So I get the call....
I'd heard of it, but hadn't really put much thought into climbing it. But I get the call.
My sister's always one to get into sticky situations, especially when climbing, but I never expected our climbing trip to turn out like this.
My Sister:
Anyway, she calls me and starts ranting and raving about Witch Mountain.
Apparantly there is a sweet line on the East face that no one has done.
Witch mountain
Being gullible and stupid, I said yet to her objective. Things went quickly after this. We were on our way to the airport when the first thing to go wrong happened.
This crazy old man with an eyepatch picked us up in the cab and when he heard about our objective he started cackling and laughing, "Har har har...you be doomed if ye go. No one escapes from Witch Mountain...no one"
I was all up in his face and shit and was like, "look dode. You're scaring my sister," and then he locked the cab doors and pulled back the safety glass so we couldn't get out and drove like a maniac all the way to the airport.
Boy were we glad to be on that plane and away from that crazy old cab pirate!
It was a long flight to where Witch Mountain is located and a storm began to brew. My sis got really scared and had the worst headache.
Then all of a sudden lightning crackled all around the plane! We were hit and we were going down....fast.
Out the window and below the clouds all I could see was a sea of mountains.
Then the plane hit and I lost consciousness...
I was screaming when I came too. My sis was still asleep and I had the weirdest feeling! I was floating and I was hearing load booming voices. I managed to get a hold of myself and looked out the window.
I had to suspend my disbelief! The plane was being carried by yellow robed giants!
They were singing as they carried the plane into the mountains, "oompa loompa doopidy do, you're gonna have an epic or two" over and over.
Then I realized I was stapped to a table inside the airplane! What kind of twisted nightmare had this become?
I lost consciousness again...
.when I awoke there was no plane, no table, no giants. Just my sister and I alone in the woods. It was day.
I screamed and screamed at my sis until she groggily woke up.
"uhhhhhggghh...what? what? what happened," she asked. I told her and I saw it in her eyes that she believed me.
We decided to follow a cobblestone path that led towards Witch Mountain. We would have turned around, but we'd come this far!
After about an hour we came to quite the sight! It was a tea party of animals! To make matters worse, a goat and some other type of animal in the distance were starting up ON OUR ROUTE
The stork asked up, "Hello humans! Would you like a bite of our cake. It's a wonderful day for a tea party! Are you going mountain walking? How do you get the ropes up there"
My sis was like, "Fucking tourons," and we double timed it to the route.
I got the first pitch which was pretty scary ice,
and wondered where the animals above us were?
Oh well, "On belay!" I shouted to my sister and brought her up the first pitch.
On and on the climb went. Brilliant ice led to perfect granite splitters. Sis took the lead on the rock because she's hard core on the trad. That's why I was worried when I heard her scream!
She quickly brought me up and I discoved why she screamed and what happened to the animal climbers.
I guess they bit off more than they could chew. Anyway we carried on. The climb was great but we were getting tired. Luckily (or so we thought) we found a bivy cave 2/3 the way up Witch Mountain.
"Hello!" my Sister shouted into the cave. I thought that was weird cuz who'd be in this cave. I hoped no one cuz that'd take away our first ascent probably.
We had to rappel into the cave to find a nice place to sleep. Before we turned on our headlamps it seemed warm and dry. Caves aren't warm and dry? Then we switched them on.
This was no cave! It was an alien spaceship! And right there was an alien! So that's what happended to Louie Anderson!!!!
We ran and ran and ran trying to find a way out. Then we hit the controll room. We were gonna make it. But then the door opened and the witch appeared!
I tried to stop the witch from strangling my sis
I dove into the Witch with my ice tools and sent her back to hell!
Here's another photo of Sis
Sis quicly locked the door and somehow managed to program the spaceship to escape Witch Mountain!
We flew the spaceship all the way home, but we first stopped for icecream! Then we told the story to Paw, but he didn't believe us. He just laughed and patted sis on the head.
