[TR] Hood - The Queue 6/28/2010

[Major Major]

Trip: Hood - The Queue

 

Date: 6/28/2010

 

Trip Report:

It was Sunday morning at approximately 1:35. With the lick of a finger to determine wind direction and a deep breath, it was a 'go' decision. GPS on. Crampons ready. Locator/GPS/avy/spot beacon on. It was time to go. We took a steady yet ambitious pace with the goal of reaching the summit in record time. Everything was going fine until we lost a climber due to bad breakfast and a penchant for beer. That's ok, I thought, we can do this. It happens, you know. And so we left the registration hut.

 

We continued on. Four hours later we're watching the red horizon creep into the dark on the top of Palmer. It's beautiful until I look over and a giant female asshole is shitting and pissing all over the mountain. Sublime. By this time, I'm thinking, "fumaroles" and "shitting-pissing women," "by golly, I'm just going to do it." And so, for the first time in years, I pass quiet gas in public. No one notices, not even my climbing partner, who by now is staring at the summit with a bloody wolverine grin. He looked like he was about to eat a small child.

 

And so we continued. By now I felt like sharting, but I knew it was time to enter the pearly gates. Perhaps I could take a shit on the summit, I thought (secretly knowing there would be too many cameras up there). Or, perhaps I could shit off the Pearly Gates. I mean, who hasn't considered shitting on the other climbers. They'd be like, "watch out for the ice fall, fuck, it's shit." This could be the ultimate triumph. At this point we noticed the herds climbing the Old Chute, so we went for the Pearly Gates. With a total lack of ice fall and semi-exposed bergschrund, we soon found ourselves taking summit picture doing ice axes high fives and cheering like titans. And yet, my mind was in a different place. I was surrounded by climbers; there was no outhouse as promised. As I waited in the queue to descend, all I could think of was my bowel problem.

 

This was no ordinary climb, for I was carrying a scatological nightmare. When we reached the ski slope after descending Palmer, I took off on a kid's sled down the hill hitting top flux capacitor speeds. I could see the jealousy in every climber's face, "that ass is cheating." Finally, I was in the bathroom at Timberline. Damn. Constipation.

 

 

 

 

Gear Notes:

Pop tarts.

Duct tape.

Ice axe.

Leg warmers.

Climbing partner.

Edited June 29, 2010 by Major Major

[benb]

so funny.

[PaulO]

When I went up mid May I too was shocked by the sheer number of guys who just whipped it out in broad daylight to take a piss right in the midst of all of the fellow climbers. No etiquette required any longer. Any idiot can be amongst the horde. It was just plain gross.

[Cobra_Commander]

At least no one got dump fragments on your rope accidentally. It has happened. Hogsback is thunderdome.

[olyclimber]

So they removed the outhouse? I usually bring one of these just in case:

 

http://www.ghilliegear.com/tepee-shower-outhouse-fiberglass-poles-p-512.html

 

[Cobra_Commander]

The outhouse still exists, it's just where you're standing.

 

WTF is up with the smaller one in that picture? Is it for the cat? Do they work like russian dolls?

[olyclimber]

Its for mother climbers that have toddler in tow.

 

I wonder: was it the pop-tarts that caused the constipation? Also, would it have not been quicker to just take the kids sled from the top of the Pearly Gates? Or the Chute?

[ivan]

major major major major

[111]

Trip: Hood - The Queue

 

Finally, I was in the bathroom at Timberline. Damn. Constipation.

 

 

 

 

Gear Notes:

Pop tarts.

 

...and why are you surprised at your bowel adventures?!?

[Holk]

I think I may have spoken with that woman just prior to that incident, how fortunate I count myself now.

 

My biggest beef was with these groups of roped climbers who didn't know what they were doing.

 

Why I stopped to take this photo and not instead get the hell out of their fall line without hesitation I still don't know.

 

[Major Major]

This could be the perfect picture with me sledding down on the left side. Call it 'bowling for climbers'. I actually really admire those nice steps. They were amazing; it was like walking down several flights of a parking garage. I should grab some of my old rope and set up a fixed line right there. Maybe I could even bring a ladder to put over the berg.

[LonelySummit]

You could use that sleeping pad that number 2 is packing. Or maybe the sink.

[sean_beanntan]

Holk, "my biggest beef was with these groups of roped climbers who didn't know what they were doing."

 

What do you mean by your comment? The photo looks like a guided group, the guide is in the back as a anchor. The technique is called short roping, check out the AMGA, IFMGA sites. Under certain conditions this is the best way to climb up and down the mountain. Its based on low dynamic loading, semi static falls, no rope stretch, no snow touching slack in the rope.

 

Before a climber falls fast and has to self arrest, he loses his balance, slips, falls and then falls out of control, Short roping catches the loss of balance or the slip before it becomes a fall. This is far more effective than "long ropers" climbing with no pickets, (they dont count if they stay on your pack) separated by 60 feet of rope with bundles of slack in their hands...which they will immediately drop if they fall, creating even more slack.

 

If you still think this technique is unsafe, check out how many guided accidents there have been on Mt Hood versus independent climbers. Its about control and not the illusion of control that matters

[Maine-iac]

While this vary well could be a guided group, their guide is not doing a very good job. What you stated as the technique for short roping is not exactly seen in that photo.

 

I agree with Holk's statement. Climbers + Ropes + Hood = potentially scary situation.

 

 

[denalidave]

The outhouse still exists, it's just where you're standing.

Must be why it's called an OUT house...

[sean_beanntan]

Maine-iac, Holk was commenting on a group climbing that he saw?, I was commenting on a technique to explain the group but you are commenting on a single photo at 1/8 of a second? I agree while there appears to be slack in the rope, its a photo of an instant in time, maybe if he knew he was being observed, he would have done it better.

[summitchaserCJB]

cool bro

[summitchaserCJB]

Don't forget the four loko

[Maine-iac]

Sean, fair enough. Personally, I doubt that it is a guided climb as nobody has a helmet on and it is TMG's policy to have helmets. My guess it's the Mazamas.

[YocumRidge]

No, not enough bodies to be Mazamas. Try like a megaparty of 12!

[letsroll]

no helmet = not a Mazama party.

[Snowman_Jim]

I agree while there appears to be slack in the rope, its a photo of an instant in time, maybe if he knew he was being observed, he would have done it better.

 

I don't have any comment on the photo, haven't even looked at it. But I find this comment interesting. This is something you do better when somebody is watching? Or evaluating? As opposed to other times?