Dru

AFAIK

One time I found this internet bulletin board thingy about climbing and I started posting to it. FUCKING MEGA RETARDED!

I can't believe all the quality sprayt I missed just by going to an island with no internet access for 4 days!

Attempting to use a new avatar to troll with is smart. Using the same troll technique that got your last 10 avatars banned is STUPID.

Alpine ABCs: A is for Aid. There is no time to frig around trying a move free a million times if its faster to just pull on a sling or whatever. B is for Beta. Get as much info as you can ahead of time. Know where the descent is before you climb the mountain. C is for Conditions. If Conditions are good you will be a hero. If Conditions suck you might epic or Die. D is for Die. Lots of alpinists Die. It is the most dangerous part of climbing. E is for Epic. Epics can lead to death or internet Embarassment. F is for Fast. Speed is safety. G is for GriGri. Don't take one in the mountains. G is also for Gu. Learn to love the energy gels. H is for Hard. Alpine climbers like to think they are Hard so they eat Horsecock and try to emulate steve House. But Hard also indicates that what you can climb easily at the crag will seem very HARD indeed when wearing big boots and carrying an overnight pack and there are no bolts and the rock is bad. I is for Ibuprofen. After a 20 hour climb and a 6 hour descent back to your bivi you might want to pop Vitamin I. J is for Jumping Crevasses. An essential alpine skill. Don't fall in unless your name is Joe. K is for Knots. Alpine climbing uses more Knots than crag climbing does. I never see people tying in with a butterfly at the crag. L is for Light. If you are Loaded Lightly you can climb Fast. M is for Mountain. Alpine climbing is about these babies. N is for New Routes. Climbing New Routes is the essence of Alpinism. O is for Oxygen. As you go up it gets thinner. Learn to deal. Bottled O is for wankers and guided clients (suckers). P is for Precipitation. The alpinist's enemy and the skiiers friend. You will find wet rock and snow covered rock to be entirely new challenges. Q is for Questioning authority. Don't delegate your safety to others. Learn how to do everything and how to test everything. Trust no one. R is for Rock! Alpine climbing often involves Rock of questionable quality. When you fling some down, always yell. S is for skiing. A necessary evil in order to approach climbs. S is also for Seracs. Climbing under Seracs is often necessary, but always scary. How fast can you run up a 40 degree slope with a big pack on? T is for Trees. Alpinism begins above the treeline. Usually. Look out for mountains named Johannesburg. Long vegetated approaches are part of the game on the Coast and in the Cascades. If you dont like it, move to Chamonix where T stands for Telepherique. U is for Ultraviolet. Destroys your skin and degrades your nylon. V is for Varmints like snafflehounds bears and goats. W is for Water. Stay hydrated. At some point you will find that it is lighter to carry a stove and a pot and melt what you need than it is to carry liquid water. W is also for Whiteout. This is when the air is so full of frozen Water you have no idea Where you are. X is for X-rated. Scary and runout climbing is more often found in the alpine than anywhere else. Y is what people will ask you and what you will ask yourself. "Y, Y, Y did I say I want to climb this god damn mountain?" is a mantra often heard during epics. Z is for Z-pulley. Learn how to set one up.

Getting in an epic just so you can spoon with your hot partner is not RETARDED, but it sure makes you look desperate if that is the only way you get some!

This is what I mean "I didn't capture his death- I captured part of his life"

e·nam·el ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-nml) n. A vitreous, usually opaque, protective or decorative coating baked on metal, glass, or ceramic ware. An object having such a coating, as in a piece of cloisonné. A coating that dries to a hard glossy finish: nail enamel. A paint that dries to a hard glossy finish. Anatomy. The hard, calcareous substance covering the exposed portion of a tooth.

The next time Dan's Dreadful Direct gets retroed we will just get Ivan to aid it instead of sending Mitch up with the love bar.

You can always build a little mast and sail for it and set it afloat in a duck pond.

if there is no snow why wear gaitors at all?

This sport seems perfect for Dwayner!

T-A-illefer

Hey I think there's a new route to do on the Table, teacup handle, you guys better rush in there. Rock looks STELLAR and contour lines are close together

When they burned all those WMD s it changed the climate

T-a-ntalus? T-a-humming?

Olympus Stylus Epic is super light, small and water resistant as well

Remember when you were funny? I don't. Alzheimer's, huh Merv

Bring this back from the dead. WE need a new story.

red rocks is for christmas to easter, not for life!