Dwayner Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Shucks! Some of us, well, how should I say this....we've been a little harsh on you gri-gri squeezin' gym rats and your related brethren, the "draw"-clipping sport-climbers and sketch-pad tumblin' boulder aficionados. And you know...(this is kind of hard...humbling myself and all)...uh...I'm really quite envious of all the fun yer havin' and so forth and although I'm not very good at apologies, I'd rather let actions demonstrate my feelings rather than mere words. (No, it ain't a scholarship to send kids to bouldering camp). As such, I have created something in your honor: the new sit-start to the Town Crier route at the Index Upper Town Wall. It's way sketchy (did I say committing?) and involves a finger-lock to a crimpy dime-edge followed by an explosive dyno to a standing position at which point the route is continued as normal. The rating is now 5.8+, C2, B2. I considered adding a bolt to protect this bold move, but I'll wait to see what the concensus dictates. So here's a toast to you, my sequence-miming boulder-soldiers! And another hearty sip to you "clip, dangle and rehearse masters of the 5.14"! Some of you may venture to the Upper Wall just to give it a try and who knows? maybe Green Dragon, Golden Arches and the other stale classics will be enriched by similar efforts by those who point the way to an impressive future. Allez!!! Dwayner.....been dddddddddrrrrrinkin' again!! Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Sorry, but my projects this summer are Thin Fingers and Slow Children. Perfect for me 'cause I am just a slow child with skinny fingers. My question for all the guru Cascade Trad Climbers is this: Can I still call it a red-point if I pre-place all the pro on rappel? I realize that this action will be shuned by the Cascade Trad King Alliance, but will it keep me out of the club? In fact, while we are on the subject, can any of the "masters" give me a list of pre-requsites? I have a longggggg way to go before submitting my application to the Trad klan, so I'd like to get started ASAP. Is it against the code if I wear my helmet, and use my half ropes? The last time I went up to slow children, one of the local Trad Kings gave me the common look of despise. I don't understand? I once lived in Chicago where the Latin Kings used to walk around flashing gang signs. Do the Trad Kings have any tags or hand signals? I'd love to go tag the lower wall, but then I guess I'd just be a poser. Ohhh, I hope someday I will be accepted in the Trad Kings!!!! If not I may just have to move to some other range where all types of climbing are admired and acepted. That paradise must exist. Obviously not here, but somewhere... Quote
rayborbon Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Bottom Line your name is Lamboner so you will never be in Also we are not the Trad Kings anyway. Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 P.S. I think Slow children could be upgraded to at least 11b with a sit start off the ledge. But Thin Fingers is defenately only 10c if you DYNO past the crux slab. What does the Guru King Of The Index Trad Klan think? Todd Skiner already worked on Town Crier and said it was a choss heap. Â Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 First Prerequisite is lots of ganja smoking. Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Oh come on ray, we all know why Outerspace is your favorite climb. It's not the hand crack. Is that the Trad Klans secret meeting spot? Plus give me a break I'm from Montana. Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 If your name aint Rush Twilley you aint in Lambonehead Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Do I have to puff beforehand? Cause dope makes me paranoid when I'm trad climbing. Will it be ok to burn down after topping out? Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 You have to puff all the time!! Can't Weasel Out man! See you dont make the grade already ... Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Do you guys all listen to Bob Marley on the drive up to Index? Those smooth tunes of Jah Love must get you so stoaked to crank! Freakin' hippies... I cut my dreads off after one got caught in my rappel device in Yosemite. Plus, I perfer to climb on mushrooms. Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Hey, I thought Dwayner was the president of the Trad Klan. You guys are like treasurer and secretary. I wan't to talk to the boss! Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 NO Lammy, I also listen to rowdy music have tattoos and sport a very short haircut. I am somewhat hostile at times and completely hostile when provoked. I do listen to Marley and sorry to hear about your fungus hair getting chopped off Oh and we don't know the bozo that started the thread anyway... [This message has been edited by Cpt.Caveman (edited 05-30-2001).] Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Who's lame ass picture of some stupid Water Ice 2 is on the home page. It's been on there for like 8 months, and it is a discrace to Washington Ice climbers. I know it's one of your Trad Klan croneys. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't want to be accepted into your stupid gang of stoners anyway. I am going to start my own club! Caveman, if you put the pipe down maybe you'll get more climbing in and lose the beer belly! [This message has been edited by lambone (edited 05-30-2001).] Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Hmm Generate hostilities... Maybe I'll come over to see you at work in about 15 minutes........... Quote
Lambone Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 OOOOH scary. Oh, chill out man. I'm just poking fun. Plus I'm not at work, so it won't do you any good to go over there. Unless you want to train. Are you the guy who walked in and killed all those people at work last year? All you guys can dish out so much crap, but if someone gets on your case all of a sudden its a hostile situation! Go smoke a bowl. Don't you know that the FBI red flags any drug related material on the web! Hey, I am glad that someone else thinks Dwayner is a bozo. At least we agree on something. [This message has been edited by lambone (edited 05-30-2001).] [This message has been edited by lambone (edited 05-30-2001).] Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Saright Lammy, I am smoking a bowl fer lunch. But I should just forget about sporto gym climbers anyway. Go crank some plastic. BTW I am Ray so we are one in the same hoser. Quote
mikeadam Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 You know I've been trying to get the webmaster to take down those stupid pictures for like eons now and he hasn't replied to me. It was a joke when I sent them in anyway. Glad someone finally called them what they are and they ARE pathetic, but there is a story behind them. I particulary like Fortiers stunning technique. Note the absence of front points in ice as left foot is splayed sideways. Only on grade1 eh? Take it easy ladies, I'm going to go admire my new sketch pad while I paint a circled target ring in the middle of it Toby Henson lives! Mike Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 BTW The fat gut helps in the offwidth chimneys. Off to Hyperspace Quote
erik Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 i-am-a-bone fell free to send me cash in the amount of $10.00 to join to cascade boner climbing club. you will be the only official member and can do as you please. as far as your concerns go for the climbing. it is soley up to you. i don't care how you climb your projects. but they are worthy ones, as i have spent many hours flaling on them, to acheive that oh so important clean ascent. and there is nothing wrong to listening to bob marley any time. sounds as if you have an acceptance problem. or are just that rarified supe dude who transends all that is good, just without knowing. jah oh yeah good luck on your projects as well. remember your #3 stopper and purple tcu respectivly. [This message has been edited by erik (edited 05-30-2001).] Quote
Dwayner Posted May 30, 2001 Author Posted May 30, 2001 Iambone: So you want to join the ranks of the Trad Kings do you? There's two ways to go: You can either forget everything you know (all the back-steppin', rap-bolting, Gaston's, hold-doctoring, etc.) and start over; or, we can try to find a professional deprogrammer or some aversion therapy. Something that will make you puke everytime you think of the words "Little Si" or "Exit 38". Unfortunately it will take you a few years to be a Trad Master, unlike the half-hour it takes to master all the skills needed to sport climb. Yes, there are some rules and here are a few: No indiscriminate bolting. No rap bolting. Place your own gear from the bottom up; no pre-placed gear unless it is fixed. No repetitive rehersals which is an indication the route is way too hard for you. Aid is OK as long as you're careful and, you acknowledge that it is not free-climbing. (Hanging on a rope, shaking out arms in between bolts might be considered aid.) We don't have any secret handshakes or signals (you seem disturbingly familiar with gang terminology) but if we do, we couldn't tell you anyway. And there are no "tags", although sport climbers have plenty: THEY'RE CALLED BOLTS!!!! RE: Thin Fingers: an admirable goal, young man, and do wear a helmet. Perhaps you heard the story of the late great Paul Boving. He was one of the BEST rock climbers in the country in the late 1970's and certainly the best in the Pacific Northwest. Boving died on the route. I think he zipped his pro and hit the ledge below the crack, smacking his noggin hard! True! (Index be a good place to wear a helmet; from rock fall to tumbling gumby-gear). Iambone. Come here. I've got a hanky in my pocket....Don't worry, it's clean. Now listen to me. Yes, we all love you here in the Cascades, even if you're from Montana (where in my opinion, at least, the sheep are cuter than even in Wyoming!). You can climb here, and no one is gonna stop you unless you do something really bad or endanger us. We do, apparently come from oppossing and often competing philosophies, and in this big brutal diverse democratic world, that's something you're just going to have to deal with. (By the way, living with diversity doesn't mean ACCEPTING as legitimate or ENDORSING any old crap that comes your way (e.g. sport climbing), but it usually means tolerating it until it steps on our toes (which the bolts are starting to), or the laws are changed (restricting bolting, perhaps? Ahhhhhh!!!! I can see the future!!!!). In the meantime, me and some of the other "Trad Kings" will do our best to reform your miserable draw-clippin' soul until you're ready to become one of us. Until that happens, we'll just have to bitch back and forth, preferably over some ice-cold beers. What? It's almost 11:30? Damn! I didn't even finish my breakfast sixer of Mickey's! See what you sport climbers made me do! (By the way, not all trad climbers are pot-heads. I prefer allllllllllllllccccccccccccooooooooo-hol myself. "Hugs!" - Dwayner P.S. Brother Cave-Dude! Don't call me a bozo! What's with that? Jus trying to help you and your pals have a good time! Peace, m'friend! [This message has been edited by Dwayner (edited 05-30-2001).] Quote
Chongo Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Cave dood gets all excited D. You gotta work through it sometimes. Quote
Chepe Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 I know what a bonehead he is sometimes. He means well though.. Quote
pope Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Hey Ama Boner, Firstly, you need to lose the loser-speak. If you truly want to belong, you can't be hobbling around on the crutch that sport climbers so conveniently employ to euphemize their substandard peformances. Red point? What the fu@k is that? We have just two styles of ascent: free and aid. If you didn't set the pro during the ascent, you must have put it in on rap or on a previous ascent in which you fell or hung. Thus, previously secured protection points are the aid man's artifice. It's amazing what we have to explain to the kids these days. Secondly, Outer Space is popular among those who like a good read on Library Ledge. Since the reading materials found in the "library" require an appreciation for the female form, few sport climbers will be found up there. Third, Dwayner is a sloppy drunk who's drowning the memory of when Donna refused to dance with him at the Post Office. He gets obnoxiously emotional when he drinks, to the point where his addiction becomes everybody else's problem. Once, he and I went out to Exit 38 with a sixer of Oly. After a big day on Guye Peak, we thought we might reward ourselves by drinking a few beers and watching a free circus. Well, when we parked the car, Dwayner announced that our beer was running short: he'd drained six beers between the Pass and Exit 38! What a pathetic lush. I spent the rest of the day apologizing for my pal as he yelled up such encouragements as, "Hey, you might as well get your aiders out now.. I saw you pull on that sling. Pussy! Spot Dog! Wiener!" Quote
specialed Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Its not like Outer Space is some lofty bastion of trad climbing or something. Its a non-committing afternoon romp that requires a small rack. You all should go to Blodgett Canyon, Montana to experience the real deal. Anyway, I heard Boving died soling some route in Tieton canyon or somewhere. Quote
Cpt.Caveman Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 Pope this guy sounds like me. Pope you smoke rope? Quote
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