Off_White

The inevitable humor compendium makes it's rounds, so I post it here for your entertainment... "The Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS) "Good news ladies and gentleman, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction … It's Dick Cheney." * * * "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." * * * "Honestly, I don't know what all of the fuss is about. What's more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?" * * * "The guy who got gunned down is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet." * * * From "Cheney's Excuses," Monday night's Top 10 list: "I thought the guy was trying to go gay cowboy on me." "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (Comedy Central) A partial transcript: Jon Stewart: "Yes, as you've just heard, a near-tragedy over the weekend in south Texas. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt at a political supporter's ranch. Making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting VP since Alexander Hamilton. "Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird. * * * The other player in the drama? Ranch owner and eyewitness Katharine Armstrong. Katharine Armstrong: "We were shooting a covey of quail. The vice president and two others got out of the car to walk up the covey." Jon Stewart: "What kind of hunting story begins with getting out of your car? As I sighted the great beast before us, my shaking hands could barely engage the parking brake. Slowly, I turned off the A/C and silenced my sub-woofers…" * * * Katharine Armstrong: "A bird flushed. The vice president took aim at the bird and shot and unfortunately, Mr. Whittington was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty well." Jon Stewart: "Peppered. There you have it. Harry Whittington, seasoned to within an inch of his life. * * * Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it? Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. "And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face." Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?" Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak." Jon Stewart: "That's horrible." Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs. Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob." Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero. Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?" Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people … to get him some sort of mask." "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (ABC) Among the jokes in consideration for Monday's telecast: "It's part of the president's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78, kablamo." * * * "Luckily, the guy he shot was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to the troops." * * * "You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, 6 more weeks of winter." "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" (NBC) "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C. Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear." * * * "When people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%" * * * "After he shot the guy, he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' " * * * "Something I just found out today about the incident. Do you know that Dick Cheney tortured the guy for a half hour before he shot him?" * * * "Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton."

I'm very sorry sir, but if you're going to insist on mixing alcohol with your muscle relaxants, I'm going to have to cut you off. Woohoo indeed.

That's cool, looks like she's going on another multi-month climbing road trip, she deserves to have her thread hijacked.

Nisqually-Gibraltar chute

I kicked this thread to Spray. You've gotta develop a more deft touch if you want to troll effectively. C-

Jay_B and Dave Schuldt on the same page. Now that's bi-partisan opposition.

No, it is, you're just insufficiently in the loop.

Jay_B on the right, crazyjizzy on the left?

As of today, there are about four routes on the right side that are dry enough. The handrail at the top of Virgins is wet, and it's gonna be wet behind the upper flake on the Governor. Calvin and Hobbes is dry as a bone, and Rosy Boa looks good too.

Somewhere or other I read a screed advising against the daisy chain scenario, suggesting something about the system being too static and resulting in surprisingly high forces on your body in very small falls. I only sort of skimmed it, since I'm not an aid climber, but I think they were talking about testing pieces while clipped to the lower piece with your daisy? Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

That's a fair summation of my viewpoint, thanks for posting that one Jay.

I haven't a clue how the big names do it, I'd imagine there's a significant bit of free solo while trailing a rope, with the ability to set up a self belay when things get too crazy. Sort of like soloing the NR of Stuart, and wanting to rope solo the Gendarme pitches, just many notches in difficulty and seriousness higher. Traditional fully self belayed solo, like folks do on El Cap, seems much too slow to apply to big mountains where the "speed is safety" cliche largely holds true. I'd imagine your big alpine self belay system would need to be simple, light, and somewhat functional in storm, so fancy dan devices are probably not the ticket. If you do something like this, be sure and take pictures of your feet and post them here.

I agree. This wasn't posted in spray, so alright already with the volleyball pics.

Maybe this will bring back the Zipless Fuck and other fun things from the seventies...

You're as hopeful as Chris, who called yesterday. I dunno, things are quite wet, but predictably Calvin & Hobbes is almost ready; lower slab is damp and the roof at the crux is soaked and dripping on some key holds. Maybe by the weekend, if it doesn't rain, but we've had a LOT of water out here over the last month and the hill above the crag is pretty saturated.

Yeah, and maybe a bunch of native tribes will finally rise up, those Roadrunner cartoons were pretty disrespectful of Coyote.

This is much worse and way creepier than any random death in the mountains.

Oh, but surely now you've gone too far and doom looms for us all.

I've started answering my phone by saying "Death to the Great Satan"

leaky old fred's lips

Make sure you give Necro your expected return time.

Hah, I've got that one on VHS, one of my favorite christmas presents ever!

I put a John Scurlock photo up as the background on my desktop, and now life seems brighter, or maybe that's the sunshine...

Danish are tasty, but fattening.

unstuck on 2/7/06, until someone does something silly enough to merit a repeat visit from the common sense fairy.