specialed

Goin up to solo Beckey Route on Lib Bell early season. There's a couple of Mountie types just getting off the Beckey at the Col with crampons, ice axes, plastic boots, helmets, tons of gore-tex and schoeeler, big packs, and all sorts of gear. I'm in shorts and sneakers and a poly-pro tied around my waste. I overhear them going, "Look at this yahoo, oh my god." I look over and there staring at me with the utmost concern. They totally thought I was some lost hiker and they were going to have to rescue me. So I proceed to slip my cobras on and start climbing. After I do the route and downclimb the rap route by the time they get all there gear packed and pass them before they even start hiking out I think they were ready to shit a brick. Sorry for the inherent chest-beating, just thought it was funny as hell

This here's the end of the line, though I wouldn't want to be in front.

I can't really talk shit. I read that book cover-to-cover when I was 13 and a weakling-wannabe trad climber / alpinist. Of course, not much has really changed, except that now I'm old enough to drink beer

It means you have sexual feelings for Richard Thimons.

That kid needs a Holiday in Cambodia.

"Mom, is it OK if Jimmy comes over for dinner tonight. He really likes the Stove Top stuffing you make."

God, that fuckin' reach move just kills me! A traversing dyno is just no fun.... That's the easy move bro. Its the two thin akward moves to the hand crack thats the brutalizer.

Did they clean them off and improve the landings too?

Richard Simmons says "Say no to HorseCock, Say yes to ManCock!"

...Straight Outa' Bellevue.

DIAMONDS AND RUST

You mean the condescending instructional voice, "Why don't you go ahead and hand be that peanut butter. Yeah its chunky because its got chunks of peanuts in it. What were gunna do here is go ahead and spread the peanut butter on the bagel using a combination of spreading techniques I learned on my various expeditions to Nepal to circumnavigate two of the biggest peaks in the sub-Himalayan ranges....blah, blah, blah, blah, strokefest, blah, blah, sheap, blah, me, blah, blah, me, blah, me, me, me, BASE, blah."

Snaffles don't discriminate. Probably the opposite. If the shoes were old stinky and salty the Snaffles would have been all over that shit, like a mountain goat on piss.

Light is right and in a day car to car is just a certain STYLE. It works well for some routes and not well for others. Usually its a style best used by dudes that are good-ass climbers or ones that are really high, or both. And its good to also know alot about the route and descent you are doing. If anything goes wrong you must bail, cause you don't have bivy gear, except for the type that is of the Rasta pursuasion. Nevertheless you can get fucked if you get injured but that goes with out saying.

Here's a fun game if you only have weather for a boring slog. Get ahold of two heart monitors and race up a route like Hood's south side. First one to the top wins. The catch is you have to keep your heart rate below a certain maximum the whole way. And if you could circumnavigate Hood in that style they might let you be a guide.

That barmaid at Gustav's was looking at me dude. actually if see knew you were a guide, she was wondering if you spoke hungarian, based or if mommy was going to pay your bill!!! Or she was wondering what the fuck you were doing with a popsicle up your piehole at a bar.

Its a tough assignment for the Fashion Police Mountain Division. But were just out there doing our job, trying to save people from themselves. Its a thankless assignment - busting the shorts over poly-pro and seattle sombrero look. But we have to keep it off the trails and glaciers!! Kids today can be easily influenced by a few careless Mountaineers. People say the War against bad Fashion is futile and there will always be a demand. But there not out here everyday bustin ass to better society. We need to start busting the suppliers, not just the wearers, but there's some corruption and payoffs going on in the higher ranks. You didn't hear that from me though kids. Now stay off the neon and stay in school!!

That's cause she wanted to know if you needed another beer

by Naughty by Nature is the best party song ever.

It's a portait of the spawn of Ron Jeremy, Savannah and John Holmes. ...and Dirk Diggler

I'm too sexy to be a mountain guide.

Is that actual size?

It seems most routes on Snow Crick are pretty adventurous - with some suspect dirty rock. Its funny as hell because all anyone climbs there is Outer Space or maybe Orbit. The other routes are good too just need to be cleaned up. Nice Erik! Sounds like a good time!!

Most mountain climbing is slow/boring anyway. Might as well make it more interesting by taking a neophyte with.

Yeah. That second pic to the bottom is defenitly where model worker is.