So this fellow is walking around the campus of Harvard University looking for the library. He spies a fellow in a navy blazer and ascot and asks him " Scuse me, could ya'll tell me where the libary is at?" The fellow with the ascot, pulls his pipe out of his mouth and responds " My good man. Here at Harvard, we do not end our sentences with a preposition"
"oh" said the fellow looking for the library.
"Well. Could ya'll tell me where the libary is at...asshole?"
University Graduate's Questions
Uiversity of Michigan Grad: Are we out of Dopamine again?!!
Michigan State University Grad: How many bushels to the acre?
Michigan Technical(or Toughest) University Grad: What's the oHm reading on that circuit?
Western Michigan University Grad: Ya want fries wit dat?
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. He said, "You must be single."
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the goods on offer were quite expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give something, which is recommended on a certain freeheel skiing site to be enjoyed with a nice steak on March 20th.
"Blowjobs!" the woman promptly replied.
"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true... no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked somewhat querulously.
To which the husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here."
