Dechristo

Generally, the more affluent, materialistic, and self-centered one becomes, the more fear of what can be lost.

Ride 'em, cowboy

All-time most-watched: Man Who Would Be King Second-place category: Zeffirelli's "Hamlet" The Original Kings of Comedy - Steve Harvey, D.L. Hughley, Cedrid the Entertainer, and Bernie Mac Amadeus O Brother Where Art Thou Boondock Saints The Big Lebowski That Thing You Do Braveheart Saving Private Ryan TLOTR

Cow tongues are as good as wood rasps.

...because we are spoiled rotten.

I remember a bumper sticker seen in the '70's that read, "Don't Californicate Colorado".

You're American. Take Abe Lincoln's example.

Canadian Bacon

I'll bet if you or someone you cared about was raped repeatedly, you'd find a different joke.

Thanks for pulling that piece from the archives; funny shit.

Chap's Granny dies and finds herself at the pearly gates. St. Pete welcomes her in and proceeds to give her a tour to acquaint her with her new surroundings. Granny notices a vast area in a side direction that is filled with enormous clocks. "Hey, Pete. What's with all those clocks over there?" "Well, Granny, those clocks are actually metering devices. There's a clock for each person on Earth. Every time a person masturbates, the minute-hand moves one tick. Don't worry, Granny, your clock, didn't show any more hours than most clocks." Granny, relieved of her own embarrasment, suddenly thinks of her beloved Grandson. "Pete, where's my little Chappy's clock?" "Uh..., Granny, it's in the Main Square... we use it for a fan."

No, that's just a promo ad for a diet plan available here in the nether regions. I have it pinned up on my refrigerator, too, as an incentive to lose the few thousand tons I've picked up over the last fifteen billion years (since I lit the nuclear cherry bomb that started the universe you breath in). WTF? Skinny is the latest thing with your culture. Remember, "skinny dudes fight 'till they're burger". Me and a few of the others [you know, Jesus ("Josh"), Buddha (we call him "Bohdi"), Phil Hartman ("Jizz"), Ghandi (he likes to be called "MyHotMan"), Sister Theresa (Terry knows how to party) & her sidekick Gilda Radner ("Twisted Sista"), Paramahansa Yogananda ("Bro") and a bunch of other freaks] like to watch and quote lines from Fight Club. If we want a good laugh we watch It's A Wonderful Life. First, Clint Eastwood... and now you. Just wait 'till you come over to this side. We're all gonna pin you down and give you a "pink belly" until you're yellin' "I'm smitten! I'm smitten! IIIIII'mmmm SMITTENNNNNN!"

This is GOD. I have my finger poised over the "Smite" button.

Zen enema

Enemas are very healthful. Just think of it as gargling after drinking from a straw.

I was thinking GHB should've been warned, but after consideration, I believe GW is a Momma's Boil.

It will only want to take over his life and humiliate him in accusing his grandfather of fucking a kangaroo. One must kill a pustule before it speaks.

...through the goalposts of life.

Smartypants. Fascinum or unfascinum, it makes no difference. Take in the breeze or not. We're all consenting, demented ahdolts here.

...fuckin' yahoos from Yahoo...

How studious.

In the beginning, a characteristic of a milkmaid. Now, an effect of study with the Marquis.

You're barkin' up the wrong tree, GoogleSpot.

They were destitute serfs. We bought her from them at a pittance of her worth. We are Legion.