a letter to the MINIONS

[pink]

 

To All My Valued Employees,

 

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

 

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

 

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

 

However, what you don't see is the back story.

 

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

 

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

 

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

 

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.

 

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

 

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.

 

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

 

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

 

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

 

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

 

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

 

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

 

So where am I going with all this?

 

It's quite simple.

 

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

 

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

 

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

 

Signed,

Your boss

[akhalteke]

Nice

[bradleym]

yup, there is only a single side to every story, and all people are either producers or welfare queens.

 

thank you for your contribution.

[kevbone]

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

 

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all departments, we

are

 

forced to cut back on personnel.

 

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement,

 

thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

 

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the

 

Current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect

 

immediately.

 

This program will be known as SLAP . (Sever Late-Age Personnel).

 

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs

 

outside the company.

 

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before

 

actual retirement takes place.

 

This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities

 

of Retired Early Workers).

 

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with

 

upper management.

 

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following

 

Termination).

 

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,

 

SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems

 

appropriate.

 

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to

 

get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or

 

CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment).

 

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, an employee who has

 

received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the

 

company again.

 

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board

 

that the company will continue its policy of training employees through

 

our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).

 

We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive and we have

 

given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any

 

employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your

 

immediate supervisor.

 

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the

 

SHIT you can stand.

 

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

 

The Management

 

[billcoe]

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

 

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

 

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

 

Signed,

Your boss

 

Glad I don't work for that uncaring asshole.

[tvashtarkatena]

Get back to work, all of you.

[prole]

To All My Valued Employees,

 

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

 

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

 

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

 

However, what you don't see is the back story.

 

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

 

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

 

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

 

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.

 

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

 

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.

 

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

 

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

 

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

 

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

 

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

 

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

 

So where am I going with all this?

 

It's quite simple.

 

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

 

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

 

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

 

Signed,

Your boss

 

Let 'em burn.

[sobo]

To All My Valued Employees,

 

...

 

Signed,

Your boss

Hey pink, if you're going to quote someone else's work verbatim, at least give them the credit for coming up with the concept.

[kevbone]

Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth.

 

We can only hope. Most likely bought a new car, gave yourself a huge raise and still fired a couple of employee's.

[prole]

Hey pink, if you're going to quote someone else's work verbatim, at least give them the credit for coming up with the concept.

 

Yeah, no kidding. Here it is in all its glory.

[tvashtarkatena]

Dare to imagine a world with no government.

[kevbone]

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing poor people that other poor people are the problem. “Sure, I go swimming in a big vault of gold every day, but that’s not why you can’t feed your children, that’s because of those other people that can’t feed their children, blame them.”

 

 

 

How many CEO’s actually brought their companies up from the ground anyway? I’m betting two. Maybe.

 

[tvashtarkatena]

"In a world...

...where pregnant black teenage welfare moms...

...have made Hard Work punishable by meth...and honest, hardworking, job creating small business owners...are hunted down like dogs,

One Man...sets his unfinished pina colada down...to rise up...and fight back...cuz Baby's sure got a lot of it."

 

Fighting Back

 

"Its time to kick some fat black pregnant teenage ass"

 

Now playing at selected theaters

 

www.FightingBackTheMovie.com

 

Edited February 18, 2009 by tvashtarkatena

[el jefe]

dare to imagine a world without assholes like pink.

[j_b]

the US is actually a corporate tax haven, with the lowest effective corporate tax rates of almost all the countries that participate in the OECD

http://ataxingmatter.blogs.com/tax/2008/08/tax-foundation.html

[pink]

dare to imagine a world without assholes like pink.

 

 

i luv when libtards get all riled up........

 

 

 

[pink]

Hey pink, if you're going to quote someone else's work verbatim, at least give them the credit for coming up with the concept.

 

Yeah, no kidding. Here it is in all its glory.

 

way to werk the search engine prole

[eldiente]

Your quoting Young Republicans of New York? What all three of them from Buffalo?

 

I'l try anything once. For the last 6 years we tried lower taxes on the wealthy, that was a disaster, even the wealthy people ended up hurting. Take a look at this link.

 

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/02/clinton-economic-record-and-rising.html

 

During the Clinton years, the rich were taxed heavily yet they still made more money (in relation to inflation) than they ever did during Regan/ Bush years. Also note that during this time where we were taxing the rich heavily, the poor folks actually did better for themselves too. During the Bush years, taxes went down, and the rich ended up doing very poorly as did the lower class. Draw your own conclusions but in the last 30 years, cutting taxes for rich folks hasn't helped anyone, including the rich.

 

-Nate

Edited February 18, 2009 by eldiente

[billcoe]

dare to imagine a world without assholes like pink.

 

Dude, you got some learnin' to do: Pink RULES!!!!!

[pink]

aww, thanks bill!

[JosephH]

...it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever.

 

That constitution-steamrolling hurricane which fostered this shitstorm is called the "Bush Administration" - the 'stimulus' response and all that follows can be laid at there feet for squandering three trillion we'd otherwise have to deal with this mess. There is no aspect of their wars which couldn't have been handled with a little patience and Predators.

[sobo]

...it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever.

 

That constitution-steamrolling hurricane which fostered this shitstorm is called the "Bush Administration" - the 'stimulus' response and all that follows can be laid at there feet for squandering three trillion we'd otherwise have to deal with this mess. There is no aspect of their wars which couldn't have been handled with a little patience and Predators.

Not to quibble with you, Joe, but do your math. The economic shitstorm we are in, and the "stimulus" package that hopes to pull us out (or get us through, depending upon who you believe) are the result of the collapse of the housing bubble last year. That collapse has its roots in Fannie Mae's and Freddie Mac's poor lending practices to people that couldn't afford those loans, which was brought on by Carter Administration legislation (Community Reinvestment Act of 1977) that provided for more Americans to own homes (never mind that they couldn't afford them), and furthered by the Clinton Administration (Community Reinvestment Act - numerous changes during the Clinton years) which sought and achieved sweeping changes in Carter's original legislation that opened the doors to even more unaffordable homes to even less-qualified borrowers, and opposed by both (former) President Bush and Senator McCain, who sought regulation of the lending industry to prevent just such a catastrophe at a time when it could have been prevented, but was vehemently opposed by, riddled with bullets by, and shot from the sky by the likes of Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, Franklin Raines, (then) Senator Obama, and others. Yes, you probably recognize those names, huh?

[prole]

Blaming Freddie and Fannie for the global economic meltdown is akin to blaming WWI on Gavrilo Princip. You mistake a catalyst for the cause.

[sobo]

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are accomplices. The "criminal" is the Carter Administration legislation that forced the accomplices to make bad loans to people that couldn't afford them, then was further aggravated by the Clinton Administration's insistence that not enough (bad) loans were being made to people that could afford them even less than the first group. Hardly a catalyst, prole - it is the cause.

[kevbone]

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are accomplices. The "criminal" is the Carter Administration legislation that forced the accomplices to make bad loans to people that couldn't afford them,

 

What....did they have a gun to their head? No.....it was a choice.