A man walks into a bar...

[Jim]

....and the bartender says "Hey, what are you doing with that amphibian on your shoulder?". Guy says "Oh, that's my pet, Tiny"

Bartender "Why do you call him Tiny?" Guy "Because he's minute"

 

Get it? Ecologist humor.

Next

[Phil K]

Pirate walks into a bar, says "Arrrr gimmie a beer."

 

Barkeep pours him a pint, and as he hands it over asks "Hey, ahhh, I couldn't help but notice that you've got a steering wheel shoved into the front of your breeches. That don't look too comfortable."

 

"Arrr it's drivin' me nuts."

 

 

[ivan]

...owh!!!

[ivan]

[ivan]

"A guy walks in.........ok, he did not walk in, he was already there. One guy says, 'I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?". The other guy says, "I don't know; what was her maiden name?'."

[Rad]

Bum #1 walks into a bar and asks for a toothpick. Bartender gives him one and the bum hurries out the door.

 

Bum #2 walks into a bar and asks for a toothpick. Bartender gives him one and the bum hurries out the door.

 

Bum #3 walks into a bar and asks for a straw. The Bartender says, "Don't you want a toothpick?" Bum#3: "Nope. Someone threw up in a parking lot, but all the good pieces are already gone, so I just need a straw."

[B Deleted_Beck]

I went to the doctor the other day for a problem I was having. About thirty seconds into the exam she stopped and suddenly declared, with finality, "you need to stop masturbating."

 

I was shocked, and bothered... I said, "why?"

 

She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

[G-spotter]

AND THEN THE PENGUIN BLUSHES AND SAYS "THAT'S JUST ICE CREAM!"

[G-spotter]

HAW HAW HAW!

[G-spotter]

[jon]

G-Spotter, Happy Poutine Week!

[matt_warfield]

sits down and reads a sign behind the bar "Tip your bartender: they have been helping ugly people get laid for decades"