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Posted

I met Barb down at the Royal Bear in Algona (the bar which, until only recently, had the only surviving mechanical bull in S. King County). Don't let her delicate mannerisms fool you. She's sturdy, and she's got big walls on the agenda fellas. Boulder hoppers and chicken-bolt chasers need not apply.

 

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Posted

This is RURP.

 

pope thinks he is a BIG WALL master. He disrespects or otherwise makes fun of the BIG WALL and thereby shows that he does not understand the experience. Let me tell you this mr. pope, give me a couple of hundred dollars and I will let you watch me pack my haul bag and then you can carry it to the base of the wall. For an additional $50 I'll let you borrow my lawn chair and binoculars and you can watch all of the BIG WALL, BIG ACTION from below.

 

RURP has spoken.

Posted

This is RURP

 

I have also been told by several people that there was a rumor that I "bit it" in the Alps a month or two ago. You are full of crap. It must have been someone else named RURP.

 

RURP has spoken.

Posted
This is RURP

 

I have also been told by several people that there was a rumor that I "bit it" in the Alps a month or two ago. You are full of crap. It must have been someone else named RURP.

 

RURP has spoken.

 

Meet Barney. Mentioning big-wall aspirants, we should all aspire to be like Barney. This guy claims to have taught RURP everything he knows about Jumaring. To express appreciation, RURP shared his hypo-allergenic, coco-butter sun lotion with Barney who admits, "I was just a little uncomfortable when RURP insisted on applying it for me in that hard-to-reach area just behind the knees."

 

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Posted

Barb never quite made it to Camp 4. By the time the 70s were over she was on her second child and had just finished her third trip to rehab. The faith got her going strong however and she managed to pull through the difficult times on her own. Barb is now married, drives a Honda mini-van and explores crevasses in her spare time. She's not sad that she's fallen in status from a big wall hopeful to a mere soccer mom: the lord told her it's a form of progression.

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Posted

Despite Barney's strong start and early partnership with RURP he soon found himself falling out of favor with the climbing community. Barney came to realize that he was different and needed to be a different sort of climber. Rejecting all tradition and sanity he became a member of the Nation of Chongo. Since becoming a member he has logged over 500 days and nights on the walls of Yosemite. He holds duration records for time spent at a single hanging belay, 56hrs., and time spent on approach to Half Dome, 19 days. Unfortunately he has yet to get beyond the tenth pitch of any big wall climb. He blames his failures on lack of equipment, supplies and time.

Quote from Barney, "Some say: for the lead dog the scenery never changes. How can I complain?"

 

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Posted

Leonard got hooked on climbing when he noticed some hep-cats at the WTO convention getting more than their fair share of female attention.....apparently for no other reason than the fact that they owned 'biners and ropes and knew how to rap off the side of the Gap building. Leoard's micro-bus has a finger-board mounted on the side panel, ropes in the window, Petzl stickers on the bumper and "Love Your Mother" decals in every window. For a guy that didn't go to prom, Leonard's getting a lot of trim these days. When asked about his big-wall history, he candidly admits, "I've never climbed anything higher than the U.W. practice rock, but da ladies don't seem to mind!"

 

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Posted

THIS JUST IN!!

 

Leonard has died in an unfortunate accident at the UW Rock. Egged-on by fellow climbers and driven by his fear of a certain UW Rock personality, Leonard climbed to the topmost part of the practice wall. He was held at bay by the above-mentioned climber for six days without rest. Finally he lost the strength to hold on and fell to his death. His body bounced into the parking lot, where a number of female "admirers" grieved over him.

 

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Posted

Grover McClellan, resident game warden in Startup, WA, found climbing as a youngster. On hunting trips his father would send him up tall trees and rocks as a lookout for game. Grover hated hunting but he came to live the climbing. He now devotes his life to enforcing game laws, chainsaw carving, and of course, climbing. His team of twelve is sponsored by SKOAL and T.C.'s Offroad Outlet. Grover plans to lead the first ascent of the Nose with only Skoal brand chew, Busch Lite and jerky as supplies. May we all wish him well.

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Posted

trask's big wall aspirations were compromised by an "extracurricular" event that occurred several years ago. His permanent restraining order precludes the ownership or possession of ropes of any kind.

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Posted
He holds duration records for time spent at a single hanging belay, 56hrs., and time spent on approach to Half Dome, 19 days. Unfortunately he has yet to get beyond the tenth pitch of any big wall climb

 

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Posted

The sad thing is its all actually true. The names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent, but the stories are true from the long and strange climbing careers of Dwayner and Pope.

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