The Stupidest Thing You've Ever Heard Climbing

[Dru]

whenever im on a busy trail i like to ask the people i pass stupid questions to pass the time and see the funny looks they give

 

hiking in to garibaldi lake: "How much further to the Lions?"

 

hiking in to the lions: "What time does the gondola close?"

 

hiking in to snow lakes: "Is the ice cream stand still open?"

 

Coming down the Chief trail. Guy asked me if I had just 'climbed up the front': "There's a front to this thing?"

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

The mid 90's, a young Dr. Flash Amazing on spring break takes a trip to Red Rocks with a few chums. While checking out the Sandy Corridor at the Sandstone Quarry pullout, we encounter several gumbuses attempting to lead a mixed-pro route. They have a few draws and one large Stopper (#12 or so). They are unable to place the piece due to it being several sizes too large, and one of DFA's group finishes the route for them, saving them certain death.

 

We encounter them later, apparently done toproping a route. Two of them are at the anchor, and they elect to rappel race back to the ground. This entails one moron on each half of the rope, rapping at top speed trying to beat the other to the ground. Apparently they are unaware of what will happen when one person finishes rapping while the other gets hung up halfway up the pitch. Upon arriving at the ground at fortunately (?) about the same time, meathead one looks over and asks loudly, "wanna give it a rip?"

 

That quote lived on for years in memory of those fellows' fantastic stupidity.

[DPS]

While waiting for a flight out from KIA I started chatting with two overweight fellows wearing jeans, flannel shirts and brand new leather boots. I figured they were on the glacier landing sight seeing tour but learned they were there to climb. Their objective? West Ridge of Mt Hunter as it required no permit and they decided to take the trip only two days ago. They figured 2 days round trip for the climb because that guy over there (jerking thumb towards ultra Alaskan hardman with ascents of Cassin Ridge, Infinite Spur etc) took 3 and they would be able to do it faster with a boot track in.

[chucK]

Skiing at Alpental this year we skied down to beneath that ice climb. There were some folks there packing up. I asked them how they got their ropes up there. Probably the leader guy starts telling me in a very serious tone, some people walk up around to the side, but we climbed right up that ice there...blah blah. I then berated them for getting a bunch of ice chunks on the ski slope. I think.

[dkemp]

We were under the railroad trestle at Index, right near the put-in for the Skykomish River, putting on rafting drysuits and pfd's - van pulls up, window rolls down - "you guys climbin'?"

 

"yeah, we're climbin'."

[chucK]

Dr. Flashes story reminds me of another one...

 

Heading up to the Tooth about a month ago (still snow filling Source Lake Basin) we went by some guys hiking out at about where the snow started (1/2 mile in) and they looked at us like they were so smart and we were out of luck and one guy said, "I hope you brought snowshoes dude!"

 

That one is now burned in my brain as we now say that every time we come across a snowpatch.

 

Since I have the most posts so far on this topic, does that make me the most condescending of CC.com?

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

DFA thinks that must make you the smartest; opposites attracting and so forth. Clearly such a stunning collection of stupid encounters brands you as a fantastic genius!

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Which reminds the Doctor of the time he was lurking with some hardpersons over near Churning at Smith, and the group's attention was drawn to a pair over at the Peanut. They were toproping one of the 5.8's, and the belayer, rather than standing in one place and taking in rope, had the brilliant, groundbreaking idea to simply lock off the device and walk backwards in a plumb line down the hill, thus reeling in the rope. DFA recalls the moron being subsequently mobbed by disbelieving onlookers, and thoroughly chastised for being a threat to public safety and Smith's trail system.

[Dru]

I soloed up the NE buttress of the west lion (low 5th class)and encountered a party on top that had roped up to come up the standard route (3rd class). one of them turned to his buddy and said "we should have come up his way, you don't need ropes for that!"

[Dru]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr Flash Amazing:

Which reminds the Doctor of the time he was lurking with some hardpersons over near Churning at Smith, and the group's attention was drawn to a pair over at the Peanut. They were toproping one of the 5.8's, and the belayer, rather than standing in one place and taking in rope, had the

brilliant, groundbreaking

idea to simply lock off the device and walk backwards in a plumb line down the hill, thus reeling in the rope. DFA recalls the moron being subsequently mobbed by disbelieving onlookers, and thoroughly chastised for being a threat to public safety and Smith's trail system.

---

sounds like the Russian Belay system popular in the Crimea.

[Dr_Flash_Amazing]

Cripes! Do they actually do that? (Hopefully that doesn't get filed with the stupid things you've heard.)

[MATT_B]

These came from international tuorests visiting Tuolumne Meadows:

 

German guy asks "where are the bears" with a heavy accent. It sounds "like where are the beers"

 

German guy to his wife pointing at Lembert dome "there is Elcap"

 

A couple wander into the SAR site in the campground and help them selves to some of the firewood. We inform them it is not free for the taking. They replay "but we are french"

[horsecock]

"But we are French!" the couple says and blows through the Tioga entrance station after asked for $20 and waiting in line for 2 hours. Road Patrol 'escorted' them to the back of the line and reappeared just in time to watch them pay.

 

Another good TM one, asking about HD before they get down to the 'Walley': "Do they light it up at night?"

 

Or, another personal favorite: "Is the tram to the top of El Cap still running?"

 

At least twice a day at the entrance station: "Is that snow up there?" "Yes" At this point half of the car would start laughing and the other half would look as stupid as they should.

 

"All you need is those special shoes"

 

E: "I've got my rack and I'm ready for a summer in the Valley."

Me: "Really? What did you get?"

E: "10 quickdraws and a 50m rope"

Me: Silence.

 

 

Fun incident at Camp 4 boulders: wandering around with 12 pack trying to high point slabs. Come across guy with *new* shoes trying to impress his girlfriend on a traversing problem with a mantle finish and not making much headway. Bob asks if he can give it a run, shakily sets down empty 12er box and sends it cold.

 

"why don't you put up a fence around the campground to keep the bears out?"

 

and the list goes on....

[sayjay]

Topped out a 3-pitch climb in New Hampshire that you can drive to the top of. Very popular climbing area and very popular tourist look-out...

Came up and over the top to a family. Parents hanging out gawking at all the climbers while their ~5-year-old kid lobs fist-sized rocks over the edge of the cliff we just climbed up (!!!). Mother turns to me and says "Isn't rock climbing dangerous?"

"Yeah, especially when there's kids throwing rocks at your head!"

 

And another one, not from climbing but oh-so-stupid it's worth mentioning:

My sister, who was acting as a park service guide on one of the cruise ships in Glacier Bay Alaska, was asked by a touron: "Hey, are those islands over there attached to the bottom?"

[Dru]

"why can't i bring my gun into Canada?"

[freeclimb9]

While walking across the "belly" of Ixta, I met the group of four Guatemalans with a couple locals from Amecameca that I had shared a hut with the night before. The Guatemalans were stunned that I wasn't wearing crampons and had my axe tucked in my pack.

"Why aren't you wearing your crampons?", they asked.

While the Mexicans rolled their eyes in mimed apology, I explained to the Guatemalans that it would be hard to fall off the level plateau.

[gschryer2]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dru:

"why can't i bring my gun into Canada?"

---

And my favorite, US/Canada question: (Sorry, not climbing related, but Dru inspired me.

 

American: Do you guys drive on the other side of the road in Canada?

Me (Canadian living in States): Yeah, you should see the giant lane interchanges at all the border crossings!

 

I'll come up with a climbing related one soon....

[gschryer2]

quote:

---

Originally posted by gschryer2:

I'll come up with a climbing related one soon....

---

Ok, I was thinking about starting a post on this a while back... related to the recent rise in gumby accidents...

 

Marymoor Climbing Structure:

Watching a couple rope up for leading the pinnacle (left hand side).

 

Man "looks" competent. Woman, not a climber, weight included. All gear is shinny and new. Clearly struggling with rope, harness, grigri, anchoring etc...

 

Other climbers about to boulder across lower face of pinnacle...

Woman (In irritated tone): "EXCUSE ME, we are going to be climbing here!"

 

Ten minutes later, they are ready to start. No, Wait, Grigri is threaded backwards....

 

Leader starts out. Struggles to first bolt. Wife looks worried. Leader makes it to first bolt -Puts finger through hanger. Struggles to exchange draw for finger. Hangs onto draw, clips rope.

 

Doesn't this guy know he is on one of the more difficult climbs at Marymoore? Should I recommend an easier climb? No, its considered rude to impose your concerns on others... I watch with baited breath...

 

Leader struggles to make next moves. Belayer has ten feet of slack in rope. Leader gives up on first bolt, side steps to the right, finger in RH bolt hanger. No, don't use a new draw, unclip first draw and transfer to RH hanger... requiring another biner-finger swap while in tenuous position.

 

I walk away to do a climb to ease my tension. Several minutes later I return to see if they are still alive... Leader has somehow got around onto the left hand arete (Draws cleaned off face). And he is finally nearing the top of the climb. (His climbing looks ok, but his concept of leading is what is severely lacking) I can't recall, and you don't want to hear the remaining details, but suffice to say, Leader's management of the rope/anchor at the top was also excrutiatingly painful to watch.

 

Now how is he going to get down? He plans to be lowered, ignorant of obvious pendulum around the arete... and completely oblivious that his belayer has NO IDEA how to use the Grigri to lower. I watch for a while longer as she gets frustrated, lowering/jerking the leader's way down the route, 1 foot at a time.

 

I give up, I can't bear watching accidents waiting to happen. So I go over and ask the belayer if she knows what she is doing?

 

Belayer: "No, he never taught me how to use this thing!"

Me: "I can see that!"

 

I take over and lower leader to the ground.

 

Leader: "Thanks, its her first time"

Me: "I can see that! Please go take a lesson somewhere before she kills you."

 

I walk away.

[gschryer2]

Later that afternoon, a boyscout troupe shows up... very scarry scene.

"leader1-to-leader2:"How are we going to get the rope up there?

leader2-to-leader1: "Oh, we'll jsut throw it up to someone already on top!"

 

Later still...

 

Visualize: "leaders" using hip/shoulder belays. 8 year old kids standing on platform above the "slab", unanchored, with last draw clipped on slab, below his feet. Wearing hastily tied webbing harness.

 

"Leader/belayer": "Just stand still!".

Kid: "How do I get down?"

"Leader": "sit down and lower yourself over the edge",

Kid: "I'm scared"

Me thinking to myself: "No kidding!"

 

... all this with no adult supervision up on the ledge!

 

Note to self: Don't EVER let your kids be in boy-scouts or similar yokel organization!

 

[ 08-07-2002, 03:01 PM: Message edited by: gschryer2 ]

[Dru]

quote:

---

Originally posted by gschryer2:

 

Note to self: Don't EVER let your kids be in ...

similar yokel organization!

---

Da Mounties???

[snafflehound]

“What eez zat smell? Eet smells like cat pee!” I overheard this from that French guy in the mid 80s who spanked the all the locals at Smith. Sage.

[Alasdair]

While hanging off of a route several bolts from the top at Smith a couple of years ago I hear "Dude! are you done with that route yet? I want to on-site it" After I clawed my way to the anchors and got down, I got to witness the guy fall off the route at about 3 bolts up. He let out the most amazingly loud "FUCK! fuck fuck fuck" Me and my partner (and most of the other around) promptly laughed our heads off which only pissed the guy off more. Now I often use the term on site for when I fuck something up.

[jimmyleg66]

Not a climbing story but funny nonetheless - As said by oil-stained ski-doo-coat-sportin'-jeans-wearing dude on the (Larch?) chair on the back side of Louise - "Are them those new diabolic skis?", pointing at my new Atomics. "Yes" I replied, "these skis.... are PURE EVIL".

[allison]

quote:

---

Originally posted by snafflehound:

“What eez zat smell? Eet smells like cat pee!” I overheard this from that French guy in the mid 80s who spanked the all the locals at Smith. Sage.

---

OMG, LMAO. Zee Franch, zey are so funeee!!

 

I love that smell to pieces, but come to think of it, it does smell a little bit like kitty tinkle...hmmmm.

 

[Terry]

We had just come off a multi-day climb in the Valley, were working on our second or third beer, and were already laughing at stupid stuff while showering in the public showers. Some very loud Chicagoans were entertaining us, shouting back and forth from their stalls recounting their heroic exploits that day. One guy described the day's hiking adventures and said that it was so cool to come upon "a natural swimming pool." One of our group responded from their shower stall, "Out here we call those things lakes." Of course "natural swimming pool" is now part of our vocabulary.