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Necronomicon

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As I was driving around this summer, I was thinking of Eastern Bloc alpine climbing competitions and how, from my knowledge, there is no Pacific Northwest equivalent. I've decided to abandon a lot of the logistical complexities and I bring to you...

 

THE FIRST ANNUAL 2003 "HARDMAN" ALPINE CLIMBING COMPETITION

 

There are three Objectives:

 

1)Spindrift Colouir on Big Four

2)North Face of Greybeard

3)Watusi Rodeo(with the Twight/Bebie direct finish) on Colonial Peak

 

All three ascents must be completed between January 1st and April 15th, 2003. Photographic documentation for successful completion of each climb must be provided to the "Judge"(me). I am also a competitor.

 

The first team of two, or person, to complete these three routes in the alotted time frame will receive 1 case each (that's 24 beers where I come from) of Corona, six fresh limes, and a T-Shirt declaring them the Winner.

 

So, start your training now by laying in a tub of ice and beating yourself in the groin with a meter stick, if you think you're up for the challenge.

-J

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to be fare I don't think that you can judge and compete. Because I have NO CHANCE of doing said climbs this year... I volenteer to be the judge. I'm warning you though, you better look good when you get to the top for the photo op [Wink][big Grin]

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quote:

Originally posted by Necronomicon:

The first team of two, or person, to complete these three routes in the alotted time frame will receive 1 case each (that's 24 beers where I come from) of Corona, six fresh limes, and a T-Shirt declaring them the Winner.

Corona and limes? Come on you got to do better than that!

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given the required time frame, I think graybeard might be the hardest tick on Necro’s list. the other two have good road access all winter, but GB poses a serious logistical challenge, unless you happen to own a snowmobile.

 

isn’t it more in the eastern euro tradition to have a prize for the first ascent or repeat of some coveted route? the “last great problem”?

 

not criticizing, just curious, does it really help your motivation to publicly declare your tick list, many months in advance? I’ve always kind of felt the opposite, that talking too much about a challenging route before you get up on it is kind of bad karma or something. I always feel like I ought to keep my mouth shut until I have something to talk about... (again, I don't mean this as a flame, more self-analysis)

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quote:

Originally posted by Jason Martin:

This is actually a pretty cool challenge, beer or no beer.

 

Though I agree with Forrest. I think the finish date should be a month later. May 15th Perhaps?

 

Jason

it should be "calendar winter" december 21 to march 20 or whatever. no cheating using long spring days and warm temperatures, or cold novembers with no snow or avvy hazard to climb the routes!

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I agree with the calendar winter idea but winter conditions can persist later than the calendar dates too.

 

Only real hardcore climbers would climb them all solo with one arm tied behind their backs.

 

Necronominon, if this was der euroland these routes would be sent 3 times a week and have bolted belays [Wink]

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I will attack Denny mountain with a fierce vengeance this winter. MY proof will be that I will climb it and leave a new years day 2003 newspaper clipping in a bottle on the summit. Proof I climbed it in the full winter and I am not suck and can climb the big hill [Mad][Mad][Mad] Then I will make the necessary 18 double rope rappels to reach the road [Cool]

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Greybeard will be real tough with the road closed, unless you got a snowmobile ride. Oh well. Challenges shouldn't be easy. Suffer.

 

As far as voicing my tic list for the year, these are only three routes of many, so I don't feel too bad. Also, I fall prostrate at the foot of any mountain I look at, and recognize that I am nothing, so my karma is OK for the time being.

 

-J

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Dr. Flash Amazing will trump all of you fools with a winter ascent of the remote and daunting 5 Gallon Buckets face of the awe-inspiring Morning Glory Wall of Smith Rock. Located deep in the wilderness of central Oregon, the intimidating and rarely attempted 5-GB Wall has never seen a winter ascent, and has seen few ascents in other seasons as well, due to the hellishly arduous approach and complete lack of solid protection options.

 

Keep your eyes on the covers of the AAJ, Rock & Ice, Climbing, V-Bouldering, Outside, and Martha Stewart Living (don't ask) for a glimpse of the inimitable and handsome Dr. Flash Amazing, knee-deep in hardcore alpine adventurism. Autographs available for a nominal fee, visit www.amazingco-inc.com/dr_flash_amazing/sick-ass-winter-alpine-send-o-rama-2002/promo/merchandise/spend/autographs for more information!

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