Dr_Flash_Amazing

That's a serious drag. Gregg-head, do you hang out with your weapon in a shoulder holster when you're kicking back on your couch with your kids? Is the ol' peacemaker under your pillow when you sleep? Got one behind the TP in the lavatory? 'Cause check it out: unless you've got that fucker practically in your hand, it's not doing shit for you when some thug with a gun kicks in your front door, wakes you up with the cold muzzle against your nose, etc. So, Captain Bullet, yeah, apparently the occasional home invasion takes place (let's see, that's the first time DFA's ever heard of one happening in the Pac NW, sounds like a common occurrence!), but how to prevent it? Hey, maybe if guns weren't as common as bubblegum, Joe Thief wouldn't have had the balls to perpetrate this shit, hmmm?

Spreading specious right-wing propaganda already, eh, RobBob?

*beep ba-beep beep de-deep beep beep!* This just in! Dr. Flash Amazing is running away with the election, and the votes just keep on pouring in! Several other candidates have been placed on suicide watch as they sink into an ever-deepening blue funk over the sound trouncing they've received from the relative newcomer and undisputed champion of the people! Stay with us for complete Sprayer of the Year election coverage! Brought to you in Full-Spectrum Snaffle-Vision!

Son, you wouldn't know ghetto if a bunch of loc'ed-out Gs opened a crack house in your cracker-ass basement and started runnin' ho's outta your living room, so don't even run off at the lip, tryin' ta play hard.

No, every single day!

REI and Nikwax both have down washing products, and washing stuff seems to be a proven de-stanking method. Be sure to use a front-loading washer, though (visit a laundromat if you ain't got one), unless you want to rip all the baffles out of the bag. Once it's done with the first wash, leave it in the washer and run another full cycle with no soap to get all the residual soap out from the first wash. Then it's into the dryer (again, the laundromat is your best bet, as the bag needs room to tumble). Down, as you're probably aware, takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to dry, so bring a book. Toss a few tennis balls, balled-up socks, or even some shoes in with your bag (although shoes can purportedly damage the bag as they're a bit heavy and clunky -- your call on that one) to bust up the clumps of wet down and speed up the drying process. Ahh, nice and clean!

Pssshhh ... Bitch, don't even front.

Who you calling a Bozo-bot, Platypussy? You want some of the DFA? Huh? Huh? Zat whatcherafter? Eh? Think before you move, beeeyotch! Rope a dope, rope a dope! You got nothin' on the Doctor! Nothin'! DFA brings maaaad spray every muhfuggin' day, foo'! Uh! Can't step to this! Can't step to it! Naaahhh! Back up, 'fore ya gets popped! BLAOW! Don't front on Shaolin! Wu-Tang steez cominatcha, splittin' ya wig, hops! Boo-yah!

That worthless lump of sod Trask has snatched up an inconceivable 25% of the vote! Things are getting a bit tight, but Dr. Flash Amazing still handily controls the polls! Get out the vote, citizens, and no one gets hurt!

Always remember, dear Mr. Puget: There is no substitute for panache!

Stifle it, devilboy!

Whoooo, DFA's in the lead with a landslide 66% of the vote! Crack open the champagne, folks; it's time for the victory party!

That's some talk coming from a fella with a mouse for an avatar ... or should we say mole? DFA smells a double agent, here ... or is that his socks?

Eh? The hi-fi should only run you about, um, let's see here ... a little under six thousand dollars. Just look under the couch cushions, you'll turn up a few extra ducats!

Someone's speaking DFA's language! Clip 'em up! Hee-yaaaa!

Who else is going to have such a hardcore gun-lobbyist loafing about the hallowed halls of our nation's capitol with enough money to make Christmas cards? Oh, and you and Trask are cordially invited to go fuck each other with sweaty vigor! Toodle-oo!

DFA will second or third or fifteenth the suggestion for fine cutlery. In fact, Dr. Flash Amazing just purchased a Henckels 5-star 8" Chef's knife and 4" parer for his mom, both of which were wicked on sale at Meier und Frank (got the two for less than the original cost of the chef's blade -- choice deal!). And one of them electric sharpeners to go with it is nice, too. One of the kitchens DFA used to work in had one of those, and it was great to be able to run it through the sharpener real quick so your knife was always shaveable-sharp. And then there's always the joy of fine audio: Perhaps the Arcam DiVA CD92: Paired with the fabulous DiVA A85 integrated amplifier: And a pair of the acclaimed Meadowlark Ospreys to round it all out: Yummy! Bring on the tunes!

Your NRA dollars hard at work! What a swell appropriation of funds!

You're just saying that, you cold-hearted snake! (Yes, that's supposed to get that Paula Abdul song stuck in your head ... bwa ha ha ha haaa!)

Looks like a walkup. *yaaawwwnnn* And where are the bolts?

You don't wanna find out, bubba.

Challenge to Sisu So-sue-me: Insult Dr. Flash Amazing without using the term "butt nugget." DFA realizes it's sort of an unstoppable force/immovable object kind of challenge, but give it a whirl anyway.

While Dr. Flash Amazing is loath to get into a verbal tangle with Mr. Goat, in the Doctor goes anyway, against his better judgement ... Goat, just a couple things. First, regarding your mention of beam weapons (about which, it should be noted, DFA knows nothing but what he's inferred from your post), sure, they might make a great defensive weapon -- until enemy X starts bringing mayhem with their own beam weapons. Can you see how this shit might escalate quickly to us needing a new defense? And regarding it being beside the point that missile defense won't work against a suitcase (or, implicitly, the proverbial box-cutter-weilding terrorist, etc.), it is absolutely not beside the point. That is the point. Our man in the Oval Office (Texan, salt and pepper hair, jumbles words on occasion -- you've seen him) made a great display of our commitment to the war on terrorism, and how we needed to develop new defenses to combat this new kind of threat. Well, guess what? George got his Department of Prying and Witch Hunts ... err, Homeland Security, which seems like it's targeted toward this new threat, in if not a new way at least a consolidated way (but that's another thread, no? Yes.). Shooting missiles outta the sky with other missiles doesn't really address the postulations previously purveyed by El Presidente. Not only that, but it is widely accepted (at least according to the article DFA read, which cited a couple different sources who were actually involved in government and or defense) that the missile defense system is idiot simple to effectively outfox. You mention that we should simply more missile defense stuff available to remedy this situation, but we're already dumping $45 billion dollars on this project. Obviously, this isn't cheap hardware we're talking about. What happens to the cost of it when you multiply the amount of that uncheap hardware by ten? Lastly, DFA will pose to you the same question he posed to Greg regarding this. Since this defense technique has been repeatedly and historically proven to be easily defeatable and not even 100% reliable at that, why do you find it so viable? Given your fanatical need for indisputable proof of something like human influence on global warming before you'll agree that fuel standards should be increased, which is bound to cost far less than 45 billion bucks, how is it that you can so enthusiastically embrace this relatively shaky technology? Fuck, man, that was way too long! Look what you made the Doctor do! LOOK!

You win Powerball tonight, you better be taking all of us with you, ya cheapskate!

Vote Dr. Flash Amazing for cc.com Sprayer of the Year or suffer the fucking consequences. Grr grr, aggro aggro!