Ducknut Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 VICTORIA, BC -- In an attempt to get a free meal, what was described as a "very large" bear broke into the rural homestead of a BC college student, who was home on vacation at the time. The student, who would only give his name as Ryan, says, "I had just grilled out some salmon and walked back into the dining room to eat. Just as I had just sat down, it sounded at though someone was trying to break down my door." As Ryan went to investigate, the door burst open and the gaping maw of a northern Kodiak bear appeared inside his living room. Ryan recalls, "It was the scariest moment of my life, right up there with the fishing accident in Sasketoon when I was twelve." As the bear forced it's way into the dining room area, the beast found the grilled salmon it had smelled from what authorities estimated was over a mile away, where they found the bear's tracks around a small cave. Ryan tried shouting at the bear to get it to leave, but the bear seemed to be intent on the salmon it was feasting on. Ryan then proceeded to throw various kitchen utensials at the bear to get it's attention. "I wasn't sure what I was going to do," he said. "After I hit the bear in the head with a wooden spoon, the bear started coming after me!" The would-be bear snack ran to the other side of the kitchen counter as the bear raised up on it's hind legs and tried swatting at him. "The bear was blocking my way to my room where I actually have a gun, so I found the only thing I had that I did not throw at him, my frying pan." he relates. "I picked up the frying pan and shouted, bring it on, bring it on!" Ryan jumped over the counter and started swinging the frying pan. The animal, estimated at six feet tall on all fours and over eight hundred pounds, got back on all fours and started to charge the young man. When the bear was about 1 foot away from him, Ryan swung the cast iron frying pan and hit the bear on the right side of its head. "The bear appeared to be dazed, so I just kept pounding him with the frying pan." "After I hit the bear about fifteen times, the bear fell to the floor, but I dared not let up. I hit him for about another five minutes until he was not moving at all," Ryan says. Only then did he take the time to call for local law enforcement. "When the police showed up, they could not believed what they saw." "It was the craziest thing I've ever seen," said Officer F. Barnes, of the Victoria crime scene investigation unit. "He actually killed a bear with a frying pan." The local wildlife officer showed up and took measurements of the bear, one of the largest involved in a home invasion incident in recent memory. There is no word on what became of the animal's body, but local animal rights activists are filing to take possession of the bear's remains, claiming it was an immoral act of killing, and Ryan should not be allowed to make a bearskin rug out of it. Darcy Morris, president of the local chapter of Animal Rights Abuse Watch (ARAW), says, "This young man should be prosecuted, not praised. The bear was simply following his natural instincts, and had this Ryan criminal left it alone, no harm would have been done. It's disgusting, and he can expect to hear from our lawyers." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 fake they even spelled saskatoon wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott_harpell Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 The bear was simply following his natural instincts, ...and Ryan was following his. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figger_Eight Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Ryan then proceeded to throw various kitchen utensials at the bear to get it's attention. So, IF this were real...this would be the last thing I would be doing. Anyways, frying pan to the side of a grizzly head would only piss it off even worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stinkyclimber Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 fake they even spelled saskatoon wrong. Fake?! What are you talking about? You don't think we have Kodiak bears here on the island? This is an exotic wildlife paradise...it is because of the ornate gardens people keep here - it has created a micro-ecosystem habitable to animals normally found thousands of kilometres away. Shit, just last week I dodged a HUGE crocodile while out walking around the harbour. I also have an infestation of cobras in our basement. Really gross. The chimpanzees in our backyard are kind of cool though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murraysovereign Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 I agree with Dru - this is fake. "Northern Kodiak" bears aren't found anywhere near Victoria, or anywhere else on Vancouver Island. Black bears are common, but not Grizzlies, and definitely not Kodiaks, which are from the Alaskan panhandle. There has been only one confirmed instance of a Grizzly bear on Vancouver Island in living memory - a few summers ago one apparently swam across from the Mainland and was promptly shot dead on arrival. "Rural Homestead" isn't normally used to describe anything in the Victoria area, either. This looks like a deliberate attempt to generate an urban myth in order to discredit animal rights groups. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ducknut Posted June 7, 2004 Author Share Posted June 7, 2004 You mean Kodiak grizzlies aren't considered an invasive species on Vancouver Island, when are you guys going to wake up and start issuing frying pans to all of your citizens? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialed Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Shit. That's nuthin. I killed a pack of wild lions that just escaped from the zoo yesterday with a screwdriver, wet towel, and a glass bong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronco Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Screwdrivers are aid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattp Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 When I was 12, camping in Jasper National Park with my family, I saw a mother smack a mother grizzly bear (with cubs) on the nose with a cast iron skillet. The bears had been marauding and no amount of car honking or rock throwing could deter them until momma bear got a little too close to this woman's kids. She went berserk, grabbed fry pan, and KABOOM. The bears went away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken4ord Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Awesome story, I could care less if it is fake, it made me laugh. Thanks, I need that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 This is really getting worrying now. I suppose we're soon going to have to register our frying pans. Teflon ones probably won't even be legal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stinkyclimber Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 "Rural Homestead" isn't normally used to describe anything in the Victoria area, either. Murray, you have clearly never been to Metchosin or Sooke!! It makes those folks up in Paradise Valley look like urban club-hoppers and artistes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 I am still not sure Dru IS a tough Canadian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 don't make me drive down there and kick your ass wolfe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olyclimber Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 sometimes, the right beer is rootbeer... http://www.ircuser.org/files/monkey.swf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EWolfe Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 (edited) don't make me drive down there and kick your ass wolfe! Oooooo! Tough talk from someone who can't get across the border due to (deleted by MisterE, boundary issues) Edited June 8, 2004 by MisterE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 BRING IT BELLING HAMSTER!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 This is like the fake/photoshopped story of the huge Alaskan Grizz that mauled the hunters and chomped off the guy's leg flesh. If it weren't such an obvious fake, I'd be interested in what the Saskatoon fishign incident was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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