beast. Many dog owners don't seem to understand that many non-dog owners actually don't like it when dogs jump on them and slobber all over their stuff while sticking their nose in your pack looking for your bucket of KFC or your prized Clif Bar. They also don't seem to understand that listening to a barking dog is just as annoying as listening to someone else's boom box at the crag. Extremely obnoxious. I'm sure most of these people would be pissed if you stepped on their rope and started licking their hands, and then busted out the ghetto blaster with your favorite death metal mix tape. But for some reason, we without dogs are expected to smile and enjoy the presence of ill-behaved canines. So, please; next time you're thinking about bringing your untrained, unruly beast to the crags, think about how much you appreciate similar disturbances to your cragging experience, and arrange to leave the dog with your brother or something. Love, Dr. Flash "PSAs are part of the Doc's parole agreement" Amazing

Yeah, Beck is coming to Portland this week, but the Doctor can't stand his rehash/ripoff rock routine. Not to take anything away from anyone else who likes him, of course, but the guy is way overrated.

Ah, just to avoid any possible confusion, that's Joe's Valley, but like Glacier said; go there. There's also Ibex, which is kind of cool, and a couple hours to the west.

*Dr. Flash Amazing smacks his forehead in amazement* Good cripes, man! That's it! The Doctor will just call up the tycoons at the Coge', tell them the protesting will "conveniently die down" if they agree to make one small concession, and get them to roll out the red carpet for the cragging set. And of course hook DFA up for life ... Everybody goes home happy! They could harvest all the steam from the plant, and re-condense it to use for shower water! Plastic holds all the way up the smoke stacks! It's perfect! [ 08-01-2002, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Who's shooting messengers? The Doctor is well aware that you didn't create the survey, sir (which is not to say that you might not be an HTML whiz). He was just commenting that the choice of cervezas was rather grim. No need to get the proverbial knickers in a twist, old bean.

Something tells the Doctor that he won't exactly be able to afford paying someone with an MBA to run his joint. This is a climber's hostel we're talking about, not a soon-to-be corrupt utility company! Of course if he could find some tax loopholes and get DFA some large, uh, "loans" through the company, maybe we can talk.

Hmmm ... 11/17. Is 64% still a passing grade? It seems Dr. Flash Amazing has been drinking too much wine lately. Plus the Doctor wouldn't go near half of that swill--where's the Bridgeport IPA and the Black Butte Porter fuhcryin' out loud? Lone Star? Killian's? Puh-leeeez! [ 08-01-2002, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Thanks for the input! The volunteer idea is a goodie. That would maybe enable the Doc to actually climb and own a business, which is usually unheard-of. The sliding fee scale is also a key idea that the Doctor had. Paying for services that you don't want or need is stupid, and having that flexibility in pricing would enable more people to make use of the facility (and hopefully bring in some dough). And yeah, there is some property for sale near Smith, and the prices aren't too gross. But first DFA needs to learn how to run a business. Details, details ... Anyway, Dr. Flash Amazing thought this would be a great alternative to the currently available sleeping options, but the apparent lack of anything like this in the country left him a little skeptical. If any of you happen to spread the word and relay any input you get, the Doctor would be much obliged. Perhaps a reward in the form of free vouchers to the Amazing Clinic good for an exam or some such. [ 08-01-2002, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Dr Flash Amazing ]

Matt Anderson is dead-on about Maple. If you can swing the drive, go there. Some of the most fun and unusual climbing the Doctor has experienced. Don't forget to factor in a little time to adjust to the cobbles. It takes a while to trust that all the holds won't come off in your hands (although some of them do anyway). And the weather's great, even in summer time. Good climbing can be had at Box Canyon, the Minimum Crag, Low Standard Cave, the front corridor (may have the name wrong), and the crag right by the bridge over the creek.

And that's without getting into Logan Canyon, Mill Creek, and about a gazillion crags in southern Utah, and of course Zion. Dr. Flash Amazing recommends picking up one o' them new Falcon guides that covers the whole state, and digging in to a veritable feast of good cragging.

Here, read this and let the Doctor know what you think. Please? Thank you so much, and do have a pleasant day.

Hey, what about AF? Not the most aesthetic stone you'll ever see, but there are some fun routes. Or were you looking for something other than sport climbing?

Ah, yes; don't get the Doctor wrong; he has had a fair number of naturally-protected, more than a five-minute approach, multi-pitch type adventures. It just so happens that he's a grunting, thrutching sport-monkey at heart. Aloha, DFA

Mira, vato; DFA was urged to come here by a certain fwg over at smithrock.com. The Doctor probably won't even stick around, since all the topics seem to be about *gasp* ... alpine climbing. Someone let the Doctor know when we can talk bolts and chipped pockets on lovely welded tuff. Ciao, Dr. Flash "sports climbing is tops" Amazing

Dr. Flash Amazing is astounded. Do you people complaining about use fees not understand? If the government starts providing enough money to allow us to use and maintain our "public" lands, how in the hell will they pay for bombs? Did you ever think of that? Thousands of Afghanistanis are armed to the teeth with sticks and grass; we need to bomb them into submission, obviously. You'll be wishing you had paid those use fees when the unwashed hordes descend upon is in all their terrorist glory.

The Doctor sees his reputation precedes him, and with some measure of horror induced thereby. All as it should be. Come, friends, DFA just wants to shoot the proverbial shit about the vertical (or the overhanging or the slabby -- but hopefully not the slabby). Shalom, Dr. Flash Amazing

Keep in mind that nearly any location in the northern I-5 corridor will be plagued by rain from October to June (give or take a month or so either way). Climbing options near Portland are fair, with a smattering of basalt crags within about 20 minutes, as well as some secret-stash and newly-developed (and recently hyped) bouldering. The real problem with the climbing is that it's frequently wet due to the fact that it's frequently raining. There is, you see, a reason that so many people "only climb at Smith." DFA would recommend (does recommend) that you look into Bend as an option. Bend has that nice, dry, high-desert climate, and the skies are more often than not blue. You can climb around Bend when it's snowing (at least at Smith), and often it will be sunny again after snowing or raining. It's truly a great climate. You do get a bit of the summer heat, but the evenings are typically manageable. It's about 20 minutes from Smith, and there is scads of good bouldering lurking in the surrounding forests (and subdivisions and golf courses) nearby. Add to that the Cascades within spitting distance (making for spectacular sunsets), lift-accessed and backcountry skiing, mountain biking galore, a large outdoorsy community, and some very good beer, and you've got a great place to live. Of course, you miss out on some big-city amenities like concerts and whatnot, but the trade-offs are well worth it (e.g. you're unlikely to have a half-hour-plus commute in Bend). Hope that helps, and good luck on the relocation! Love, Dr. Flash "location, location, location" Amazing