allthumbs

A woman recently lost her husband. Their marriage had been a very lousy one, and she was relieved that he was finally gone. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, "You know that fur coat you promised me?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Bending down low she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you? Well.... here it comes..."

No shit. You like boys don't you Layton?

I'm Mick Jagger, and don't try to tell me otherwise. What's the best speakers to buy?

quote: Originally posted by vegetablebelay: Ummmm, I don't know - does he suck? why do you ask? Feeling lonely?

quote: Originally posted by erik: i hope that woman burns in hell....... let's hope justice is served for a change.

quote: Originally posted by moron: Is somebody giving away Baby Ruths? I like Baby Ruths, mmmmmmm. Sure, grab it right here > [ 03-08-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

Who the hell are you addressing that to? Just everyone in general, or do you have a particular target in mind? hehehe

Veggie -- A friend of mine sent me this after I got a steady gurl: List of Things to Do With Your Blow Up Doll Now 1 Hold your beer in one of the many "love orifices" 2 Ride on your motorcycle with the doll on the back 3 Access the car-pool lane on the local freeway 4 Lay it on the train tracks, Wait for excitement to happen 5 Send to a friend, see if they mention it or if they suddenly start spending evenings with a mysterious new "friend" 6 Put Baby Ruth Candy Bar in Rear "Love Orifice" Leave in the sun 7 Dare friends to eat Baby Ruth 8 Fill with Helium, carry around attached to a string 9 Bring Helium filled doll to post office. Tell clerk you want to ship it to Japan and that they owe you money 10 Makes a good scarecrow

better throw in a couple fleshlites for good measure.

Sparky's got the gift. All hail !!! ziggy zoggy ziggy zoggy oi oi oi !!! Y'all take a deep whiff-o dis

Many people have asked me, "trask, is your dick really as small as you say it is?" Of course not! I often employ a literary device called "hyperbole" for comedic effect. For example, when I call George W. Bush a "coked-up monkey cannibal", I am simply referencing current news stories in an intentionally exaggerated fashion in order to poke fun at this lovable wife-swapping redneck reefer-addict. It's all in fun -- it's all good. Blow me Veggieboy.

Thanks for the answers. I'll talk to a good doctor and consider it seriously. It would be nice to wake up Sunday morning and see how mangy the coyote next to me really is.

quote: Originally posted by vegetablebelay: Don't go away mad Trask. Who's mad? Not me chodelicker...

You know Vegieboy, I'm at work. Unfortunately that means I have to do some work from time to time. Unlike you I am not an unemployed pensioner with no life outside this board. I'm so sorry you've had to play with yourself for the last hour or so, I thought you'd be used to playing with yourself by now. Lick this, you know you like it...

Who cares on these message boards? Not this pilgrim. In business, yes, get it right or don't expect me to read it.

jpeg's don't work??? [ 03-08-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

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I love chili. I even bring it along on hiking trips. For those of you who have lived in Texas as I have , you know how True this is! They actually have a chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome! I know this isn't about climbing, but it's kinda funny and I thought you guys would appreciate it. INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. CHILI #2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI #3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now: Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all the beer. CHILI#4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. Bitch is starting to look HOT just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks! CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like **** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 LESTER'S LAST OF THE RED-HOT LOVER'S CHILI JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild or hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili? trask

I'm sick of wearing contacts. Have any of you bums done the lazer surgery thing? I'm strongly considering it, but would like to hear from anyone that's had it done. I don't climb on anything but the neighbor girl so I'm not worried about high altitude affects. [ 03-08-2002: Message edited by: trask ]

quote: Originally posted by MysticNacho: [QB]I have two orders of business regarding Mr. Dru.QB] I tried to read your long, boring, not funny post about Dru. You are an idiot. Way to many drugs. Way out there. Are you sure you and Moron aren't related?

quote: Originally posted by Dru: so what comes next in that list, trask, you? why not? I'll wait until you're finished though.

Veggieboy got a new rifle, so he wentbear hunting. He saw a small blackbear and shot it. He felt a tap on hisshoulder. He turned around and came faceto face with a big black bear.The bear said, "you've got two choices, I maul you, or we have rough sex". Veggie decided to bend over. He was sore for two weeks, he recoveredand vowed revenge. He headed out onanother trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Again there was a tap on his shoulder. This time it was a huge grizzlybear. The grizzly said "you made a big misteak, you've got two choices, either Imaul you to death or we have rough sex". Veggie thought it might be better to complywith the bears wishes, and bent over... Although it it was a couple of months,Veggie recovered. He was outraged, he decided to find the grizzly and shoot himnot once but several times, just to make sure he was dead. Feeling rather giddy, he didn't notice a really, really big polar bear behind him. The bear finally got his attention and said to Veggie, "Admit it Veg, you don'treally come here for the hunting, do you?"

quote: Originally posted by whillans: Go tell it to Larson wimpy boy blow me, asseyes

I have an idea. Why not just lay off the shit while visiting a foreign country. Or would that put some of you into withdrawls? If so, I wouldn't want you holdin' my rope.

[ 03-07-2002: Message edited by: trask ]