Bronco Posted June 12, 2002 Posted June 12, 2002 Seems like someone posted this a long time ago, but anything worth doing, is worth doing.......redundantly. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! > >1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. > >1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! > >1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. > >1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. > >1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. > >1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. > >1. Crying is blackmail. > >1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! > >1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. > >1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? > >1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. > >1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. > >1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. > >1. Check your oil! Please. > >1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. > >1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. > >1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. > >1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. > >1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. > >1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. > >1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. > >1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. > >1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. > >1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. > >1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. > >1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. > >1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. > >1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. > >1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. > >Really. > >1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. > >1. You have enough clothes. > >1. You have too many shoes. > >1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.) > >1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. > >No, it doesn't matter which quiz. > >1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. > >1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping. >1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape. Quote
Greg_W Posted June 12, 2002 Posted June 12, 2002 Thank you. I will print this and include it as the main portion of my pre-nuptial agreement! Greg Quote
Greg_W Posted June 12, 2002 Posted June 12, 2002 Also, ladies, LADIES,...it's not the pants/dress/skirt that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat! Don't ask us!!! Greg Quote
thelawgoddess Posted June 12, 2002 Posted June 12, 2002 a few us those actually explained some stuff to me - thanks! Quote
Bronco Posted June 13, 2002 Author Posted June 13, 2002 My wife sent me this in retort: Men & women compliment each other by the unique traits we were each given: Women: Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home. They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, bikers, babes & your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in and they stand up against injustice. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and to get their family the right health care.They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.Women are honest, loyal and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.Women want to be the best for their family & their friends and themselves.Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends and all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. MEN: Men are good at lifting heavy shit and killing bugs. Quote
Dru Posted June 13, 2002 Posted June 13, 2002 Also navigation and leaving the toilet seat up. The latter promoting evaporation and hence cooling the house in an environmentally sensitive manner. [ 06-13-2002, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: Dru ] Quote
Greg_W Posted June 13, 2002 Posted June 13, 2002 quote: Originally posted by Bronco: My wife sent me this in retort: Men & women compliment each other by the unique traits we were each given: Women: Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home. They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, bikers, babes & your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in and they stand up against injustice. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and to get their family the right health care.They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.Women are honest, loyal and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.Women want to be the best for their family & their friends and themselves.Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends and all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. MEN: Men are good at lifting heavy shit and killing bugs. Tongue-in-cheek I am sure, but still bullshit. Greg Quote
iain Posted June 13, 2002 Posted June 13, 2002 A climber was once chewing on a Luna™ bar. I said, "You know, those are for women don't you?" He spat it out. I was dying! Quote
iain Posted June 13, 2002 Posted June 13, 2002 A climber was once chewing on a Luna™ bar. I said, "You know, those are for women don't you?" He spat it out. I was dying! Quote
jkrueger Posted June 14, 2002 Posted June 14, 2002 [ 06-28-2002, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: jkrueger ] Quote
gapertimmy Posted June 14, 2002 Posted June 14, 2002 LMAO, best part about this thread is that the people who lift heavy shit and kill bugs will prevail! UNITE Quote
Greg_W Posted June 14, 2002 Posted June 14, 2002 quote: Originally posted by sk: a mans work is done when his woman says it is Who unchained you from the stove? Has JK been alerted? Quote
Poseur Posted June 14, 2002 Posted June 14, 2002 I was thought my work was done when I roll over and fall asleep? Quote
gapertimmy Posted June 14, 2002 Posted June 14, 2002 quote: Originally posted by Poseur: I was thought my work was done when I roll over and fall asleep? HA! Quote
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