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pope

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A while back I was pokin’ fun at those bouldering pads we see with increasing regularity, when CC.com member “Freak” informed me that he considered his pad to be not only a bouldering safety net, but also a “portable fornication facilitator” or some such thing. This started me to thinking that with the currrent popularity of bouldering (as an important mountaineering pursuit all its own), I certainly have seen more females out and about. Let’s face it, when many of us started, there were very few gals willing to put up with the stinky sleeping bags, the effects of wind and sun on the complexion, the foul-mouthed jerks who are attracted to this sport, the bugs and critters, etc. The minimal equipment involved in bouldering, together with its obvious fun-factor, is probably responsible for opening up the sport to more girls.

With the potential of meeting more ladies in the climbing circle, and with Freak’s innovative application of the bouldering pad, I’ve got an idea for a new product that is sure to make bouldering even more attractive to the ladies. I personally have no use for such gimmicks, as I’m a married man, and even when I was on the prowl, girls were just a distraction from pursuing mountaineering excellence.

Anyway, I’m considering producing and marketing floral-print and pastel bouldering-pad slip-covers. Perfumed models would be available, and they’d be completely washable so that evidence of their many applications could easily be removed. I’m planning to have a velcro or draw-string fastening system so that you could easily remove the slip-cover when not climbing with girls. A prototype has been tested with excellent results: the slip-cover did not interfere with the pad’s ability to absorb the energy of falling bodies. Furthermore, and most importantly, the girls were more likely to lie around on the pad for long periods of time after each fall! Hotcha!

[ 01-27-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

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largeimage-5389.jpg

Great idea Pope...much like the waterborne version. I personnally can attest to the viability of Pope's idea.

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No problem. We can even treat them with a stain-resistant teflon spray. Just a bit of advice: no matter how charming you are, and no matter how impressed she is with your new floral-print bouldering pad, if you're stupid enough to ask her to carry it around for you, she's going to think you're a loser.

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Maybe you should take your idea to Kavu and test market it at the Fremont Sunday Market???? Even better...take it BIG LOU and he could plaster RMI all over it....thats sure to make the girls swoon!

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quote:

Originally posted by icegirl:
heh heh...

wink.gif" border="0

Oh baby, let me carry your bouldering pad...

Sounds to much like maxi pad. . .

horsetooth1.jpeg

it is!!!!!

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Hey pope! I smell trouble with your stinky bouldering pad idea. What happens when you come home from your climbing trip and your wife/girlfriend smells someone else's bouldering pad on your person? The frying pan and/or rolling pin will make a quick appearance and you are toast. It alls sounds a little too dangerous to me. I suppose that you can always try the "honest, honey! I wasn't hanging out with my weekend climbing-Betty-sidedish, I was out with the guys at a new German-themed strip club in Leavenworth!", but this only tends to work once and has its own concequences.

- Dwayner

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quote:

Originally posted by Dwayner:
I was out with the guys at a new German-themed strip club in Leavenworth- Dwayner

You must be talking about schlangenschmecker's new joint-Der Deja Booben Graben ze Shnitzel Haus

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Ya gut, vee are open und ready to take your money. You may leeef your floral bouldering pad by der Front Steet entrance...or maybe you vould like to bring it in, just in case ze couches are occupied und Frau Eva vants to treat you to a Two-Fer. Just remember, vee run a respectable business...no sport klimerz vill be admitted.

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Ya, vee had to let go this Mr. RURP fellow. Ze girls vould alvays komplain das Herr RURP vas stealing various klothing artikles from zem, und furthermore alvays asking for telephone numbers und free dances und such. Und, venn it vas time to bounce unruly guests, Herr RURP vas found to be kompletely inept: he has difficulty to punch his vay out of a vett paper bag!

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HEY COLIN! YES YOU, COLIN! I was snoopin' around on "Who's On-Line" and saw you reading this crap. Listen, young man, before you pack up your car, smash your piggy bank and drive to Leavenworth, you must know that this exotic dance club in Leavenworth is purely fictional!

[ 01-28-2002: Message edited by: pope ]

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No, Pope, it's not fake- I was there and got a great lap dance from a girl named Heidi. Looked kinda like the St.Pauli Girl. If you go, ask for the "Trad Climber's Trad-Couch-Dance Special".

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This is RURP:

Schlangelieber and Dwayner: Both of you guys are full of crap. You are both Untermensch as are the other ones in this so-called "discussion" who think they are experts on all things Germanic. I hope your little Leavenworth couch-dancing whores kick you in the groin with their big black boots. With all of that money you spend on those strippers, you could be going on your Big Wall dream climb. Instead, you are little teenage boys who believe those little tramps when they pretend that they are interested in your fancy alpine exploits so that you will have them wiggle their perfumed butts all over your lap and take your $20 in three minutes time.

RURP has spoken.

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They even have something for you RURP. It's called a "Big Valls und Big Boobs" punch card. Every three big walls you complete earns you a two-girl dance, ("Der Double Team" is what they call it) FREE! That's right, FREE!

[ 01-29-2002: Message edited by: W ]

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One should not believe Herr RURP venn he such ludicrous comments makes. Venn RURP und I vere on better terms (remember RURPY boy?), he informed me das he does to patronize such venues, und he alzo shared the URL to a prima photo of Julie Andrews in her Geburtstags Kleidung. Das war wunderbar!

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This is RURP:

Schlangesauger: Why do you lie so much. I do not know you, I do not want to know you, and you sound like a giant girlie-boy. I hope your English is better than your phony German, or maybe that is how you attract your high quality girlfriends in the strip club.

RURP has spoken.

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Come on RURP, out with it. We all want the URL to Julie Andrews' photo! URL! URL! URL!URL!URL!URL! URL! URL! URL!URL!URL!URL! URL! URL! URL!URL!URL!URL! URL! URL! URL!URL!URL!URL........

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And here's another idea, for anybody who recognizes an opportunity for a quick profit. Your average boulder hopper secretly wants to know what it feels like to get way off the deck, but he lacks the vision and courage to get on the sharp end. Hence, the need for another fine product (coming to the REI stocking-stuffer isle for the holidays): a bouldering pad slip-cover with a silk-screened photo of El Cap Meadows, taken from high on the Nose. That's right, the photo selected is of such high resolution that one may even observe tourist trams and gapers eating potato salad in the Meadows, and if you look carefully, you will see a full rack of cams and a jug of water tumbling down Free Blast. Johnny Bachar is visible only two pitches below, 80 feet out on his last nut and obviously climbing up your ass.

 

One look down at this pad (from the third move on your garage woody) and you'll be sure to capture that big-wall ambience, which may be just what you need to stick the big dyno (and crap your pants in the process).

 

Speculators and serious investors may send me a PM.

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Has anyone considered that the kind of women climbing out there these days DON'T want flower patterns and pastels? maybe you havn't seen some of them [Eek!] but I can't help but think they might not be down with that.

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Tier der Oberseite der Seite [big Grin]

 

[ 11-25-2002, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: Dru ]

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