funny in August

[freeclimb9]

A new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest says, "Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."

The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'"

[b-rock]

Q. What's brown and sticky?

 

A. A stick.

 

[Cpt.Caveman]

The funniest thing I saw in August-

 

This dude eating spaghetti with a tree branch.

 

[Big_Wave_Dave]

Is he the Fed-Ex delivery guy?

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

You idiot! That's Dr. Flash Amazing!

[greghinemeyer]

tom hanks ?

[salbrecher]

Is it hard for the helecopter drop you off in such a dense forest?

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Nah, that's actually just downtown in the park. It looks like wilderness because the McDonald's sign in the background is burned out. If you look closely, you might be able to see the shadowy forms of two bums drinking Aqua Net in the bushes over the Doctor's left shoulder.

[freeclimb9]

LOWER SOUTHAMPTON, Pa. (AP) -- A man accused of trying to kill a friend who gave him a "wedgie" will stand trial on an attempted murder charge, a judge ruled.

 

Daniel Strouss, 19, was attending a Phish concert last year when Eric Kassoway sneaked up behind him and yanked up his underwear, according to testimony at a hearing Thursday.

 

Strouss, of Richboro, held a grudge for months before shooting Kassoway on June 12, authorities said.

 

On the night of the shooting, Strouss drove to Kassoway's home and waited until Kassoway came home, then shot him in the arm and leg, authorities said. Kassoway nearly died from loss of blood.

 

Strouss' attorney, Al Cepparulo, said he did not dispute the prosecution's version of events.

 

"This is a tragedy for the victim. All I can say is my client is going through therapy," he said last week.

[erik]

I GUESS THAT GUY REALLY GOT INTO THE GROOvE AT THE PHISH SHOW

 

 

[ 08-26-2002, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: erik ]

[Dwayner]

 

Yessss! I think I'd like a just a yummy small salad, a slice of that gorgeous brie and an enchanting goblet of Chardonnay, please. And by the way, I just ADORE the floral arrangments!

[Dru]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cpt.Caveman:

The funniest thing I saw in August-

 

This dude eating spaghetti with a tree branch.

 

---

Duzzn't he knoiw that you're supposed to eat food with a LOST ARROW to show you're a hardman?

[Dwayner]

"Duzzn't he knoiw that you're supposed to eat food with a LOST ARROW to show you're a hardman?"

 

Oooohhh! A "Lost Arrow"! Shades of Longfellow!! Everybody step back....I feel a spontaneous, luxurious haiku breaking forth...

 

 

Sorry, people! It was just gas!

[freeclimb9]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

[MysticNacho]

Hey, that joke was already on this site! Bwoop bwoop! Originality police!

[freeclimb9]

you know, the thing about alzheimers is that you meet so many new people.

[freeclimb9]

FRESNO, Calif. - A husband and wife pulled guns on each other and shot it out at church during a marriage counseling session after he arrived late drinking a beer.

Both were wounded.

With a beer in one hand and a gun in the other, Michael Martin shot his wife Wednesday as she tried to walk out of the meeting at St. James Episcopal Cathedral, their counselor said Thursday. A bleeding Bonnie Martin pulled a pistol from her purse and shot her husband in the shoulder.

The two took the gun battle outside, where Bonnie Martin collapsed and was fired on again. Martin allegedly hit his wife at least once more before he ran out of bullets.

"It's a good thing that he had been drinking because he could have hit her more," said the Rev. Bud Searcy, head of the New Creation Ministries, which runs the counseling sessions. "He was a lousy shot."

Martin was treated at a hospital and released; Bonnie Martin was in serious condition Thursday.

Police said they will seek attempted murder charges against both.

The shooting occurred shortly after Martin arrived late for the counseling at St. James, which rents out an office to Searcy's group.

"They were arguing. It was your typical domestic dispute. Then the fireworks started," said the Rev. Russell Willingham, the Martins' counselor.

Bonnie Martin had filed divorce papers against her husband three times since 1989, most recently in February.

The Rev. Carlos Raines, dean at St. James, observed that marriage counseling can be a risky business.

"It's the kind of counseling that people fear," he said. "It could have happened here in my office as anywhere else. You always start to wonder if some spouse is going to show up one day with a gun."