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Posted

he'd have to be rich too...not just like a retired microsoftie rich..but we're talking LOADED rich...yeah..I'm sure I'll meet him here....k. You. Dood...the quite one...PM Me...I'm waiting!! I'll be your belay slave...umm yeah...really....k. PM...

Posted
hmm..it would be good if he had more gear than me....and it fit me,

 

Have you had problems in the past with guys whose gear wouldn't fit you? blush.gif

Posted

Poor, poor losers.rolleyes.gif

 

Bagging a fly Betty who climbs 5.12, digs vehicular sleepage, fiends for tuff weekends, and wants to go climbing on the honeymoon is a piece of cake--if you're Dr. Flash Amazing. smirk.gif

 

Some handy hints for those less predisposed to successful pro-vertical, inter-gender relationeering:

 

1. Clip bolts, boulder, or otherwise ensure your climbing activities remain no more than one rope-length off the deck. Nothing is less sexy to the fairer sex than the possibility of getting benighted halfway up some godforsaken wall in some godforsaken wilderness with nothing but a rope, a rack, and an empty Nalgene bottle--oh, and your sorry, epic-bound ass. The promise of a pint and a Caesar salad, followed up by a comfy sleeping environment is critical. Any woman who does acquiesce to your wayward multipitch desires will doubtless need a shave and a bath, and should be fled from post-haste.

 

2. Be fit, and above all, thin. That alpine-style spare tire that allows you to survive your forced bivies in relative comfort (see above) is not an attribute that is desired by the desirable. DFA recommends running laps on steep, highly-visible gym routes until your physique becomes a billboard advertising to all single babelets in the joint that you are a strong man, capable of rope-gunning the most grievous of Miss Chalkdusty's projects.

 

3. Maintain an attitude of cool detatchment and subtle superiority, telegraphing to your quarry that you are both brilliant and complex, with unstoppable cogs of creativity ever turning beneath your steely, unflappable exterior. Naturally, it is helpful to actually be brilliant and complex, but since this is unattainable for most terminally single rock-wranglers, a reasonable facsimile may be concocted. Practice in the mirror every day, aiming for a determinedly quizzical thousand-yard stare, alternating occasionally with a sly smirk or "eureka! I've got it!"-type of expression. Mix these expressions freely with beta-miming the moves of your latest project to seal the deal.

 

4. Know how to use a stick-clip. (If you have to ask why, you'll never get it.)

 

And, as a cautionary note, one should never, ever, no matter how tempting it may be, claim to be Dr. Flash Amazing. The ladies are a wily lot, and can smell a fraud--and the attendant desperation fueling fraudulence--like a doberman smells fear, and will not hesitate to report your tragic status to the rest of the pack, effectively and permanently ending whatever meager chance at success you may once have had.

 

Best of luck, gentlemen, and don't forget to shower!

 

Masculinely, confidently, successfully,

 

Dr. Flash "sorry, ladies--spoken-for" Amazing

Posted

Hi boys! Did you miss me? I'm working at Ambercrombie now, and they don't have internet access! It's like OMG! But there is Starbucks next door so it's alllll good.

 

Hey does that Erik guy still post here? Man that guy sent me so many PMs... talk about a stalker!!!!

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