kix Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 whatever. its all about Bouldering Barbie. She carries my pad, wears tight halters and snug yoga tights. She makes my lunch and brings me beers. She loads my bong and then she brushes all my holds before I send. But thats just her Barbie qualities. As soon as I am finsihed she crushes my projects and then we have sex on the top of the boulder. Bouldering Ken is lying in the bushes with a black eye and fat lip for thinking Boldering Barbie had any interest in him. I made her up. She's mine. Quote
John Frieh Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Sounds like the Ballard Barbie comes without a sense of humor. Actually, the Ballard Barbie has a refined sense of humor, rather than just lamely laughing at anything, even if it's not really funny, just stupid. Too bad Ballard Ken is looking for someone that has more to offer than just a "refined sense of humor" Quote
EWolfe Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Whatever, my Alpine Barbie is so much cooler. She lives for pack rashes, has an over-lengthed chest strap, packs 80 pounds with glee, is a sure-footed scree-master, who can lead 5.10 as long as it doesn't damage my ego. Her contortionist dexterity assures even the hardest of offwidths. Hanging belays are a joy to behold as a follower, and a glance downward on lead is a thing of beauty. A natural early riser, Alpine Barbie can drink with even the stoutest of yeomen, and is happiest in a tent with a single bag between us on a thin pad. Quote
archenemy Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Ok, we'll settle the barbie thing right here Quote
cj001f Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 really, really screamed "Seattle." Oh yes. Speaking of walking, talking PNW stereotypes Rick Steves is high up that list. 'alterna' business empire', nerdy apparel, NORML membership, liberal politics, ad infinitum Quote
EWolfe Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Ok, we'll settle the barbie thing right here That's some funny shit. Quote
still_climbin Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Ok, we'll settle the barbie thing right here That's some funny shit. Quote
minx Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Besides this is Barbie we're talking about; they don't make too many ugly, poor, or disturbing dolls. yeah-real world barbie didn't make it out of the market research testing group. nobody wants to see that. somehow real world ken doll with beer gut, ass-scratching capabilities, and stained t-shirt (comes with a 12 pack of budlight but his 1995 ford250 with snowmobile trailer is sold seperately) is sold at target stores across america. Quote
lancegranite Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 What about the Leavenworth Barbie? Jeep, leads 5.11 trad, has a nice, well maintained rack that is always just the right size, microbrew seated safely in chalkbag, just got back from Patagonia, appearances in several climbing magazines. Hits on you until she's bored, then has to go because she has a date in Tahiti with millionaire sponsored climber and swimsuit photographer Ken. Dude, don't talk about my wife like that, she would never drive a jeep. Quote
archenemy Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 Seattle Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie Seattle women aren't homemakers, they tend to have jobs. Maybe you are thinking of homemaker Ken. is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV Try a Prius. This ain't Issaquah. , a Prada handbag Surely you jest! In Seattle? Try and REI backpack that she uses as a purse/briefcase. It probably needs to be washed. and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. Yoga? Uh, try trail running with the family dog. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. You're sure this is Seattle Barbie, right? Even if she wanted to stay home, she works, because their Ballard bungalow was $600,000. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Yeah, that's really Seattle. You see a lot of that Botox-and-Percocet thing in the city....NOT. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry Starbucks is for tourists. The locals like Appassionato, Vivace, and might tote a mug from one of the Cafe Divas scattered around the city. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often working late?. Sounds like he lives in the midwest. Wouldn't Ken be into mountain biking, organic gardening, and tele skiing? If he fishes, it's fly fishing, and he throws them back instead of killing them. Sounds like a generic Barbie to me. Nothing Seattle about this tiny plastic dame. Oh, I forgot to mention the BITTER BARBIE: a heifer-like character who is so frustrated at the lot she chose in life that she tries to reckon her disappointing reality with her fantasy world by denigrating all the other barbies. Ken, if you are reading this, you know the type. Usually only once. Quote
Gary_Yngve Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 whatever. its all about Bouldering Barbie. She carries my pad, wears tight halters and snug yoga tights. She makes my lunch and brings me beers. She loads my bong and then she brushes all my holds before I send. But thats just her Barbie qualities. As soon as I am finsihed she crushes my projects and then we have sex on the top of the boulder. Bouldering Ken is lying in the bushes with a black eye and fat lip for thinking Boldering Barbie had any interest in him. I made her up. She's mine. Hardman Ken shoulder-standed your boulder and got her phone number when you were too busy trying to squeeze your feet into those tiny Cinderella slippers where if you don't take them off by the end of the route, you turn into a pumpkin. Quote
lI1|1! Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Oh, I forgot to mention the BITTER BARBIE: a heifer-like character who is so frustrated at the lot she chose in life that she tries to reckon her disappointing reality with her fantasy world by denigrating all the other barbies... thank you for my morning dose of nail on the head sarcasm. Quote
Gary_Yngve Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I made her up. She's mine. I have an imaginary girlfriend too. We have a complex relationship. Quote
Gary_Yngve Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Oh, I forgot to mention the BITTER BARBIE: a heifer-like character who is so frustrated at the lot she chose in life that she tries to reckon her disappointing reality with her fantasy world by denigrating all the other barbies. Ken, if you are reading this, you know the type. Usually only once. There's a similar JEALOUS BARBIE who is mad at SLUT BARBIE for stealing Ken from her. Quote
AlpineK Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 I made her up. She's mine. I have an imaginary girlfriend too. We have a complex relationship. Gary if you think you were the first guy to date Rosy you are sadly mistaken. Also if you have a complex relationship with, "her," you have big problems and should seek help. Quote
Dechristo Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Oh, I forgot to mention the BITTER BARBIE: a heifer-like character who is so frustrated at the lot she chose in life that she tries to reckon her disappointing reality with her fantasy world by denigrating all the other barbies... ...while chewing her bile-flavored cud? Quote
lancegranite Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 (edited) Ed: Mrs G, a Leavenworth native, sent me this email today, The Leavenworth Barbie: She only works 6 months out of the year but never considers herself unemployed. While travelling in the off-season, she forwards the unemployment checks to her parents address. In the winter, you are most likely to spot her hiking at the Pass for powder on a good day or staying at home and spooning untill noon when it rains. In the summer, you will find L-Town Barbie hanging out "down by the river" with two or three of her friends, a couple of black labs, and a stray long-haired hippy dude. After a long day rafting, riding bikes, and swimming in the river, you can most likely spot the L-town Barbie drinking a pint of dark beer as thick as a milkshake at the local pub, Uncle Uli's. Bonus if a local jam band happens to be playing. She owns shoes and a rack, but only climbs every once in a while. She'll point and laugh at a bike without full suspension, or for that matter, a car without a rack. She claims that she dosen't wear make-up, dosen't care about her appearance, and couldn't be bothered with material goods, but manages to look super cute in a pair of prana pants and worn out flip flops. There are a limited number of vehicles the Leavenworth Barbie will consider driving and they include (in this order): Toyota 4Runner, Subaru Station Wagon, Volkswagen Jetta. She comes complete with: avy beacon, champion juicer, and yoga dvd's If you want to scerenade this rare Barbie, you could go the safe route with classics from Ben Harper or Jack Johnson. For the risk-taker, try pulling the wild card and bust out with a freestyle rap or some old-school punk-rock and appeal to her rebellious tendencies Her favorite phrases are: "duuuuuuudde" "I just worked out for five hours!" "suuuuuper stoked!" and "what's a 401k?" If she sees you drive through town, she's likely to call you a "citiod" "west-sider" "coaster" "city person" "stupid tourist" or, if she's over 25 maybe "206er" She's already had eight dudes tell her she's the woman of his dreams, so don't blow things by getting drunk and professing your love at 3 in the morning. She never puts out on a first date, unless of course you happen to catch her at the Pimp and Ho. Speaking of dates, she's never been on one because Leavenworth Ken dosen't have a job and spends all of his money on pot, so if you ask her out for a fancy dinner, she'll either think you are super romantic or super cheesy. Single varieties of this Barbie are extremely hard to come by due to supply and demand, and it is highly reccomended that if you find one, you snatch her up as quickly as possible. Ed: done and done Edited April 4, 2006 by lancegranite Quote
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