tvashtarkatena

"Check out my new Facebook blog!" - this thread.

It's much more "Seattle Men's Chorus"

A penis pump fed by a scuba tank couldn't resurrect this thread.

How SPOT works. 1) Victim presses Distress Button. 2) SPOT sends signal to global rescue satellite network. 3) Starship Enterprise picks up distress signal and homes in on it at warp factor nine. 4) Captain Kirk beams down to accident site, gets bitten by the Mugatu, fucks the alien witch doctress with the Mexican Jumping Root and jealous husband, meanwhile the Enterprise's main computer is taken over by midget who's done way too much trania who then sends the Enterprise spiraling towards the planet surface, Kirk has to fight the husband with some giant plastic Hawaiian forks, Kirk almost gets his tunic ripped off, Spock and Scotty show up and tase the aggro motherfucker with the giant salad fork, the witch doctress says "fuck it, you'er a pussy anyway" to Kirk, everybody beams back up to the Enterprise, isolates the midget in the Vjer probe and blasts his shrimpy ass into deep space, and Kirk finally gets his memory back just in time to miss the deadline for reporting back to Star Fleet Command.

This thread uses a Russian Orthodox church for a butt plug.

Wedged upside down at the bottom of an avi-packed crevasse? No problem. Just press a button and a Life Flight chopper filled with hawt nurses and buff EMTs, Chinese take out, and fresh coffee descends on your hurtin' ass in under a minute like Delta Force in angel-wear. You'll be laughing about it over beers by dinnertime. Because the difference between working your stiffy and being a stiffy is your willingness to add our shit to your already bloated credit card balance.

If anyone's not doing anything for Christmas, this thread's "having a few friends over". Bring wine, some E, and shower sandals.

This thread traded in its PT Cruiser for a Scion xB.

This thread gets excited when Diesel Jeans and Adidas Originals go on sale.

This thread wants a pair of assless chaps and tickets to The Messiah for Christmas.

This thread owns a brindle pug, but wishes it could afford a shar pei.

This is the Volunteer Park men's room of threads.

This is an excellent question, Gene. Your doctors probably want you to avoid light mental exercise for a few weeks. Posting on CC, as most of us know, requires almost no effort from any organs above the waist, so post at your leisure. In fact, for many of us here the head is really not much more than a vestigial organ that provides structural support for the conduits of breathing and eating.

I forced Feck to lock it with my noodly appendage.

Stop hating God and come back to Him. He will forgive you. There's no real hate in this heart, brother. I used to run at lunch with a Christian guy I worked with. We talked about all kinds of stuff in very frank terms, as you can imagine. After a couple of years of running together nearly every work day, he timidly admitted that he often prayed for me to come back to God. One cannot help but be touched by such subtle, human compassion. Unfortunately, Tom was killed with his son when his Cessna hit a mountain about five years ago. I still go down to Portland on occasion to attend the monthly memorial run a mutual friend organized soon after the accident. I don't dwell much on where he did or didn't go after he died, just as I don't think much about anyone's afterlife or lack thereof. I only think about how he lived. He was a lovely man. Have a warm Christmas and be careful out there, spraylords.

I'm just striving to understand these things.

If we're made in God's likeness, and God is our father, and he is everywhere, does that mean that God's johnson is rammed firmly up KKK's ass?

Jesus, the flood gates have been reopened! Someone, build an arc! Man the divots! Beware of icefall!

Thermite thickly spread between two rented vans full of ammonium nitrate.

Matt, you act like relativism is some fundamental law of the universe or something. Jesus said “I am THE WAY”. Not “a WAY”. Not “One WAY”. Not “WAY out there”. THE WAY. There is ONE WAY to do things in this life. You suckular huminist relitivicisists may hide behind your eligint arguments, but the Truth is simple and written down…IN THE BIBLE. Let multi-culturalism have sway, and pretty soon everyone is thinking that they just might do things their way, rather than His way. Our answer to this movement to turn our cookies into biscotti and hot dogs into saucisson should be a resounding NO WAY. I thought I knew the Truth back when I was an ath/ag pre-christian. But God has shown himself to me, during my very worst behavior towards Him, in the form of really screamin gear deals and some hawt local ice pitches. So I thought to myself “Hey, this feels pretty good. Imagine what he’ll do for me if I worship him”. So what if every single born again Christian I’ve ever known has been a completely self righteous, intolerant, humorless asshole, and more often than not plagued (get it?) by deep seated emotional and neurotic disorders? Let there be Cheap Gear! So I’m now a Soldier for Christ…and a Skier for Christ. And Climber for Christ. Hell, I mean Heck, I’m even a Sprayer for Christ. And hopefully, He’ll see fit to equip me well so that I may better do His Work on Earth, particularly the snowy and icy parts. Merry Christmas indeed!

"To Vague, my fine soldiers, to Vague!"

I don't know much about Mennonites. Sorry.

Yosemite

Um, no. For the 100th time, I don't want your sausage.