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Draft dodgers guide to Canada.

fear_and_greed

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fear_and_greed Gumby

fear_and_greed

Posted
Posted

With your confused president apparently dismissing the Iraq Study Groups recommendations of withdrawl in favour of adding more troops,

http://www.armytimes.com/story.php?f=1-292925-2435913.php

I can only see them coming from reinstituting the draft.

If you don't want to take part in the illegal occupation and expose yourself to the horrors of war then come to the draft dodgers country of choice, Canada.

Here's a few tidbits to help you out.

Make one of your first trips to a Tim Hortons or "Timmys" as the locals call it. Great donuts and not a place where the MP's will look for you.

When you buy groceries they will ask you "paper or plastic" which is not for a form of payment but which type of shopping bag you would prefer. A bag is also another name for a sack.

Not everyone up here says "eh" or is a "hoser" but after you meet a few hosers you will know how to insert eh after every sentence.

The only mainstream sport that matters is hockey. Baseball doesn't exist although many people wear basball hats.

Nobody has a gun so don't bring yours.

Less time is spent discussing politics because in the end the west always gets screwed anyway.

Having sex with farm animals is not viewed as appropriate behaviour here.

 

 

 

 

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tvashtarkatena Gumby

tvashtarkatena

Posted
Posted (edited)

We know about the 'paper or plastic' thing, and sacks down here hold testicles, but I have some other cross cultural questions:

 

When I need some real work done, I call a Mexican. When you need some real work done, do you call an American?

 

If I emigrate to Canada, will I HAVE to marry a gay person?

 

What, exactly, is behind Canada's obsession with beaver?

 

Canadians buy food at Overwaitea, and sandwiches at Wimpies. If I emigrate, will I also develop a self-esteem problem?

 

Canada seems free enough, yet all citizens are apparently required to sew little Canadian flags on their backpacks. What exactly does your constitution have to say on this issue?

 

I'm nervous about moving to a country that only has a couple of old seiners and the 'Snowbirds' for national defence. I'm also nervous that you spell 'defense' with a 'c'. Will your healthcare system provide the proper medication I need to regain my sense of well being?

 

Will I be able to start my own mega church in Canada, or is the market as glutted up there as it is down here?

 

Thank you for your time.

Edited by tvashtarkatena
Clavote Gumby

Clavote

Posted
Posted
With your confused president apparently dismissing the Iraq Study Groups recommendations of withdrawl in favour of adding more troops,

http://www.armytimes.com/story.php?f=1-292925-2435913.php

I can only see them coming from reinstituting the draft.

If you don't want to take part in the illegal occupation and expose yourself to the horrors of war then come to the draft dodgers country of choice, Canada.

Here's a few tidbits to help you out.

Make one of your first trips to a Tim Hortons or "Timmys" as the locals call it. Great donuts and not a place where the MP's will look for you.

When you buy groceries they will ask you "paper or plastic" which is not for a form of payment but which type of shopping bag you would prefer. A bag is also another name for a sack.

Not everyone up here says "eh" or is a "hoser" but after you meet a few hosers you will know how to insert eh after every sentence.

The only mainstream sport that matters is hockey. Baseball doesn't exist although many people wear basball hats.

Nobody has a gun so don't bring yours.

Less time is spent discussing politics because in the end the west always gets screwed anyway.

Having sex with farm animals is not viewed as appropriate behaviour here.

 

 

 

 

Q. What's the difference between Canada and yogurt?

 

A. One has an active culture.

 

Seriously, I think BC and AB are great places to visit. And I love those Tim Horton's butterscotch coffees. Yum Canada.

gertlush Gumby

gertlush

Posted
Posted

We don't accept the draft dodgers up here anymore, just turn 'em around and send them straight back to Kentucky or wherever they're from. You don't want to get blown up in Iraq then join the Air Force like your president did dumbasses!

JayB Gumby

JayB

Posted
Posted

Speaking of Canada, what kind of strange madness has overcome the PM? Where has the airy transnational moral agnosticism and supine indifference masquerading as principle gone? Someone had better get the folks at www.truthout.org on this case fast. Someone better get Jimmy Carter on the cell-phone and get the reprogramming chamber ready....

 

"OTTAWA (AFP) - Canada will not hold talks with “genocidal” groups Hamas and Hezbollah to try to secure Mideast peace, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said in an interview with broadcaster CTV, to be aired Saturday.

 

“We will not solve the Palestinian-Israeli problem, as difficult as that is, through organizations that advocate violence and advocate wiping Israel off the face of the Earth,” Harper said.

 

“It’s unfortunate because with Hamas, and with Hezbollah in Lebanon, it has made it very difficult to have dialogue — and dialogue is ultimately necessary to have peace in the long term — but we are not going to sit down with people whose objectives are ultimately genocidal.”

 

“I think all of the civilized world is agreed — and it’s not just Canada — we can’t deal with organizations whose principle and only objective is terrorism and the eradication of the other side.”

JayB Gumby

JayB

Posted
Posted

I've heard credible claims that Karl Rove is behind this. Factor in the fact that Canadian shale-oil deposits have become economically viable all of a sudden.....coincidence. I think not.

gertlush Gumby

gertlush

Posted
Posted
Speaking of Canada, what kind of strange madness has overcome the PM? Where has the airy transnational moral agnosticism and supine indifference masquerading as principle gone?

 

Haha, you know us too well :lmao:

 

Don't worry, we'll be back to being a bunch of gutless pussies soon enough.

Fairweather Choss Jockey

Fairweather

Posted
Posted

Here's a few tidbits to help you out.

Make one of your first trips to a Tim Hortons or "Timmys" as the locals call it. Great donuts and not a place where the MP's will look for you.

Fat, lazy bitch.

When you buy groceries they will ask you "paper or plastic" which is not for a form of payment but which type of shopping bag you would prefer. A bag is also another name for a sack.

Too bad you don't have one. Not many Canadians do.

Not everyone up here says "eh" or is a "hoser" but after you meet a few hosers you will know how to insert eh after every sentence.

Canada's only contribution to world literature and culture?

The only mainstream sport that matters is hockey.

Since the emergence of UFC fighting, hockey no longer holds any fascination for Americans. It was always kind of a pussy sport anyway.

Nobody has a gun so don't bring yours.

Nobody but the criminals and punks, of which there are plenty.

Less time is spent discussing politics because in the end the west always gets screwed anyway.

Glad to see there is a North American victim status sub-category within Canada itself! Maybe if you would stop letting the Frenchies run the show your nation would get something done.

Having sex with farm animals is not viewed as appropriate behaviour here.

Of course not! But apparently killing prostitutes and feeding them to pigs is.

 

 

 

 

JayB Gumby

JayB

Posted
Posted

 

Sounds like a real-catch. Prole, there *is* someone out there for you. Looks like a match made in heaven, though she may outweigh you.

 

 

Her ad reminds me of the Chris Farley anchorman skit from SNL.

 

I'm not your typical "News Personality." [Fingers making air-quotes in the air for emphasis].

 

I don't have an "Engaging Smile," or an "Effervescent Personality."

 

I'm not known for my "Pretty Face."

 

I dont "Bathe."

 

When children see me, they're "Scared," and "Run Away."

 

I don't "Floss"

 

Etc, etc, etc.

 

 

Delivered much the same way as the Matt Foley Skits..

 

k_gDVac5ylM

archenemy Gumby

archenemy

Posted
Posted

 

The only mainstream sport that matters is hockey.

Since the emergence of UFC fighting, hockey no longer holds any fascination for Americans. It was always kind of a pussy sport anyway.

That may be because UFC started the same year NHL was on strike.

 

But when comparing the two sports, I wouldn't call the one that doesn't involve two men wearing leotards rolling around together on the ground the "pussy" sport of the two...

archenemy Gumby

archenemy

Posted
Posted

Princess Patricia?

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