Dr_Flash_Amazing

The Pietasters' cover of The Business' "Drinking and Driving" rips it. Less Than Jake's covers of assorted TV theme songs (esp. 'Dukes of Hazzard'), and "Jenny (867-5309)". NOFX's cover of "All of Me" (popularized by Billie Holiday, written by somebody else probably).

Fairly typical of an administration that talks support of the common person (tax cuts will create jobs, no child left behind, support the troops and wave your flags), but the ultimate outcomes of their actions are decidedly in opposition to their stated aims. It's truly disgusting, though, to see that even in an area in which their feelings appear to be genuine (the military), their actions come up short, as does their money, most of which seems to have been sieved out by the pockets of assorted defense contractors. Disgusting, indeed. Puke up your last meal for the Bush whitehouse once again!

Just trying to come up with the Patriotic response. Sheesh!

While at the Redmond Brewery after a day of Smithtuff a while back, one member of our group who had just turned 21 (NOT, needless to say, a regular climbing partner) made the unfortunate decision to order a hard cider. A few people gave him some shit, and then dinner came and it was forgotten. After eating and chilling for a while, the check came, and while reading over the tab, one of the women in the group asks, in horrified disgust, "who ordered the wine cooler?" Seems the poor lad's "hard cider" had been rung up thusly. He was quite embarrassed to have his choice of beverage so harshly maligned, and by a beer-drinking chick no less. So don't worry, you're not alone.

Fuckin' A, you cheesewheel! If you can't hold down two cans of Amerikan pisswater "beer", maybe you should quit drinking altogether. Or try something a little more your speed, like Zima. What're you, a cheerleader or some shit?

Just curious Greg, In your opinion, what consitutes anti-American? In saying that I wish some things were different in this country, am I considered anti-American? DIE COMMIE PINKO FAGGOT!

You fucking plagiarizer! GO GET YOUR OWN GODDAMNED QUOTE BITCH How about something to the effect of having a gear sale in the parking lot as soon as you hike out of the park (another favorite of both DFA and a certain Curtain)?

Jus' two of the hueco'd ones; the .10d warmup and then Namaste. Pumpy and sandy and long. We looked at some of the SLABBY routes, too, but once you hike for an hour plus in all that heat, and you finally get to this shady wall with the most incredible looking climbing on it, it's real easy to forget about climbing slabs. 'Specially if you hate climbing slabs anyway.

What secret beta? There's no other holds on the sumbitch; just the offset to grab and a couple of anorexic Rice Krispies to pretend you can stand on. Least up until the top section, anyways. So spill the beta, hoss.

"No fucking way, I've wanted to fucking lead this goddamn climb for fucking forever! What the fuck do you think I am, some sort of fucking incompetent?! If you ever again try to take one of my fucking leads on this fucking climb I will take this fucking knife (brandishing his Swiss Army knife), saw your fucking ears off, then cut you loose to plummet to your death you fucking miserable condescending piece of shit!!!!!!" Funny thing, Captain Caveman always sounded like such a competent climber on cc.com. At least he accurately represents his personality, if not, apparently, his climbing prowess.

Y'all muhfuggas hilar'ous an' shit. Nah, f'reals. Too funny.

Waitasec, you were talking about establishing new routes. You're a tradly gearslinger; if you wanna see new crack routes, can't you just step up to any ol' crack, chalk up, stuff it fulla gear, and name it Peter Puget Bonks Your Momma, and call it good? Isn't that the beauty of the pureandnaturalartofrockprotection lifestyle? You wanna replicate O2, just go to the nearest doorway in your home or office, shut the door, and try to layback up the molding with your feet pasted on the door itself. Go up and down about six times, then deadpoint for the top of the molding from about midway. Kind of hard to replicate the finish, but that's mostly the jist of it.

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Unemployed people put up routes? You looked at the pricetag on a shiny new Hilti bolt gun lately, Pewzhay? Bolts cost money, too, as does a torque wrench. Dig it, though; you endow DFA with the necessary hardware and he'll put up some sick new classics for ya. Maybe even custom-chip some pockets if you're lucky, you know, for that "Churning Buttress" feel.

We hit up the sport routes up in Kolob Canyon. Fuckin' spectacular goodness there. We eyeballed Tourist Crack, which looked cool, but we didn't wind up getting back up there to climb it. Maybe if we had been able to just drive up and not have to take 45 min. on the shuttle. We looked at the Pulpit, too, but the mini bolt ladder fuckaround start looked sorta jive, and the top only looked so-so, thus we crossed that off the list. Plus it was a jillion degrees out. A jillion. Was hot, too. Sorry! We did watch some poor soloist bastard baking to a frcking crisp hanging in his aiders on Space Shot, though. Misery with a capital M right there. And some other climbers had to get rescued 'cause they were all dehydrated or some shit. There you have it, pretty much.

"Fuck this rock climbing shit!" - Dr. Flash Amazing

Just run some 3mm cord through the cassette/disc slot and clip it to your harness. If things get epic, you can always rap off of it.

DFA would second the opinions leaning towards "no faceplate = not worth it". As a former active shoplifter, the Doctor can attest to theft being all about convenience. If store X puts their Goretex jackets under the security cameras and has one of those electronic alarm setter offer things on them, but store Y has their Gtx sitting in a dark, unwatched corner by the dressing room or something, which store d'you think's gonna be missing inventory? Likewise, a few months ago, Dr. Flash Amazing's across the street neighbor had his sound system snaked, courtesy of a busted out window (insult to injury -- jerkwads). Neighbor in question had no alarm, and presumably had the faceplate on (not 100% sure). DFA's car, directly across the street, has an unusually bright LED for the alarm, the stereo face was off, and the disc changer is out of sight. It just seems like, if every car at the trailhead/in the parking lot/wherever has got a stereo, and yours is the only one that doesn't have a faceplate, they're gonna go after someone else and up their chances. You might even get all Radio Shack and rig up a blinking LED on your dash board for good measure.

Poor waterlogged alpinistas. The Mammut Tusk is the bestfuckingrope ever. Sooooo supple. Rrrrowwwwrrrr.

Erik, yeah, just gotta sharpen up this corkscrew and this shishkabob skewer and finish driving nails through these Adidas shelltoes and it's on. New-wave Russian-style mixed tools are the shit! Oh, and you got a poncho DFA could borrow? Fuckin' fireproof Schoeller spacesuit is at the cleaners getting some stains removed, and the bastards won't have it done 'til mid-July. Later on!

DFA's got a pimp mountainbicycle for sale. 18" Aluminium frame, Marzocchi front shox, all LX w/XT rear (generic cranx, sorry), SPD pedals, road and basically unused dirt tires, lock, seat bag, cheap light. Make an offer. The Doctor's unemployed, so he can deliver it for a nominal fee.

What, just tuck the tails into your shorts and use them as flags, or what? Perhaps it is a little harder to grab someone's flag when it's snappin' at you.

What about the unbelievably ill-behaved and halfwitted black labrador retriever?