A Lady's Gotta Pee

[EdsPans]

I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't mind peeing in public. A trail in the gorge? Sure! Somewhere on my old college campus at night? I'm practically doin it right now! At the crag? Well I'd LOVE to, but there's this little thing called I-Have-To-Take-My-Harness-All-The-Way-Off-In-Order-To-Drop-Trou-Unless-I-Think-It's-Cool-To-Wear-A-Skirt-Climbing (hint: I don't). Seriously, this bugs me. It means I have to go farther away from the wall, hide more deeply in the foliage/bugs/rabid squirrel dens because it'll take me several full minutes to un-double-back, make sure I'm not accidentally peeing on and corroding some important sling, re-double-back, etc.

So Question #1 is: what do other ladies out there do? Besides just suck it up and not complain, because that one I know, and I've gotta say it kinda sucks. In my own personal Search for Answers, Internet told me about a variety of lady-projectile-peeing devices -- yeah, that's right, little plastic penises. They even come in pink! At first I scorned them, then I read the testimonials about my very harness predicament, and I had a brief moment of clarity in which I decided that I would HAVE that plastic penis, goddamnit! Then I once again went over the "I'd have to carry the plastic penis home with me after I've used it" issue, and regained some sanity. So Question #2, for men and women alike: thoughts? Would you use this thing? If you saw someone using it, say at a crag, would you call the police? Just checkin.

Question #3: The obvious other option is the Open-Crotch climbing pants. Like the fly unzips ALLLLL the way, for optimal squattage. As far as I know these don't yet exist, but it's admittedly kind of difficult to google. Last time I tried I just ended up with my mouse hovering over the "Confirm Plastic Penis Purchase" button and to be honest I'm not excited to go that route again soon. So I put it to you, ladies of climbing: would you wear these? Do they actually already exist? Have you home-sewn your own (we're a renaissance bunch)? Can I write to a gear company and promise that if they make these pants, my double-blind, controlled, public message board poll indicates that people will buy them like mad? Assuming they're suitably stylish and non-abraisive in the super-fly area?

Okay, cool then. Thank you and good night.

Edited January 19, 2008 by EdsPans

[Sol]

my wife has a similar device called a lady-j that she has never used but may someday.

 

she's been putting in her own crotch zippers on her pants and they've been working great. It actually improved her climbing on long routes because she wouldn't hold back her water intake and thus would stay hydrated and climbing faster/harder.

[high_on_rock]

I have climbed with numerous ladies who use them and swear by them.

[olyclimber]

i'm suprised crotch zippers aren't on the Paris runways...there is obvious sex appeal to them...but the obvious utilitarian nature as mentioned above definitely puts them over the top.

[catbirdseat]

You could also use a Freshette. REI carries them.

 

[OlympicMtnBoy]

When I used to do SAR they weren't that uncommon. So yes, people actually used em. You also might look at any of a variety of pants made for alpine or expedition climbing with a zipper seat (whatever you call it) for the very purpose you're needing. I've used that feature on my shell pants many times, dropping the leg loops of my harness and just holding stuff out of the way. I imagine it wouldn't be that much different for your elimination needs, a bit of practice and it's not so hard.

 

Why am I reading this thread anyways?!? :-)

[ketch]

Several of the females that I climb or kayak with like the freshette.

I personally have a great of respect for a lady that can fill a bottle using a freshette while sitting in a kayak.

 

On another note if you get into alpine stuff they are great for delaying the dredded trowser drop in subfreezing weather. They most versions can be used via existing fly.

[sirwoofalot]

You could also use a Freshette. REI carries them.

 

 

My wife tells she is not going back into the back country hiking or climbing with me until I kind find out how she can go pee with out peeing on her self.

 

Now that the subject of women peeing in the woods has come up, is this the answer I give my wife?

 

[Couloir]

The Freshette also doubles as a mini beerbong while you're driving.

[Sherri]

The Freshette also doubles as a mini beerbong while you're driving.

 

Best to keep a separate one for that purpose.

[fern]

wow. lots of guys are experts on women peeing.

 

those funnel things are gross. no way I am carrying that around.

 

just undo the quickrelease elastic legloop straps at the back and pull your pants down and do the business. You don't need to take your harness off. Or if you do, maybe you have the wrong harness. If this is going to be a deal-breaker for your outdoor adventuring I recommend a sessh in the change room at REI trying out various models and harness/pants combinations until you find a system that gives you the correct exposure without having to take it all off. Then maybe practice your hanging belay technique in your garage or something if that's gonna be another issue - rigging a temporary chest harness can sometimes be handy here, but it's totally possibly to do the deed free-hanging without messing with your tie-in or buckles at all.

 

Pee doesn't corrode slings.

[G-spotter]

I wonder if the original poster gets paid by the click for the pstyle link?

[sirwoofalot]

wow. lots of guys are experts on women peeing.

 

those funnel things are gross. no way I am carrying that around.

 

 

NOT ME! I don't know a dang thing about it!

 

In fact just the opposite. I need to tell my wife how ladies go pee in the woods with out peeing on yourself.

 

So, can you please enlighten me so I can tell my wife what she needs to know?

 

[fern]

your wife doesn't want to go in the woods at all and has found a convenient excuse with the pee question. Don't be so whipped and give her the obvious answer: Diapers.

 

 

[sirwoofalot]

your wife doesn't want to go in the woods at all and has found a convenient excuse with the pee question. Don't be so whipped and give her the obvious answer: Diapers.

 

 

No, she really wants to get out there. But pee running down her leg and boot is just to gross for her to deal with.

 

do you use diapers?

 

[EdsPans]

Wow, this is awesome. A bunch of guys who claim that all the women in their lives use these but not a single primary source, some guys who seem a little too into the whole pee thing, and a lady who tells me to suck it up (ps lady: your leg-strap technique makes a crapload of sense in my head, but I just feel like I would have tried that were it possible with my harness! Never fear though, it's consciously on the list now.). Somehow not quite the breakdown I was expecting. But awesome nonetheless. But maybe I'll have to keep looking into the plastic penii, if you all are claiming that they're great. I'm still kind of grossed out though.

And G-spotter, thanks for your kind thought that maybe I'm internet-savvy enough to know how to get paid by the click, but truly I just had no confidence that I could write any description as funny as the actual site itself, what with its purple background and happy, smiling pee-ers. I'll take down the link though, if it'd make you more comfortable.

To the man with the wife: it's not actually that hard, (assuming, you know, you're not wearing a harness. And stuff.). Just tell her to practice once in the backyard, close to a nice shower in case of catastrophe. She'll see that it's really not a big deal; pee doesn't so much touch any part of my legs, nor boots. It merely involves some squatting with an idaho-ian wide stance, some holding out of the way, and some trying to pee downhill. Do you want me to draw a diagram? Because I completely will. Some classy people might not love it though.

(Anyone else have the urge to get a group of girls together, walk into some bar men's room with a trough, pull out our plastic peeing devices and go at it? We'd make the WWeek for sure.)

 

[EdsPans]

Pee corrodes my desire to ever touch a sling that's been peed on though. Does that count?

[wfinley]

Count me as yet another one who can make the claim for the woman in my life. My wife uses one and while I won't say she loves it she won't ever go on extended climbing trip without one!

 

I used to climb with a lady who could write her name in the snow with one!!!

[Couloir]

Troll...from Portland.

[Dechristo]

A few Xmases ago, I gave three Freshettes to three women climbers in my life. Since, they've all been used and are favored in varying degrees, for varying purposes by all of them.

 

There are plenty of crotch-zip garments out there. It's suspect you're not familiar with any unless you're, like,...

 

a total n00b who needs to STFU.

[EdsPans]

did i not admit that i'm a "n00b" when i asked a "question," indicating that i don't know as much about the issue as i'd like to? sorry you hate learning so much. not sure plato or dali would approve.

[Dechristo]

I hate learning?

 

Again, there are plenty of crotch-zip garments out there. Are you simply looking for someone else to do your search work for you?

[sampdx]

I use the freshette, and swear by it. Perfect in the cold and at crags when there are people nearby and you don't want to whip down your pants. When you're done using it, rinse it out with a little snow or pour some water through it, and stuff it in a plastic bag to carry with you. When you get home, you can give it a good soak in soapy water. Not only is it more convenient, but it's much faster and easier than undoing leg loops or removing your harness and clothing altogether.

[pink]

say baby won't you be my dog.. and will be your tree..so you can be pee on me.

[dmarch]

Sounds like your harness might be the issue. I've never had a problem adjusting leg loops around to drop trow and pee, or other, without unroping, aka Fern's technique.