Dru Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 I'm seriously fed up with people's shit at work, my head is about to explode. Don't fuck with me Lummox, my fuse is short today. Not many people know it, but the Devil actually wears a wig. You'd never know if you weren't told - it's a perfect fit. Anyway, down in the world of fire and brimstone one guy did find out, and he decided to have a little practical joke. So one night, he sneaks past the guardian demons and manages to get all the way into Satan's bed chamber, whereupon he steals the hair-piece and makes good his escape. Well, of course the Devil was most displeased by this, and he rounds up his demons, and demands to know which of them had been so lazy as to let someone sneak past them. Naturally, none of them owns up, which makes him even madder: So he calls a general meeting of everyone the underworld: everyone has to attend. The meeting is held in a huge cavern, and it's absolutely packed (except for the odd gap in the crowd, where there's a lava-pit or bottomless fissure in the floor). As Satan steps up to speak, everyone sees that he's got no hair, and peals of laughter start echoing out around the hall. The devil bellows at them to be quiet, and a deadly hush falls. "Whoever stole it," he shouts, "had better return it immediately!" And here he paused for effect... "Or else there'll be Hell Toupee!" Quote
Dru Posted August 19, 2003 Author Posted August 19, 2003 Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news programme. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. But in the interview for the post, they asked him the one question he was dreading: "What was the reason for you leaving your last job?" Hopkins replied, "The climate didn't agree with me." Quote
jon Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 Thanks Dru! I'm not sure if many people know this so I thought I'd pass it on. You know when you go to the Coke machine to get a 20oz and it seems like it takes forever for you drink to get to the bottom from the time you hit the button. We'll I've concluded that Coke actually puts a midget in the machine, obviously with a down coat on, to shake up your pop before it gives it to you. I mean it makes perfect sense doens't it? Quote
allthumbs Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 a 12 oz. coke has over 10 tsp. suger in it bleeechhhh Quote
iain Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 that must explain the periodic injuries occured from coke machines falling over on stupid people. Must be the midgit flogging off or something Quote
sk Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 iain said: that must explain the periodic injuries occured from coke machines falling over on stupid people. Must be the midgit flogging off or something Quote
iain Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 s'pose that should be "incurred" but no point in editing now that it has been quoted in all its glory Quote
Sphinx Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 Trask, I didn't realize that you have an internet connection from inside that coke machine! Quote
Off_White Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 Dru said:"Or else there'll be Hell Toupee!" I've always thought that would be a great name for a band. Everyone could wear little strap on mohawks made from ugly carpeting, like burnt orange sculptured shag. Quote
allthumbs Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 Sphinx said: Trask, I didn't realize that you have an internet connection from inside that coke machine! I'm reporting you to Erik for harassment. Quote
Sphinx Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 trask said: Sphinx said: Trask, I didn't realize that you have an internet connection from inside that coke machine! I'm reporting you to Erik for harassment. Uh oh. Quote
Dru Posted August 19, 2003 Author Posted August 19, 2003 Off_White said: Dru said:"Or else there'll be Hell Toupee!" I've always thought that would be a great name for a band. Everyone could wear little strap on mohawks made from ugly carpeting, like burnt orange sculptured shag. that would be soooooo punk rock they'd look like the devo audition rejects Quote
Dr_Flash_Amazing Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 Dru said: that would be soooooo punk rock they'd look like the devo audition rejects That's twice you've said "sooooo punk rock" this week. BUSTED! Quote
Mr._Natural Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 no, last time i believe he spelled it "rawk." Quote
Dru Posted August 19, 2003 Author Posted August 19, 2003 Dr_Flash_Amazing said: Dru said: that would be soooooo punk rock they'd look like the devo audition rejects That's twice you've said "sooooo punk rock" this week. BUSTED! third time, you missed the other one "this is just a punk rock song written for the people who can see something's wrong like ants in the colony we do our share but there's so many other fucking insects out there" Quote
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