ivan

"i never felt sorry for myself after i lost the use of my legs - some chinaman stole them from me in korea!"

holy shit, i even figued out how to use the youtube "top floor, bottom buzzer" by morphine is the only decent part of the soundtrack from this little gem [video:youtube]

Trip: Index - Aid-Solo City Park/Sloe Children - C1 Date: 6/29/2009 Trip Report: lungsore and whooped, tangled in febrile webs sucking out my very soul, i returned to tvash's lair sunday evening after a humiliating retreat from thin red line - tvash, who had been pre-soakign his aging testicles in icewater en route home in preparation for a night of no-chastity w/ a stable-full of nubile sodomites, did not out of christian-charity ask me to vacate his abode, but the impending moans and screams of satiation implored me to seek a saner shelter to salve my wounded constitution so to joshk's it was - we were to head off for the alpine soon, but first he was taking an old buddy car-camping, as occasionally getting wasted in the woods shows us the flip side of getting wasted sitting around our living rooms - i needed to find something to do other than sit around a yuppie-abattoir w/ a yellow-eyed, cat noir, but nothing too strenous that would find me wasted my whole month long vacation in lingering sickness - so why not something on the lower town walls of index? previously i'd only been to the upper walls and knew the walk was beyond me, especially w/ overnight shit and aid-solo gear - stealing josh's copy of "sky valley rock" (curiously unused ) i set out after josh departed the scene monday morning, be suring to screw my head on nice n' tight before exposing meself to torrid seattle area rush hour traffic after a shitty BK breakfeast and a perky chat w/ the family, a comfortable continent away, i was arrived in the luxorious, opulent abode of index - i wandered around w/ the guide until i found somethign promising, the ancient classic of "city park" a truly excellent candidate for a solo-aid climb - perfect gear placements at the base for upperward pulls and a short bolt ladder to stimulating, nuts-only C1 the soundtrack on my bigblaster - inxs' first LP - auto-erotic asphyixators alwasy do it for me cool crack - i really only used 3 nuts the whole way, constantly cleanign and replacing them back on the ground after rapping my haul line, having cleaned a bit of gear on the way down the second pitch went smooth as well, with some fun free climibng thrown in for the aid-soler (just remember to feed the gri-gri monster first!) on the city benches, with evening setting in and sickness settled over me, i set up my camp on the first bolt of "giant sized baby-thing", figuring that'd keep me out of the way if anybody below was feeling like doing sloe children in the twilight - no takers though to interupt the continous pimpfest that ensued - good christ, i thought, did i really only bring a half-liter of merlot? i'm not thaaaat sick... a sweet place for a solo ledge - no room for more really - a fine ledge to set your favorite distractions too, mine including "salt" and a flagoon of paltry wine - many thanks to moof, who loaned me the old fish-ledge i used w/ him on "mideast crisis" in yosylum not a bad bedroom view a parcel of dead soldiers a diaphonous dish-rag on the glooming peaks of the eastern hills ah, macro-setting, how i love you! now how did i manage to fuck my finger up this much while wearign gloves? moon set over index a long dark teatime of the soul - towards 9 an unearthly explosion from the 2 came roiling over the hills - thick black smoke billowed into the sky until all color faded from the night - emergency vehicles sped up and down, but by the morrow the blackened corpses cared for and mighty commerce once again enabled - i woke after a night of amorous ambitions, plagued by gypsy dreams, refreshed and sun-brightened - collapsed my bullshit and managed to finish sloe children and return to the anchor as the first party of the day arrived at my ledge what a route sloe children must be to free! sweet jesus, bring something like a dozen yellow and red aliens? for the aid-solist, a tiny nut was needed for the last move onto the anchor ledge met up w/ friends of friends at the base - hightimes ensued - adjurned to the skykomish below the bridge for extended debauchery - then the long highway home back to josh and the Next Adventure! Gear Notes: p1 - offset small to medium nutz p2 - handsized gear p3 - all the .5 and below cams you can carry, plus a tiny aid nut for the top and 2 .75s - i also found a blue/green and green/yellow hybrid alien very handy at the very top and bottom Approach Notes: over the traintracks and through the spooky forest

i just figured out on my last trip too that this system works even better w/ a full-on heavy leather glove for the pull-hand - instead of having to grasp the rope, which is tiring after awhile and still produces blisters and calluses even with 3/4 gloves, w/ a full heavy leather glove you can just wrap the rope around your hand a couple times per stroke, relieving hte need to grasp the rope or wear any one part of your hand

hell, even ivan was there after spending the night at the top of pitch 2 of city park

but pictures, man, pictures!

dude, you don't understand - like , when i got my passport 9 years ago so i could go to the savage land of jamaica for my honeymoon, where i spent hte whole week in an armed enclave w/ other decadent god-fearing folk like myself- like, it SNOWED - in virginia! and the power went out, like, for a whole day - my photo still shows it almost decade later - all greasy and horny - it was awful! my first passport i've kept - has a stamp from checkpoint charlie (the other side of which my boy scout troop lost a scout in!)

??? ummmmm ... what's the big deal about getting a passport in the states? Do they make it crazy hard, or what? Is there some big test you have to pass, or is there like a $1000 fee, or maybe you have to apply in person at an office in Washington DC that's only open for 15 minutes in the early morning of the second Tuesday of every fifth month? Here's your solution: a) get passport b) go traveling c) renew passport when it expires d) keep traveling I've always had a passport in the drawer ever since finishing high school, just in case I wanted to go somewhere. It's pretty simple. Really. so i'm thinking...we use the 7th cav to conquer, rape n' pillage canada (or at least BC), we don't need to worry about passports to squamish anymore?

better yet, mix up some caipirinhas! sounds tasty, but harder to come by here in the land of the non-brazilian wax?

it don't matter how shitty your wine is - in blazing heat of summer, add some fruit juice/chunks and crushed ice to whatever old filth grape-piss you find lying aroudn and you have a far superior beverage to any beer for withstanding the awfulness of the Enraged Orange Overlord

wise king do not grieve it is always better to avenge dear ones than to indulge in mourning for every one of us living in this world means waiting for our end let he who can achieve glory before death when a warrior is gone that will be his best and only bulwark

"truth means nothing to a women, delmar - the triumph of the subjective! remember that one simple precept and your time w/ me will not have been ill-spent!" so did you get the delorean up to 88 mph and steal marilyn monroe? hawt! but does she climb hotel room walls?

i thought it appropriate, as whitman was also a phreak, especially in the fetish for little boys deparmtent, but also a mega-popular poet, the rock-star art of the day

so did you keep that pair of drawers or not?

blah! woulda gone all the way the first time, i've just never felt that shitty waking up in the mtns - tvash was particularily pleased w/ the giant puddle of mucus i'd accumulated over the night next to my bivy the best strategy for me on this route would appear to be arriving at the pass early monring on day 1, fixing to pitch 4, bivyign at the car, then doing the rest of the route in a day - hauling overnight stuff harshes on my mellow and the pitches above m'n'm would suck w/ a bunch of weight plenty of fixed gear to make the first 4 pitches mellow - loved my borrowed hybrid aliens and used them relentlessly - the first pitch is rather enigmatic and seems easiest to start right of the obvious anchor chains, then traverse left on an easy ledge to a bolted route that heads up there - the bolted route is rather easy if you already have your aid head on - the loose block section on pitch 3 blows, especially as it led me to a blind #3 placment around the corner, and somehow above the frapping anchor? i don't understand how you'd reach that pitch 3 top anchor w/o fucking your second - at any rate, i continued on and climbed the first half of pitch 4, setting up an anchor on a slung block and bunch of aliens before bringing pat up. will probalby be a more enjoyalbe climb too when its not ballz cold up there!

dude, how can you not enjoy a mountain and a route that attracts so many high-powered mutants that god never even considered mass producing? remember that dude a decade ago that spent 3 days chopping his way up the sunshine route w/ a bowie knife in blue jeans n' cowboy boots only to fall ass over teakettle down the southside? seeing folks like that is like seeing the beating, bleeding heart of the baby-jesus lord himself!

I don't know if I've got ANY friends that I'd be comfy taking up Cooper Spur for their first mtn. climb. Yikes! nonsense - perfect route for cherries - goddamit this is what climbing a mountain is! little old ladies did it in woolen knickers w/ alpenstaves in the by-gone-days-of-filth so shut the fuck and get up there! best route for all the reaosn listed - wilderness feel, solitutude, views, etc.

the summer is off to a nice start, and plenty of high-pressure done come!

goddamn i heart my hardon-self! can medical science please get w/ the whole human cloning thing soon so i can have gay-incestal-child-sex w/ meself? still coughing up razorblades - maybe i should quit smoking light-bulbs and old-shopvac bag contents? spent last night on the city benches at index after climbing city park - did sloe children this morning after sleeping on a portaledge on route, like a dirty hi-tech hobo - heard a loud explosion and watched billowing clouds off on the 2 until it grew to dark - cops coming and going for a while - figured armagedeon was upon us and drank the last of my wine - bathed this afternoon in the mighty skykomish and sat a while in the sun now off to dildorado!

it's always nice when stereotypes bump into reality

hey, it's the jackson family - pretty good odds that'll happen, right?

from a pederast i far preferred, on the present subject: The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab and my loitering. I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable, I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world. The last scud of day holds back for me, It flings my likeness after the rest and true as any on the shadow'd wilds, It coaxes me to the vapor and the dusk. I depart as air, I shake my white locks at the runaway sun, I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags. I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love, If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles. You will hardly know who I am or what I mean, But I shall be good health to you nevertheless, And filter and fibre your blood. Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged, Missing me one place search another, I stop somewhere waiting for you.

aliens can't die i prefer to think of MJ as battling evil...in another dimension...in a speedo and covered in cotton candy!

i'll say "i knew you when..."

kevbone says goodbye, jacko dies....connection?