ivan

folks on the ground coulnd't resist the tempation to document the immensity of our asses that's the crack w/ no name left of smooth dancer dirty double overhang to the right - reckon that's next...

Trip: Bacon Rawkz - Smooooth Dancer - 5.9 A2 Date: 8/29/2010 Trip Report: a long n' forlorn summer, haplessly fucked as often as misfortune allowed - foolish n' pride-wrought failure in yosemite to start, followed by an ill-advised trip to canuckistan that ended in many hours sitting in The Man's Dark Antechamber on both sides of the border, feverishly sweating fear bullets as wretched curs swirled around our ride - further aggravations as weather forecasts wrecked series of plans to do blake's dark-bonaza traverse it was after the 3rd such n cascade aspiration plan had been taken it the ass under a prognostication that portended ruinius t-storms of the east side and endless deluges on the w side for days on end that i retired in sad desperation to the Bacon Wand - partnerless, shoulder snapped n' sad after a dod's jaunt a few weeks earlier, i didn't much feel like soloing the corner and though a solo-aid creep more the thing to salve the soul looking at the olson map i've stapled to my wall, i looked for lines that hadn't gotten the pink-highligher hit yet - a blankness between The Crack W/ No Name and The Ducthman clearly needed mending Smooth Dancer - climbed in the year of my birth, 36 years ago - from the ground, it sure didn't look like anyone had put foot to it since those wild n' heady days of the dying nixon administration - the base alone a moldering shit pile of moss n' fornicating ants looking up at the route (left of the biggest roof) it was clear the thing would be a chore - no midpt anchor either - according to the olson guide it had never been freed, and w/ the classic 5.9 a2 rating, i figured some nailing would be required - turned out, if you like pounding pins, this would the iron afficiando's best route at beacon - somethign like 80% of the gear is old-skewl piton poking ended up spending several days scraping moss n' working up to under the big roof - ideal work for soloing and oddly entertaining w/ a headful of clean air n' a mp3 player full of music i've heard so goddamn much now i find meself ocassionally contemplating a self-lobotomy w/ my hammer - miker threw in a hand for a couple hrs, fortunately leaving me a couple offset cams for the anchor he lowered off on - they proved useful later on too a week trip to colorado to take the little people to the grandparents was followed by a finally succesful trip to dark peak, the traverse truncated to just the lone peak by time n weather constraints - a fine party in itself, 4 bacchnalian days buskwacking about - tvash finished his 100 highpts (where's the tr beyotch?!) so it was the weeked b4 back to school and preparing to battle the bitches - first priority i reckoned was to get a decent midpt anchor in, as the current contraption of sketchy cams was shit for taking a solo fall - looked up the FA crew from '74 - some guy named alan kearney, sounded kinda familiar - turns out he's got a website n' everything n' has been doing a few things since smooth dancer - wrote him to ask permission for an anchor - a bemused response roughly equivalent to hugh heffner granting leave to a mere mortal to finger a chick he had back when he was 13 kyle came along, a decision which he well had time to regret... the first pitch all cleaned up, a rope ready to jug set up the new anchor valley-style - 3 bolts, 2 rap-hangers, flat part of the wall, just below the roof - roughly the same height and just a few columns away from the ground zero anchor, so a phat party to be had w/ parties on each route, monkey paw thrown between them to shuttle the keg to n' fro kyle comes along whaaaaa? the earth spun on its axis for quite a ways while the 2nd pitch went down - kyle pissed twice - parties came n' went on blownout, dods, blood sweat n' semen, etc. - an ecstasy of eye fucking - a kb-thick, usually crappy crack covered in vines n' moss n' centuries of growth - pin after pin, all tied off n' half in - the occasional nut or cam to allow a bit of relaxation - grew damn weary of the whole endeavor but eventually realized i'd come too high to lower off - clipping blackberry bushes on lead! and eventually the top - joe's replaced anchors on grassy ledges a happy sight covered in crap, mis ojos felt like traci lords on the verge of a deep n' soulful climax - you know you've been mucking around in the shit when yer teeth are dirty chopped a path from the rare-visited anchor over to grassy ledges proper while kyle roused himself from his day-long slumber - he seemed to enjoy the old timer flashbag of funking pins out hairless monkey w/ hammer the day done, we made our way down the dutchman and packed up in the gloaming, hastening to reach the lot in time for a few laughs w/ kenny n' company - steve fortiously emerged from the inky-black trail as i sat on the concrete, sorting gear - he underwrote the restoration right nice w/ the loaner of brandnew lost arrows n' knifeblades, all of whihc i returned right bent from my fumble-handed fear-pounding so now the vernal season has reached its end, leaving me precious little to show for it, save one more pink line on a silly map on the wall - realize its in vain that i recommend the route to the portland bound adventure-seekers, but it is a complete oddity for beacon and enjoyable - where else can you do such an ascent in the ways of the ancients? no free ascent yet notched, so let's see the crazy tough ballet shoe bitches get on it, hammers in hand! Gear Notes: the iron, don't forget the guatamalaen smokes! not too much clean gear - offset nuts, brassies, offset cams nice (especially blue/green, red/yellow alien), 00 metolious, doubles of cams from 0 metollius to #2 camalots, 1 #3, 1 c4 #4

odds that moslems taste like pork?

naw, she is

slide?

does that mean we get to spelunk in the morlock's cave now?

pictures?

pigs don't like to see folks having fun guess if i was gonna en dup bacon i might have the same drab outlook ever tell the story of spending a night on dinner ledge w/ 2 yos rangers?

yes - why shouldn't it? polygamy shouldn't be confused w/ raping 12 year olds

know at least one denizen of this board who rocks the utilikilt

aid climber w/o a drug addiction or personality disorder?!? good luck!

While this debate was going on, Xerxes sent a mounted spy to observe the Greeks, and note how many they were, and see what they were doing. He had heard, before he came out of Thessaly, that a few men were assembled at this place, and that at their head were certain Lacedaemonians, under Leonidas, a descendant of Hercules. The horseman rode up to the camp, and looked about him, but did not see the whole army; for such as were on the further side of the wall (which had been rebuilt and was now carefully guarded) it was not possible for him to behold; but he observed those on the outside, who were encamped in front of the rampart. It chanced that at this time the Lacedaemonians held the outer guard, and were seen by the spy, some of them engaged in gymnastic exercises, others combing their long hair. At this the spy greatly marvelled, but he counted their number, and when he had taken accurate note of everything, he rode back quietly; for no one pursued after him, nor paid any heed to his visit. So he returned, and told Xerxes all that he had seen. Upon this, Xerxes, who had no means of surmising the truth - namely, that the Spartans were preparing to do or die manfully - but thought it laughable that they should be engaged in such employments, sent and called to his presence Demaratus the son of Ariston, who still remained with the army. When he appeared, Xerxes told him all that he had heard, and questioned him concerning the news, since he was anxious to understand the meaning of such behaviour on the part of the Spartans. Then Demaratus said - "I spake to thee, O king! concerning these men long since, when we had but just begun our march upon Greece; thou, however, didst only laugh at my words, when I told thee of all this, which I saw would come to pass. Earnestly do I struggle at all times to speak truth to thee, sire; and now listen to it once more. These men have come to dispute the pass with us; and it is for this that they are now making ready. 'Tis their custom, when they are about to hazard their lives, to adorn their heads with care. Be assured, however, that if thou canst subdue the men who are here and the Lacedaemonians who remain in Sparta, there is no other nation in all the world which will venture to lift a hand in their defence. Thou hast now to deal with the first kingdom and town in Greece, and with the bravest men."

what species of critter doesn't have gays? jeebus, male chimps routinely suck cock! not that i have personal experience...

By not stating the fact that I am not a climbing robot but a human being. gotta take oleg next time - partners who've been friends for a long time

coming from you that is true considering you freely admit you go left at the bolt. a climb is contrived if you can super-easily avoid the difficulty that you hang the rating on - skipping the .10 part of p4 is so easy i imagine must folks don't even realize it could be harder

yes, the interwebs are clearly the place to let one's diction n' grammar shine highly contrived to call yw 5.10, even 5.9 really

how did she misrepresent? she's done a # of tr's on here lately...

how many times have ya'll kicked the rating of yw aroudn?

agreed - dick move to harsh on your partner - sounds like the pair of you fucked up the approach if it took 7 hrs - isn't it pretty late season to be doing the price anyway?

i agree parking is a concern - i'd hope that, in the end, both these areas could be turned into a park and sensible parking established - guidebooks help turn the area into an established and signficant area, worthy of protection, right?

yer such a doooowner man i rarely climb at either spot so don't much care how many folks are there - fs's much more trad, so i doubt it'd be as fucked silly as ozone are you opposed to a trail solely b/c of increased traffic? i thought the redo of 14 was pushing the road away from these 2 crags? would seem to be leaving pavemetn behind to park at - of course the actual period of construction would likely complicate parking.

a nice trail connecting the two sites and a renovation to 14 taking into account the benevolent use of the area would be good publication is of course an ego thing but that doesn't mean its bad - what's wrong w/ being proud of a route you put up and wanting to share it w/ others? the parking situation can be resolved easily enough if they are in fact going to be seriously adding to the existing road and if it is easy to move between the two locations. fwiw, i prefered "bonezone"

consult the big lebowski dood

seems like a lot more snow on the approach slabs than when i did it a few years back - dem global warming types really must be off their rockers?