Kitergal Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 A pirate walks into a bar...with a steering wheel stuck to his crotch. the bartender looks at him...says...what the fuck? why is there a steering wheel stuck to your crotch?? The pirate says...ARRRGGG!! It's driving me nutz!!! Have a good day ya'all!! Quote
BachelorTravis Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Kitergal: has any one every given you the "pirate"? Quote
olyclimber Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg! Quote
olyclimber Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Your out of your element, Oly Let me tell you who is out of their element, Dude! Quote
G-spotter Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook? An arm and a leg! Don't you fucking mean an ARRRRRRRRRm and a leg? Quote
whidbey Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Voodoo Dick There was this Pirate who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing,nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoodick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The Pirate laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he wasgone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how toshut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right... Voodoo dick, my ass!" Quote
layton Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 that was a lot of words just there. too much for my skimming ability to handle. Quote
ivan Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 it ends w/ a cop being sodomized by a possessed dildo - some things are worth reading... Quote
billcoe Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 it ends w/ a cop being sodomized by a possessed dildo - some things are worth reading... Like most of the stuff you write! OMG that's classic. I gotta do some work. See ya all. Quote
whidbey Posted June 11, 2006 Posted June 11, 2006 Why did the pirate get shot by a prostitute? Because he was singing "Yo, Ho, Ho!" Quote
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