sk Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 gregm said: ok. some guys go cow tipping and tip some cows. then they go over to the bulls and try to tip them but the bulls just kind of rock from side to side and don't fall over. "what's up?" say the dudes, to which the bull reply "we bulls wobble but we don't fall down". please somebody indicate you are old enough to get this one. thanks. okay I don't hate you any more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iain Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 gregm said: please somebody indicate you are old enough to get this one. thanks. any idea what this fossil is on about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHE Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 gregm said: ok. some guys go cow tipping and tip some cows. then they go over to the bulls and try to tip them but the bulls just kind of rock from side to side and don't fall over. "what's up?" say the dudes, to which the bull reply "we bulls wobble but we don't fall down". please somebody indicate you are old enough to get this one. thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neversummer Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 A duck walks into a convinience store and asks the cashier "Got any Gwapes?" "no we dont have any grapes" says the cashier So the duck walks out. The next day the duck returns and asks. "Got any Gwapes?" "No I already told you we dont have any grapes." So the duck leaves again The Next day the ducks returns again and Asks. "got any Gwapes?" "Damnit, I already told you twice WE DONT HAVE ANY GRAPES and if you come in asking again I'm gonna nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor. Irritaed the duck walks out again. The very next day in walks the duck again. The cashier stares at him and he asks. "got any nails?" "no" says the cashier, do the duck immediately asks "then you got any gwapes?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunglehead Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 TIGHE said: gregm said: ok. some guys go cow tipping and tip some cows. then they go over to the bulls and try to tip them but the bulls just kind of rock from side to side and don't fall over. "what's up?" say the dudes, to which the bull reply "we bulls wobble but we don't fall down". please somebody indicate you are old enough to get this one. thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lummox Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 got this in a email today. pretty much okay for kids. 1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido: All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: 18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dru Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 Ok so there is this town of Trids which is troubles by a monster which comes down from the hills and stomps down houses and kicks people. The trids decide to seek religious assistance. Both a priest and an imam refuse to help them. Finally a rabbi comes to their aid. Next time the monster comes down from the hills the rabbi goes out to confront it. The monster runs around the rabbi and starts trampling buildings and kicking the inhabitants as they run out in panic. The rabbi walks up to the monster and says "The LORD my god is on my side. Monster, I defy you to kick me!" To which the monster replies "Silly rabbi - kicks are for Trids" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neversummer Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = The problem logged by the pilot S = The solution and action taken by the engineers P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten Posted July 12, 2003 Author Share Posted July 12, 2003 neversummer said: A duck walks into a convinience store and asks the cashier "Got any Gwapes?" "no we dont have any grapes" says the cashier So the duck walks out. The next day the duck returns and asks. "Got any Gwapes?" "No I already told you we dont have any grapes." So the duck leaves again The Next day the ducks returns again and Asks. "got any Gwapes?" "Damnit, I already told you twice WE DONT HAVE ANY GRAPES and if you come in asking again I'm gonna nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor. Irritaed the duck walks out again. The very next day in walks the duck again. The cashier stares at him and he asks. "got any nails?" "no" says the cashier, do the duck immediately asks "then you got any gwapes?" Thanks for that one - I can share it with my neighbors Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chirp Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Actually a Saturday joke, got off work late: Why were 4,5, and 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lummox Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Somewhere in the deep south Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?" "Yes, Bubba, that's true." Answered the lawyer. "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true, mister lawyer?" "Sure is, Bubba, but why do you ask?" 'Cause I was thinkin', maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been waken' up with." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten Posted July 30, 2003 Author Share Posted July 30, 2003 Had an 85 year old man telling me CLEAN jokes today. 1. Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road? She really wanted to 'lay it on the line'. 2. What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De'calf'inated. 3. Where do you take a baby cow for lunch? The cafeteria. 4. What do you call a cow with short short legs? Ground beef. Do ya see a trend hear? This old guy was from Texas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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